Author: Amanda Viviers

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she is slow to anger

she is slow to anger

Anger is such a strange emotion. You would probably think that anger is more of a male associated weakness, but don’t worry it can take hold of the best of us and leave those around us shaking in its wake.

I find in my own life, anger disguises itself as defensiveness. When I am found on the defensive, it doesn’t matter who is in my way, I will argue my point until I feel like I have had my way. I suppose its on those days you could call me a bully.

I talk over people, I stop listening, my voice tone changes and I get louder, much louder.

Proverbs has a lot to say about anger and it’s little companions, defensiveness, bullying and harshness. Like this one;

Proverb 15: 1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I am learning as a novice Mum, that a gentle answer achieves so much more than an emotion packed one. When I ask my son to stop, decreasing my voice rather than raising it, I am more likely to get a response. It’s like the louder we talk, the less capacity people have to listen.

Proverb 24: 10 says this

If you fail under pressure your strength is too small

That honestly makes me stop in my tracks. If I am failing when the pressure is on, then it shows my internal strength is too small. I have found the only way my internal world strengthens and grows, is through processing, talking, praying, thinking, writing and generally cleaning out what is happening in my heart. The funny thing is if we bury shame, it often manifests someday as anger. If we bury guilt or grief, the same thing happens, suddenly just like a volcano, one day anger erupts.

Proverb 20: 22

Don’t say “I will get even for this wrong, Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.”

My immediate response to this scripture is but…

Why, What, How?

Proverbs 21: 2 says

People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.

The funny thing about us humans is we justify our own responses in accordance to the injustice that has occurred to us. If we do not process the emotions, circumstances and happenings and find a way to let them go, to forgive and to truly clean house, we will always struggle in the emotional arena’s of our lives.

A woman of wisdom is slow to anger.

She takes a deep breath.

She doesn’t respond immediately.

She listens.

She evaluates.

Then show goes away and finds a way to process what has happened.

If I find my heart starting to beat fast and defensiveness rise, I am learning to turn away and come back to the discussion at another time.

Whether its with my children, my husband or a colleague.

This is not an area I have under control, I promise, as balanced as I may sound in this forum, their is a feisty, roaring lion inside of me that often needs to be tamed.

How about you?

Where are you in the anger stakes?

A woman of wisdom takes the time to assess this area of her life and softens her responses especially to those closest to her.

The next part of this series can be found over on Kinwomen’s blog it is called She is centred.

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she keeps things simple

she keeps things simple

Have you ever been in a situation with a friend and a little thought has gone through your mind, man she is making this way more complicated than it needs to be?

As women, we have the capacity to make very simple things extremely complex.

Relationally,

In our careers,

Our own sense of self worth and confidence.

I am realising the times that I become complex, are those times when I overthink things. My expectations are often the quickest ways I make my days full of disappointment and fear. Worry takes place of peace in my internal world and life just becomes heavy.

We live in a tiny two bedroom apartment, which means our nearly one year old and our three and a half year old share a little room. There are somedays, that I get very overwhelmed by our lack of storage but other day it propels me into a culling frenzy, that I never regret.

Every time I give something away, there is something so satisfying because my world becomes a little simpler. When I overthink it, when I become too nostalgic and I give stuff more power than people. It is then that my world starts to feel complex and overwhelming.

It is quite a practical side of wisdom, but I know the more I have, the more overwhelmed I feel. The less I have in my environment, the more peaceful I feel. Just the other day I was thinking, what if I just had two towels per person in my household?

What if each person only had three pairs of pants, three t-shirts, three jumpers?

What if we weren’t allowed to have more than three of everything?

Every time we simplify our surroundings, I have less washing, I have less to clean, I have less to pack away…

Life becomes simpler.

The external of our worlds mirrors the internal and a woman of wisdom knows this.

Proverb 4: 23

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.

A woman of wisdom takes stock of her thoughts and culls, cleans and measures their content.

Is life feeling complex lately?

Maybe a little spring clean and re-arranging of our worrying, thinking and pondering needs to occur.

This my friend is the call of wisdom.

Tomorrows post link can be found here: She is slow to anger

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she is disruptive

disruptive

The word disruptive does not easily gel with wisdom, but the more I read proverbs and the stories of men and women of influence the more I am convinced that it takes a special kind of human to do something in the world that has never been done before.

We cannot fit into our culture without thinking and somehow believe that we are making a difference. A woman of wisdom, is a leader, she is a thinker, she is an agent of change and she is not defined by what other people say about her. The whole chapter of chapter 31 from the book of proverbs talks about a woman who completely disregards cultural norms and plays by her own rules.

This winter I have been working slowly through Lisa Messenger’s Daring and Disruptive playbook (it’s more like a workbook, than a traditional book) that compliments her book Daring and Disruptive. The more I think about her precepts on life and leadership, the more I am becoming convinced that somehow whether it be life, leadership, disappointments, loss, change of season or age, that I have become more cautious in the way that I have reached out and innovated my days.

I have always been a disruptor.

Whether it was in school, my dance class, in mass, at university and also bible college. There is something within me that is not content with comfortable. There is a little clock that ticks inside of me asking that I try something new.

I think sometimes we believe keeping the peace and being nice or pleasing those closest to us, is the wisest path of least resistance.

I am realising that this may make for a safe life, but it is not a satisfying one. If you are always suppressing the voice that has been given uniquely for you, in some way and some how, that voice will erupt.

I am not talking about outright rebellion, but a spirit that asks questions of why we are doing, what we have always done and then getting disappointed with the results. A leader that starts something because they are deeply moved with compassion. A woman who see’s a need and rather than turning her head and saying someone else will get too it, they pitch in and do something about it.

She sings on the bus, when everyone is facing the front desperately trying not to make eye contact.

She says hello to the homeless person, for no other reason than to value you their humanity and existence.

She dances on the train whilst everyone delves deeply into their iPhones.

A woman who swims against the tide and current she is in, because she has the inner strength and tenacity to simply have a go.

Someone who writes down goals and actually ticks off the boxes on her vision board.

She is disruptive.

In a circle of women gossiping, she turns and walks away, knowing she has much better use of her time.

Proverbs 16:15 and 16 says this

Good-tempered leaders invigorate lives; they’re like spring rain and sunshine.

Get wisdom – it’s worth more than money; choose insight over income every time.

 

She invigorates.

She leads.

She refreshes.

She makes an impact.

She speaks out the crazy dreams and ideas, then actually does something with them.

She is remembered for her courage more than whether she was successful or not.

She actually has a go.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

She dares greatly and disrupts the boring, plodding, bland, beige and antiquated.

She has a go.

Oh my desire is that I would bring change and innovation. That my life would be marked by courage and not fear. That I would stop worrying about what others say and step out, send that email, ring that publisher, write that speech and make a difference.

Thanks Lisa Messenger, for inspiring this heart and life this winter.

To read the next part of this series click here: She keeps things simple

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she lets perspective shape her days

Western Australia
Western Australia
Swings with Libby and Max Fremantle, WA.

Today marked day sixteen in my household with no hot water. I woke up feeling a little despondent, but determined to count my blessings and soldier on in spite of the situation. The reason it has just taken so long, is a coordinated effort between three different contractors.

As I was walking on the treadmill though today, I was thinking about our shower/ power situation. Honestly I was having a little whinge to myself. No one else was in the gym, I was having my own little private pity party.

Mid internal whine, a young man walked past with his two sons. They walked around the corner and across the front pane of windows in front of me. As they moved past me with massive smiles on their faces, I felt my internal disposition switch.

You see there were two people walking and one little man in a wheelchair. They were both dressed identically in their hoodies and jeans, laughing and chatting, but one was pushed by his Father. I didn’t feel sorry for them, I was deeply moved with perspective.

I have a husband who is kind and caring.

I have a house that is safe and sound.

I have two healthy children who are my absolute delight.

I am extremely fortunate.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much for us to begin to count our blessings.

A woman of wisdom is shaped by a proverb like 15:15

Proverbs 15:15

For the despondent, every day brings trouble;
for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.

I was determined to live the rest of my day like it was a feast. A feast of lego, train tracks, little dollies and delight. We may not have the luxury of falling out of bed into a shower, but we have so much to be grateful for. We have food in our fridge, we have our health and opportunity.

We are blessed.

It’s funny, I see people sometimes writing “First world problem” on their status as a joke, but the reality is, most of what robs and steals our joys in the everyday are first world problems. I may not have had hot water in my little beach shack for a couple of weeks, but there are families just a short flight from me who have never had the blessing of running water full stop. Or maybe you might be having trouble selling our house, but there are people who have never known the safety of owning anything of worth. We may not like our job at the moment and feel completely frustrated by our boss, but there are people who have been out of work for years, desperate for food. We may not like our toddler climbing all over us longing for our attention, but there are little boys sitting in wheelchairs who will never climb unassisted.

This my friend is the power of perspective.

There is always someone who is wishing for what you are complaining about.

A woman of wisdom gains perspective.

In every season.

Click here for the next day in the series She is Wise: She is disruptive

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she knows who is in her tribe

she is...

We have family, we have friends and then I think women of wisdom have their tribe.

The dictionary defines a tribe as this;

a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognised leader.

Sometimes our friends and family form part of our tribe, but I have found in my life this is very rare.

The tribe I am referring to, is close companions who champion and celebrate your uniqueness, but speak the same language as you in the areas of your passions.

A woman of wisdom, has a tribe of women and men, who creatively challenge, who lead strongly together and who help one another contribute significantly to the community at large.

Proverb 13: 20 says

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

A tribe of companions that help one another grow and live the life they were designed with purpose to live.

I have a group of women in my life, who are leaders, they are makers, they are thought provokers, they are questioners, they are believers, they are change makers. Every time I sit with them (just like the proverb 31 when it says about her husband “he is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”), we talk, we theorise, we change the world and we disagree.

A group of women who are in my everyday and some who are far away, but they are the kind of leaders that I aspire to be and they challenge me daily to keep growing.

Another proverb says this quite simply;

Proverb 27: 17

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

If you are not disagreeing with someone in your tribe, you are not growing. This is what a tribe does so well together. We sharpen, refine, stretch, challenge, grow and believe in one another extravagantly.

If you are a peacemaker, who is trying desperately to please people and not rock any proverbial boats, it is quite likely that you life may be stagnating and your tribe has become a club lead by committee rather than a tribe of change makers who are disrupting the status quo, to bring purpose and life to antiquated ecosystems.

I long to be a change maker.

I want to be a woman of wisdom who brings contribution to every part of society that I am engaged in.

I cannot do either of these things, nor do I want to do these things without my tribe of crazy, creative, soulful, entrepreneurs who take risks, who live life largely, who bring change for the vulnerable in our society and who live beyond themselves.

I have people who are my friends, they are precious, they are nurturing and an essential part of my life.

But a woman of wisdom also knows that in the world of dream making, being isolated in leadership, business and family is an unsafe place to be.

She creates a culture of community in her life, that is breathtaking.

She journey’s with people who understand her heart and intensity.

She loves extravagantly, forgives quickly and celebrates small victories with the women in her circle of trust.

She refuses to compare and compete with the women in her tribe because she knows that is so destructive to the very core of its institution.

Your creative tribe is awaiting discovery.

They are there waiting to be included.

What one person can do is brilliant, what a whole tribe can accomplish together is profound.

This is the call of a woman of wisdom.

A call to a life of intimacy, community and radical surrender.

To read my next post click here: She lets perspective shape her days

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