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she finds the rest she requires

finds rest

There is nothing inspiring about a stressed out, overwhelmed, tired woman. We live in a culture however that admires and promotes “busy equals success!”

In our family we have a colloquial saying that helps everyone around the stressed out person know to take it easy on them. We say ‘Donkey on the edge!’ Basically this saying says “I am not coping and need some time out.” Asking for grace and understanding in the little moments or seasons of stretch and stress.

The problem is, we cannot stay in the red zone and not hurt people.

Stressed, overwhelmed, tired people hurt people.

I worked for many years in event management and red lined most of them.

Eighty hour weeks, unmet expectations, holidays left accruing and never taking a full weekend off.

It had its toll. The toll is deep and far reaching, it has taken me years to recover.

These days however, I regularly take breaks and for the last twenty four hours, I turned off my phone, went to my aunty’s farm and retreated.

I didn’t write, I didn’t talk about work, I knitted in front of the fire and hung out with my family.

When was the last time you retreated?

When was the last time you rested, completely?

When was the last time you turned your phone and the internet off?

A rythmn of rest is an essential component of living a life of contribution and significance.

A woman of wisdom knows when she is on the edge and retreats.

At the beginning of this year I spent one day retreats with women, taking time out to refresh and recover, thinking about what twenty fifteen was to bring for them.

It was the most rewarding way to start the year, because I listened to women’s stories, mostly how they never take any time for themselves.

Stories of exhaustion, disappointment and discouragement.

We were designed for Sabbath.

We were created with rest as a part of our weekly output cycle.

We were made for silence.

“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” Augustine of Hippo, Confessions

Our world doesn’t place high value on these things, but wisdom does.

I loved staring at the trees, smelling the smoke and watching my children play without the television in the background.

The rest refreshes my soul, ready to once again work hard.

Proverbs 3:24

When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

It is no one else’s responsibility to create spaces of rest, except your own.

Go to bed early, turn off your phone, read a good book, have a cup of tea, take a long bath or walk the beach.

Recover,

It is a significant part of your week.

To keep reading the series link here: She builds her life on firm foundations

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she faces her pain

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Shoalwater Bay, Western Australia

Honestly if I can get away with not feeling pain, I will go to great lengths to escape it.

My little lady had her immunisations today and I had to leave the room, I could not handle hearing her pain.

You see when I was a little girl I spent a lot of time in hospital sick, Needles, IV drips and doctors offices carry a resounding place of fear deep in the memories of my heart. I hate physical pain. The memories of the vulnerability still send shivers up my spine.

The thing about immunisations is though, they are designed to protect us from a whole heap more pain, if we get the diseases they are protecting us against.

A bit of pain now, to save a whole lot of sickness in the future.

I find that wisdom is like an immunisation for the soul.

When we seek it, it protects, guides and keeps us away from places that could possibly end in great danger for the future.

Wisdom is an intuitive knowledge, that helps us make decisions that stop us from going down paths, that will lead to unsafe places.

Despite the protective nature of wisdom we each have pain from past experiences that needs to be processed and let go of, to move brilliantly into our new chapters.

What about the pain that lingers deep in our souls, that we desperately try to keep submerged?

Just like this proverb 14: 13 talks about…

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

We each carry around wounds and deep memories of pain that sometimes is just too hard to face.

“The marks humans leave are too often scars.”  John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

As hard as it is to face these places with care and in the right season, a woman of wisdom faces her pain.

She processes,

She asks for help,

She opens her heart to those who are safe,

She does not hide behind masks of confidence and pride, she finds a way to unpack the baggage that has tried so desperately to become her companion.

Proverbs 4: 20-22 encourages us to find ways to let go of the pain in our hearts and move forward into the future. Finding health for our whole being.

“My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.”

Proverb 3: 1-3 encourages us to reform and heal our hearts with words of life and promise.

“My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart,
for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you peace and prosperity.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.”

Imagine if the health of our heart was a window into our soul. Just like this proverb describes, a tablet that our life is written upon.

Has pain kept your heart contained?

Is there deep conversations, that are waiting to be released?

Every one of us have seasons and dialogues of pain, the problem is not discovering or finding where the wound is. They often rear their little heads around every corner, the problem is finding safe and valuable ways to release them.

A woman of wisdom finds safe ways to face her pain.

She let’s the past go, she forgives and she releases.

My prayer across this whole month of writing has been that the time I am giving to researching the depths of life found in the book of proverbs would bring transformation.

The greatest gift we can give to our families is finding ways to let the past go and to live fully in our present.

Do you need to find a counsellor?

Is there a story inside your heart that you need to write and reframe?

Has forgiveness been slow to rise in your heart for a person who hurt you deeply?

Facing those places of pain with health and in the right season can be the greatest release into a new season of hope for you.

Let go of that which is holding you down my friend.

Step out into new and broader horizons.

To keep reading here is tomorrows post: she finds the rest she requires

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she is a great friend

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Maximus on the Three Island Cruise, with Rockingham Wild Encounters today

There is nothing like a good friend.

She is like a warm coat on a windy day, an easy pair of jeans when you have eaten a little too much or a big pair of gumboots when the weather has turned grey.

She is warm.

She is comfy.

She protects.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about friendship. Actually I think about friendship all the time, it is really important value that my husband and I hold dear, but lately I have been thinking about it more often than normal. The reason I have been thinking about it, is despite the shifts and changes in my season, I am determined to carry on being a good friend.

It takes effort to be a friend. To ring, to visit, to forgive, to hold lightly, to speak, to listen.

Charl and I were talking just yesterday in fact about something we want to do in the coming years and who we would want to do it with. It was a great conversation. We talked about who our closest friends were, we talked about who impacted us the most, who we respected.

We walked and talked for a good hour about friendship and how important it is to us.

How easy is it to lose sight of good friends?

It’s like our ship sails into a new season and our friends are kind of waiting on the shore doing their thing and we lose sight of them.

Some friendships and seasons change. In fact a lot do, but sometimes we need to make effort and priority to spend time with those people who are our comfy pair of jeans.

The ones that we could be at our very worst and they see us at our best. The ones whose voice we hear over the loud internal noise in our days. Wisdom is gained in company.

Proverbs 25: 11 says it this way;

Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.

or this one from proverb 24: 26

An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship

Friends are the greatest gift in seasons of change and transition and we are never too old to make another friend.

The best way to make a friend is to start a conversation and to ask them out for coffee. The best way to keep a friend is to forgive an offence and be generous with your words and life. The best way to have many friends is to keep growing and moving, holding your words and their time preciously.

The wisest of women spend their life in company of many different women, of all different ages, opinions, experiences and religions.

Proverbs 13: 20 also says this;

He who walks with the wise grows wise.

Friendship is the greatest proving ground for wisdom.

In this age of online, quick, nasty, debating, quick to unfriend culture, let’s make sure that we hold our friends closely and listen to their hearts for the future.

Friendship is the greatest of gifts.

It enriches our days, sharpening our acceptance of difference and makes us much deeper humans.

Make friends with someone who is very different to you.

It will usher wisdom into your days.

Tomorrows post: She faces her pain

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She extends herself

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Today has been one of the busiest days for me, speaking at an event, preparing for birthdays, fixing, helping, driving, cooking. The last thing I felt like doing was writing. This 31 day journey is a commitment I made and sometimes to follow through on the promises we make, is extremely important even when we are “fried!”

Often it’s in these very moments of extension, that our hearts and capacities are stretched. We are not designed to live in this red zone, but we are designed to reach, learn and give a little more than we think we can. It’s like our souls have an elasticity, that is strengthened in the stretch. We do need to allow ourselves to reform again, but without the stretch, we stay unfulfilled in our purpose. I believe these are the very days that define us.

Those days when we think we cannot run another five minutes but we do.

Those days when we speak in front of a crowd that once completely intimidated us.

Those days when we start writing that book that has laid dormant inside of us.

Our days of stretch.

Proverbs 31: 20 says this;

“She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy”

I absolutely love this verse. I love that it is an effort for her to make a difference and she extends her heart and hand in the process.

There are some of my other favourite scriptures that are not from proverbs but they inspire me none the less

Psalm 18:19

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”

And also this one;

Isaiah 54:2

“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.”

There is something about these two encouragements from days of old, that encourage me to not give up in the days when things are difficult.

Just a few days ago I read this poem and it literally stopped me in met tracks;

“Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Francis Drake

Disturb us O Lord. How profound is this perspective?

One of the greatest thing that inhibits us living a life of purpose, is we seek comfort. We want to feel comfortable, we look for nurture, we seek to hide.

Even though in the right time and the right way all of these things can be an important part of self care and soul health, we will never live a life of purpose if we allow these things to define us.

There is something very valid in having intentional moments of stretch. When we do something we have never done before, when we give to something that is a stretch financially and personally. When we talk to someone and it takes effort. When we sacrifice and say no.

Growth and change are not comfortable.

Living a life of wisdom where we learn in that space of extension is the most defining of spaces.

When was the last time you felt uncomfortable?

When was the last time you did something that made you nervous?

When was the last time you felt growth pains?

This my friend is what it looks like to live a life of wisdom.

Tomorrows post is here: She is ever learning

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she is slow to anger

she is slow to anger

Anger is such a strange emotion. You would probably think that anger is more of a male associated weakness, but don’t worry it can take hold of the best of us and leave those around us shaking in its wake.

I find in my own life, anger disguises itself as defensiveness. When I am found on the defensive, it doesn’t matter who is in my way, I will argue my point until I feel like I have had my way. I suppose its on those days you could call me a bully.

I talk over people, I stop listening, my voice tone changes and I get louder, much louder.

Proverbs has a lot to say about anger and it’s little companions, defensiveness, bullying and harshness. Like this one;

Proverb 15: 1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I am learning as a novice Mum, that a gentle answer achieves so much more than an emotion packed one. When I ask my son to stop, decreasing my voice rather than raising it, I am more likely to get a response. It’s like the louder we talk, the less capacity people have to listen.

Proverb 24: 10 says this

If you fail under pressure your strength is too small

That honestly makes me stop in my tracks. If I am failing when the pressure is on, then it shows my internal strength is too small. I have found the only way my internal world strengthens and grows, is through processing, talking, praying, thinking, writing and generally cleaning out what is happening in my heart. The funny thing is if we bury shame, it often manifests someday as anger. If we bury guilt or grief, the same thing happens, suddenly just like a volcano, one day anger erupts.

Proverb 20: 22

Don’t say “I will get even for this wrong, Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.”

My immediate response to this scripture is but…

Why, What, How?

Proverbs 21: 2 says

People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.

The funny thing about us humans is we justify our own responses in accordance to the injustice that has occurred to us. If we do not process the emotions, circumstances and happenings and find a way to let them go, to forgive and to truly clean house, we will always struggle in the emotional arena’s of our lives.

A woman of wisdom is slow to anger.

She takes a deep breath.

She doesn’t respond immediately.

She listens.

She evaluates.

Then show goes away and finds a way to process what has happened.

If I find my heart starting to beat fast and defensiveness rise, I am learning to turn away and come back to the discussion at another time.

Whether its with my children, my husband or a colleague.

This is not an area I have under control, I promise, as balanced as I may sound in this forum, their is a feisty, roaring lion inside of me that often needs to be tamed.

How about you?

Where are you in the anger stakes?

A woman of wisdom takes the time to assess this area of her life and softens her responses especially to those closest to her.

The next part of this series can be found over on Kinwomen’s blog it is called She is centred.

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