but what if I fail?

The questions we ask ourselves in seasons of transition are more important than any decision we make. Every question we ask, demands an answer. We think, we ponder, we control, we naturally do everything we can to find safety.

There is nothing safe about change.

It brings out every insecurity, it re-surfaces moments of broken trust, change digs deep into the recess of our souls and leaves us asking why?

It doesn’t matter whether you thrive on change or not, it demands attention from our soul and asks that we reorientate ourselves back to safer shores.

It is like we are hardwired for place;

home.

comfort.

safety.

belonging.

Change mixes up every part of our worlds and it takes time to surrender to its call.

My husband and I spent a large proportion of today dreaming. You can’t step out of an atmosphere like SPARC and come back to your everyday the same.

We drove, we planned, we brainstormed, we called real estate agents, we looked at property, we explored.

One part of my heart was expectant and excited about the amazing possibilities for our tomorrow. The other part of my person was quaking with fear.

This was the question that revelled in my deepest place;

“But what if we fail?”

I tried to answer that question with statements such as;

“It’s only money.”

“At least we can say we lived on the edge”

“The creative ride will be worth it, no matter the result”

Another question cheekily raised its hand though and whispered;

“Oh my darling, but what if you fly?”

We need wisdom, we need accountability in our in-between times when we step out to wider shores, but nothing spectacular is pulled off without a huge amount of risk.

That is what is so amazing about the in-between, if we surrender to unsafe thoughts, if we dream vivid dreams, if we loosen the control, if we seek a greater perspective, if we dare to become all that we have the capacity to become, we might just do something that changes the world.

We need a fair amount of courage as a couple right now.

We need a deep soaking of grace.

We need friends who will believe in us, when we are not sure that we believe anymore.

Last weekend at the conference Erwin Mc Manus said this;

“If you don’t feel afraid, you are not living a big enough life.”

We are feeling pretty scared right now.

And that is the power of the in-between.