On Saturday afternoon I arrived home after an event I had been coordinating to find my husband at our front door with my bags packed. He knows me, he knows what I need to find the inspiration that I so desperately needed.
He told me I had to go to the family farm. He told me to go find the space I needed.
With love and intention, he had packed my bags ready for me to drive away and find the strength I needed in a place of rest.
He knew I needed to drive, I needed to wage a war with my Maker, he knew the rising tide of questions within my heart needed to find expression. So I jumped in the car and drove, I searched for the inspiration in creation, I searched out the inspiration in the skyline, I was seeking answers. I laid out under the stars. I questioned and wrestled.
When I drive I exhale.
When I drive I sing and express.
When I escape and seek new scenery I find perspective and hope.
I drive with intention.
I drive with to find the grace my questioning heart is seeking.
Trying to find answers in a season of so much loss. Sick friends, illness, loss, death, stress and a world that seemed to be internally combusting. I felt like I was driving away from Armageddon and was seeking an answer, any answer, that would somehow quieten my raging heart.
Are you seeking answers?
Are you looking for strength in something beyond you?
Somedays we just need to be forced to find perspective beyond the landscape of our everyday.
I sat on the porch and talked about creation with my Uncle. I watched the sky turn from blue, to orange, to pink and deep blue again.
My little girl in the midst of my pondering ran in and out of the sprinklers screaming delight at the simplicity of the pleasure. She was seeking inspiration with a naive beauty, loving life at its absolute purest.
My adult heart was seeking answers to things that I just don’t have the perspective to ever understand.
My adult perception was looking for a big fat theological hat stand to hang my hat on.
Somethings we will never understand until the end of our days, somethings are just to confusing to find the boundaries that bring understanding. So sitting on the deck of my uncles farm, I found my faith again watching my daughter run underneath the sprinklers and enjoying water in a parched, dry land.
She delighted in the present.
She found her strength in the possibility of today.
Matthew 18: 3 says it this way…
“and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
I long to see the kingdom of heaven and I hope desperately to see my friends dancing and playing there.
For today I choose to have a childlike faith and look for the hope in the midst of the difficulty, anything more than that and my brain hurts too much.
Some seasons just don’t make sense.
Some days just don’t make sense.
And for today I choose to revel in the beauty of what is very simple in our world and try not to find the meaning in the bigger picture of it all.
Because sometimes things just don’t make sense and that is okay.
I loved this post Amanda, sometimes there is little to do but revel in the simplicity of a child’s view of the world.
Years ago during a particularly difficult time my then 5 year old made me a pasta necklace, I enjoyed sitting with him, stealing 10 minutes away from the crumbling landscape of my life to focus on the joy of creating this little treasure. I was so caught off guard in the moment that I had allowed my entire world to be devoid of joy because I’d just stopped seeing it, I couldn’t see through the clouds anymore. But he could.
He proudly hung that necklace on my neck and I wore it everywhere for 14 days, all day, it was so soothing to know that despite all of life’s unanswered questions and difficulties that there was still hope, still joy, still life and still beauty.
Thanks for sharing.
So beautiful. What lovely lessons we have in front of us. Somedays don’t make sense, but our children seem to remind us of the bigger journey. Thanks for sharing. XXOO
Just beautiful. Love it. Love you. Xxxooo
Thankyou. I am so glad my man knows what I needed. XXOO
Beautifully said Amanda
Thankyou Amanda. All my love
So beautiful Amanda. I felt like I got to take that journey with you if even for a few moments. My soul is also refreshed from these words. Sounds like a lot is happening at the moment….
Praying that all the answers you need will drift along your path, and for questions that will be left unanswered I pray peace, trust and rest. Cxx
Thankyou lovely. My husbands friend, the best man at our wedding died this week. We was sudden and so sad. A big week for us and his funeral on Friday XXOO thanks for your words and encouragement.
Nailed it. Completely.
gahhhh. thankyou.
I was hoping to read that you ran in the sprinklers too! Maybe next time?
ahhh, I didn’t even think of it. Next time. Next time indeed.