As a mum of two pretty wild littles, I am often overwhelmed with the task at hand. My two-year-old is the one who goes over to the iPod and plays DJ at her ballet class. Then this morning after class we went to the local cafe and her tutu screamed as she lay on the floor demanding ice cream and attention from all.

The life of a Mum is one that is called to servanthood. It is a life of humility, making hard calls and often it is one of sheer embarrassment. I walk this very fine line of wanting my children to be wild and free, yet civilised and secure.

My husband works every day with youth at risk. He says to me often, the main reason why these boys are off the rails is because they have grown up with no discipline and boundaries. Boundaries make kids feel safe and children who have grown with strong boundaries and fierce rules grow into teenagers who know how to deal with the ebbs and tides of emotions, that adolescence brings with it.

The problem is, I want my kids to find their voice, I want them to learn to say no, I want them to be able to stand up for themselves, but at the same time have respect, be kind and stand up for the underdog.

As a Mum, I wrestle these same extremes in one morning of motherhood. The life of a Mother is a life of servanthood. We always have something to do. I don’t often sit and think, what shall I do today. I sit to rest after world war three has erupted in my loungeroom and I am like, what shall I do first; The washing, the vacuuming, make lunch, lunch is finished, the dishes, scrub the floor, now dinner…The list is endless.

Then I know how much I need to look after myself and how self-care is imperative in the life of a Mum.

How do I prioritise self-care, so I don’t scream my face off at those around me, whilst living a life of vegemite covered clothes?

How do I satisfy those desires of freedom and the wildness that grows deep within my uniqueness, yet not act in a way that offends and draws attention to myself?

I want to express my truth, the parts of myself that not many get to see, but at the same time be kind in the way I walk my days. Not only do I want that for myself, I so desperately want it for my children.

Finding ways to bring boundaries and discipline into my every day, but having the wisdom to know when they need to be thrown into the wind and dance freely as they whisk away.

I think routine, accountability and boundaries are important for both adults and children alike. If we spend our days with no rules, with unlimited choices and with no tasks at hand, we become extremely unproductive and unsatisfied.

The opposite is also necessary as well. We need days where it doesn’t matter if the dishes are piled by the sink, we need to walk away from the lists, the demands, the emails and the opinions of those around us and surrender to the call of the wild.

There is this part in every single one of us, that needs attention and care. It is a fragile voice that is asking for expression, there is a part of us that needs time to develop and arrive. When was the last time that you stood and faced the sea and screamed your heart out not worried whether anyone was watching? When was the last time you did something for the first time and your stomach landed in your throat? When was the last time you stayed in your PJs all day and ignored every single task?

Find your wild.

Find your routine.

Allow both of them to form your security and stretch.

We all have a part of us that desires freedom and release.

We are all calmed by boundaries, rules and opportunities to find peace in the path.

We are all called to live a life that serves another.

We are all designed to self-nurture, re-energise and find a place of peace within.

The question is never what part belongs in my life today.

The question is what part of me has not found its place recently?

Do you spend so much time looking after others that you are unable to look after yourself?

Do you spend so much time caring for yourself that you are unable to look out for another?

Wild.

Free.

Secure.

Civilised.

They all can coexist.

They are often in competition with one another.

Sometimes little tweaks can make all the difference.

What is a little tweak you have made lately to help these two competing parts of us be friends?

Amanda

I believe there are two types of people in the world and I have found the two definitions of the word “moral” can quite succinctly define them.

1. Standards of behaviour, principles of right or wrong.
2. A lesson that can be derived from every story or experience.

We have the rule keepers and those who look for the why of the rule; the story seekers.

The rule keeper, guardian, and officer for the wellbeing of the world.

The beckoning cloud of shame becomes a favourite tactic of the rule keeper. When they raise their eyebrows and tut their tongue they reinforce the absoluteness of the morality they have been endorsed to preach. The rule keeper, guardian, and officer for the wellbeing of the world, can often be found poised at the end of their keyboard awaiting an online misdemeanour, where their warrior keyboard ways, must inflict their judgement and infringement notice. The problem with the rule keeper, guardian, and officer for the wellbeing of the world is when the black and white judgements they have so fiercely preached, hit a little close to home when someone close by, breaks their heavily controlled borders. When our friend the rule keeper is brought into the place of chaos and change, their hearts and lives become entwined in the reality of their moment and the distinct lines they have drawn.

Then we have the story seeker.

The story seeker, walks carefully upon the earth, knowing the fragileness of its inhabitants and surroundings. They may have been once the rule keeper, but they realised that mess and tragedy befall us all and often there are no rules or boundaries that can fix the state of their today. The story seeker looks for the proverb that is hidden under the soil of a tree, they seek the wisdom found in the folds of their elderly neighbour’s cheeks. They seek the lines of the tracks of those gone before and seek out the direction they have travelled rather than the boundaries of the steps. The story keeper walks softly with compassion and is ever able to step into another’s shoes. They seek the insight of another’s point of view and take the time to unpack the complexity of every human’s plight. They know that lessons are available in every single life and not one life is ever a lost case. That we are all a part of the writhing mess of humanity, seeking purpose and direction.

Morality is a word that is often wielded as a mark of maturity or significance.

I, myself am drawn to the story seeker.

I believe that every single life is full of love and lesson.

I believe that every human has the right to choose their path without being beaten into conformity.

I believe in beauty in the ocean, a poem that speaks in a sunset and the cradle of a mother’s arms that invites humanity to a dance of trust.

I believe in you.

Your ideas.

Your strength.

Your purpose.

Your delight.

I choose number two.

Drawing grace from the chaos.

Speak again soon,

Amanda

I would never have imagined that Motherhood would bring so much joy coupled with so much frustration. Every, single, day. I would never have imagined myself with a four and a half-year-old and be still spending most of my week as a stay at home Mum.

I had plans.

I had intentions.

and so much drive.

But here I am four and a half years later, spending the last two years with another little and I am finally finding small, simple things that bring me joy every day.

Like the fact that I can wear my pajamas till eleven am and pretend that they were my choice of fashion for the day. That I can write and think and make my own barista espresso from home, whilst blaring the music of my own choosing.

The smell of laundry in the dryer in winter fills the whole back half of my house and I am actually home to hear it ding like a microwave telling me that hot towels can be folded and breathed in deeply.

Those moments when friends drop by any hour of the day and the kettle is swiftly switched on and stories can last for hours. When my two-year-old walks herself off to the bedroom and decides it is now time for a sleep, and the way we walk on our tippy toes and not wake her.

When I open the curtains in my bedroom and notice the teenagers next door on holidays or the old lady across the road who is picked up by a bus that talks of the Uniting Church and its love of the elderly. To see the daily life of my neighbours, to actually see them is a moment that brings simple everyday joy.

Ice cream at two pm in the afternoon for no special reason just because.

Noticing a new leaf on my indoor ficus fig plant, essential oils filling my house with clarity and peace. Podcasts and live streaming of events that make me think, music players in every room.

My collection of records and the record player that now has its own space and little thoughts that wonder towards hosting our larger family Christmas finally in our home because it has more than a few rooms.

Novice Motherhood has many moments that overwhelm and frustrate me, but honestly, the simple, ordinary moments that breathe joy into my very soul can so easily be missed. Deep breathing, I can do this and they are seriously hilarious moments that are acknowledged bring sustainable joy.

We can so easily miss the beauty because we are so immersed in the messy uncertainty. I am learning to let go of my need to have it all worked out and to lean into the little victories and the unknown parts of it all.

There are simple, everyday, ordinary moments of joy, that we quickly dismiss because we are lost in the magnitude of the task. I promise if you stand in the laundry and breathe deeply in that moment if you allow an afternoon dance to become your delight if a walk to the park becomes a giant adventure. You will begin to laugh and dream again.

Moments of beauty.

Moments of much mess.

Moments of utter lostness.

Moments of isolation.

Moments of satisfaction.

Moments of comfort.

Moments of freedom.

Moments that will never be recovered ever again.