Author: Amanda Viviers

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the simple things that bring joy everyday

 

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I would never have imagined that Motherhood would bring so much joy coupled with so much frustration. Every, single, day. I would never have imagined myself with a four and a half-year-old and be still spending most of my week as a stay at home Mum.

I had plans.

I had intentions.

and so much drive.

But here I am four and a half years later, spending the last two years with another little and I am finally finding small, simple things that bring me joy every day.

Like the fact that I can wear my pajamas till eleven am and pretend that they were my choice of fashion for the day. That I can write and think and make my own barista espresso from home, whilst blaring the music of my own choosing.

The smell of laundry in the dryer in winter fills the whole back half of my house and I am actually home to hear it ding like a microwave telling me that hot towels can be folded and breathed in deeply.

Those moments when friends drop by any hour of the day and the kettle is swiftly switched on and stories can last for hours. When my two-year-old walks herself off to the bedroom and decides it is now time for a sleep, and the way we walk on our tippy toes and not wake her.

When I open the curtains in my bedroom and notice the teenagers next door on holidays or the old lady across the road who is picked up by a bus that talks of the Uniting Church and its love of the elderly. To see the daily life of my neighbours, to actually see them is a moment that brings simple everyday joy.

Ice cream at two pm in the afternoon for no special reason just because.

Noticing a new leaf on my indoor ficus fig plant, essential oils filling my house with clarity and peace. Podcasts and live streaming of events that make me think, music players in every room.

My collection of records and the record player that now has its own space and little thoughts that wonder towards hosting our larger family Christmas finally in our home because it has more than a few rooms.

Novice Motherhood has many moments that overwhelm and frustrate me, but honestly, the simple, ordinary moments that breathe joy into my very soul can so easily be missed. Deep breathing, I can do this and they are seriously hilarious moments that are acknowledged bring sustainable joy.

We can so easily miss the beauty because we are so immersed in the messy uncertainty. I am learning to let go of my need to have it all worked out and to lean into the little victories and the unknown parts of it all.

There are simple, everyday, ordinary moments of joy, that we quickly dismiss because we are lost in the magnitude of the task. I promise if you stand in the laundry and breathe deeply in that moment if you allow an afternoon dance to become your delight if a walk to the park becomes a giant adventure. You will begin to laugh and dream again.

Moments of beauty.

Moments of much mess.

Moments of utter lostness.

Moments of isolation.

Moments of satisfaction.

Moments of comfort.

Moments of freedom.

Moments that will never be recovered ever again.

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples, and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
William Martin
So here I am back at the beginning again, asking myself to revel in the very ordinariness of my everyday. To breathe in whilst I strike off my chores, to learn deeply in the patience of my groundhog moments and allowing the deeply dissatisfying nature of servanthood to grow my very soul.
This is the power of the ordinary.
This is where Joy can be discovered, in those moments of letting go.

Amanda

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Can passion take you anywhere?

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My passion for creativity, entrepreneurship and life has often taken me places that I would never have gone if I lived my life a little quieter. At the same time, though, my passion has undone me in times when I wish I had pulled back, brought more focus and thought more logically about my decisions.

I heard something this week in a podcast that I found really interesting. The mark of a great leader is their capacity to bring both intuition and intellect.

Intuition can be described I believe as passionate inklings. The dictionary describes it this way;

The ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning.

A lot of my leadership journey has been strengthened by both passion and instinct. There have been many times where I have been on paper the lesser person at the table, but my weakness has been superseded by intuition. I am able to speak from a place of instinct and prophetically bring something to the table because I have learnt to listen to my inner voice. Essentially I have been the least at the table, but been the conduit for the answer the collective needed. Often I have not taken myself to seriously and spoken like I mean what I am saying and the difference in the room is palpable. I love how Maya Angelou describes it.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou

Do you feel crap and unsteady in leadership?

Do you feel unqualified to sit at the table?

Passion is your friend.

Instinct is your weapon.

And humility is your uniform.

If you can bring a sound to the leadership table, if you can learn to listen to your gut and have the humility to look like a fool, you, my friend can go anywhere. You can take down those places that seem unattainable and yes it can take you places you would have never dreamed of.

I have met many entrepreneurs who have the passion and even the work ethic to succeed – but who are so obsessed with an idea that they don’t see its obvious flaws. Think about that. If you can’t even acknowledge your failures, how can you cut the rope and move on? Kevin O’Leary

We need all three of these personality traits to see the success that is long lasting. Passion, instinct and humility to admit our flaws.

Do you feel unable?

Don’t worry I often feel this, but I am determined to keep having a go at doing hard things. When I fail I get back up again, when I am unsure I ask my gang for feedback and mostly I just have a big go.

Speak again tomorrow

Amanda

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one life so many options.

Recently I was chatting with two women whom I respect deeply and one of them said this…

“Amanda I do believe in life you can have all the things that you want to achieve, but the thing that so many of us don’t realise is that they very rarely all come at the same time.”

Do you have a list of things that you want to achieve in this lifetime?

Do you often feel disappointed in the waiting place?

Have you given up on that dream that you have carried for a long time?

I am learning that we have one life, with so many options and the times that we lose significantly is when we believe we can have it all, at the same time. Even recently I found myself telling my friend “I believe you can have it all. I believe it my friend.” Then after I said it I tipped my head and thought, maybe we can’t have it all or maybe we can, but just not all at the same time.

Maybe not and that is okay.

Often I feel in these days of Novice Motherhood that I have let go of many unrealistic expectations of what I thought these days would be. I didn’t realise how much is sacrificed when we teach our children “no”. I didn’t realise how blissful it would be one minute and how out of control it would be the next. I didn’t realise some days I would kiss my babe’s with my nose and breathe in deeply their uniqueness and then others just want space, time and a moment to pee alone.

One lifetime, so many options. How do we choose? How do we stretch into those places of purpose but at the same time, live content in our today? This is the wrestle off my every day and every time I say yes to one of you, I say no to one of my family and it rips me apart. I am aching to live a life of contribution and reinvent what that life looks like but honestly, the wrestle is overwhelming and so deeply satisfying.

I think we sometimes act like we have no options and we are nestled in a corner with no next move. Now for some this may be their truth and it may be a hidden in the corner kind of season, but for most, I believe the options are limitless, I believe our potential is limitless and I believe the purpose for your life is limitless. The thing I am learning, however, is there are seasons of increase, there are seasons of decrease, there are seasons of stretch and there are seasons of letting go and every one of these seasons are full of options.

The problem is the way we approach it. Some of us shrink away and question every move and motive. Others of us hustle our way into the zone until we plant ourselves so firmly in that place that we are unable to let go and move forward.

Today I was thinking and scrolling, praying and seeking and I came across this beautiful prayer…

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It stopped me in my tracks. And I breathed deep and let go. Believing that the right things and the right people will come into my life in the right season. And my stanza of this prayer would say…”And when they do, to have the courage to step into the new together.”

What is your prayer today?

I would love to pray it with you and live inspired by your thoughts towards today and your future.

One life, so many options.

And often I believe God is saying to us, you choose.

Amanda

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dear younger me,

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Dear Younger Me,

When guilt and shame rise up like a tidal wave full of empty plastic bags and other people’s leftover coke cans, please sift and weigh their opinions like rubbish strewn in our beautiful ocean, because you were not designed to host it.

No matter how hard you try, the weight of that rubbish takes over the beauty of your today. Every single time you allow other people’s thoughts to impact your internal peace, it is like you are entertaining their leftovers for dinner.

Dear Younger Me,

You know that person who you are trying to impress, that person whose opinion impacts your every move, they are searching for acceptance as well. They may make you think that they have it all together but honestly they don’t. Their hearts and lives are ripped open often in the silence and the quiet and they are trying to find their way home.

Dear Younger Me,

Every time guilt overwhelms your soul and you reach for something temporal to give you comfort, you are setting up habits that may make you feel worthy in the moment. In the long run though, finding ways to express your thoughts, your wins, your victories and mostly your failures in ways that are helpful and breathe grace into every fracture is so much more helpful. These are the places where steady growth occurs.

Dear Younger Me,

When you allow shame to shadow your decisions and you spend your days trying to prove your worth to a small few who don’t even care anyway, every time you give them control over your peace, happiness and regrets. You loose. They win. Yet they don’t even know that they have been in competition with you.

Dear Younger Me,

Be kind. Be so damn kind that you become a pushover with love and kindness. Mostly be kind to yourself. You will make it, wherever that phantom place of purpose you have been looking for. You will be happy. You will find love. You will deeply experience pain and grief, but also love. A love so raw that it rips your heart apart.

Dear Younger Me,

Run, sing, be loud and travel. Seek the opinions of those who think completely different to you. Say yes. Stop trying to prove yourself to those who don’t give a crap. Seriously lay down those defences and look after that quiet light that flickers inside your soul. Don’t shout, just rest in that place of discovery and adventure.

Dear Younger Me,

Let shame and guilt go, but stay in a place of humility as you confess your hurts and confusion to someone safe. Then quietly ask for forgiveness and move forward.

Dear Younger Me,

Don’t carry regret like a weight ensnared over your shoulders. Pick up that piece of wood, lift it over your shoulders and put it on the floor. Lay it at the foot of someone who extends grace, mercy and forgiveness. Lay it down my dear soul. You weren’t designed to carry your weak that way. Lay it down. Move forward and forgive yourself.

Dear Younger Me,

You are enough.

Dear Younger Me,

You make me smile.

Dear Younger Me,

You are way okay.

Signed,

Your forgetful, loud, crazy, deep, loving and mostly forgiven future friend.

 

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You are being robbed every single day.

Little by little, if our happiness, sense of contribution, identity and joy could be stored in one little bank account, we would see withdrawals every single day. My dear soul searching friend, you are being robbed every single day.

We are being robbed every, single time we compare our life, our walk, our possessions and our relationships with anyone. We live in a society that thrives on comparing lives to one another. The media thrives on it, businesses milk it and politics manipulate it. If we can just have what she is having, then maybe my happiness bank will be overflowing.

Stop,

No,

Recalibrate.

Every time you compare your life to someone else, you loose. Every time. It is never a motivating force that brings blessing into your life, it is a negative drain, that sucks beauty, peace and life right out of your today.

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Here are some simple thoughts that will help you stop comparing your life and find your own purpose.

  1. Every story is unique; We all have a unique path and purpose. Your story is just that. It is yours. No one else can bring together your gifts, your seasons, your disappointments, your lessons and your ways. No one, not your sister, not your friend, not your Mum, not your boss. Full stop. You have a path of lessons and opportunities that are yours alone to follow. When we celebrate our own journey and release others to live their own, then the snare of comparison becomes less overwhelming.
  2. Your voice is important; Your thoughts, your opinions, your ideas and your dreams are important. They are no more or less important than anyone else in your world. When we compare our lives, ideas, businesses and thoughts to others we often fall into two difficult life spaces. One space is copying. We spend our days trying to sound, look like and express ourselves like the person we have attached our happiness too. The problem is whenever you try to be someone else, you will always be a phony. No matter how well you pull it off, one day that sound is gonna sound fake, dissatisfying and oh so disappointing. OR you become entitled. An entitled person sounds a lot like a spoilt two-year-old. A person who thinks their voice, their sound, their ideas or their life is more important than someone else’s. You, my friend, sound like a jerk. Entitlement is one of the worst sounds on this planet. A voice that is entitled sounds kind of like a shriek. Like nails scraping down a blackboard. You end up thinking the world owes you a favour and your comparison is judgemental and full of decay.
  3. Celebrate your sister; Seriously when one of us wins, we all win. By laughing, gossiping and pulling another sister down, you will always loose. The people that are with you will not trust you and you will walk away at some point and reap the rewards of your bitchfest. The best way to combat comparison is to live a life that rises above and celebrates another in the midst of victory. I promise you, my friends there is enough room for every person and their purpose on this planet. The room is not physical, it is a spiritual place. A place that brings purpose for every single person. Celebrate your sister. Celebrate your friend. Heck, celebrate your enemy. There is enough room.
  4. Find your path; What is your path? What is your purpose on this planet? I promise you if you spend your hours developing your purpose and leaning into what is destined for your own unique life, you will not have time to compare yours to another. When you find your path, when you walk it, when you explore it, when you devour it, your life becomes so full, that you cannot fathom the thought of wishing you had someone else’s life. You thrive in your own lane. You run, you stretch, you discover and you blossom. Find your lane and run. Don’t look to the left or the right, train, stretch and keep on running.
  5. Your progress is profound; Often when someone encourages me in an area that I have progressed in, I am the first to minimise their feedback. “Oh no, please don’t”. We duck, dive and cover all in an attempt to seem somewhat humble. When someone tells you-you have grown, you have had a victory, you are changing or you are doing a good job. Do one simple thing. A short simple thing. Don’t justify, don’t tell them that they are wrong, do this, say thank you. Full stop. Thankyou. Accept the acknowledgement that you are progressing. Tell yourself little heart that you are changing, growing and having a big fat go and say thank you. Honestly, your progress is profound and my friend celebrating it, will not give you a fat head. Your progress is a profound place of combating comparison.
  6. Cultivate Gratitude for your place, season and today; Your today is precious. There is something so fragile about today. I believe this because I totally know there are seeds in your today, that have a purpose for your tomorrow. And every single time we compare ourselves to someone’s today, it is like we rip out the seeds planted in our today for our tomorrow. Your seeds in your today need to be watered, cared for and nutured so they can grow in  your tomorrow. When we are grateful for the seeds in our today, they grow. When we compare their progress to someone else’s we rip them out of the ground and stunt their growth. Gratitude is the greatest fertiliser for your tomorrow.

Every time we compare our today to someone else’s we are robbing ourselves of our tomorrow.

Every single time.

Speak again tomorrow,

Amanda