I often question whether my messy is enough.
At the moment on our bed is a doona, that from a distance looks pretty sweet, but the closer you get the aftermath of two toddlers in a small war zone undoes the mirage of perfection.
We have some red texta squiggles, we have some coffee spilled stains, we have life in abundance dripping over its falling apart seams and I love, loathe it in the same breath.
I am the speaker that rocks up to the pulpit with food stained down my dress.
I am the guest who drops her plate in the middle of a fancy supper and does her very best to hide into the background of the room recovering from my loud entrance.
I am the girl who has paint splashed on her jeans, mould growing on her fruit and sand dunes flowing out of her back seat.
I am messy.
I live messy.
My head is a little messy.
In a world full of perfection, filters and cameras ajar. Social media streams, pinterest storage solutions, spotify list intense displays. I am not that slick.
I am often late, I forget moments and beginnings, my brain is always designing a new way and the new way doesn’t often fit the mould that everyone is trying to fit in.
My instgram feed doesn’t have a brand or a flow because that’s not how my life looks.
My life she is a messy.
This morning in the midst of hosting a retreat, for fellow truth seekers I have been trying to do my diary for the first few months of twenty sixteen and it is a little messy.
My Mumma heart has the guilts because I am travelling overseas the few days before my little man is scheduled for an operation. My wifey heart is double guessing about how much is too much and what is important and what is just an opportunity.
My enough often looks a little messy and I am seeking peace in the midst of its imperfection.
The new comes my friend swiftly and quickly but it is always messy.
If you are looking for a neat, ordered, simple tomorrow, maybe you are containing its possibility in your enoughness.
Maybe you are stopping something fresh and interesting from landing on your door step, because you are afraid of the messy part.
The goodbyes, the culling, the letting go of, the reframing, the renewing, the old…
All of this process, she is a lot messy.
This year I am stepping out and trying to be okay with my messy parts so that I can step into the possibility of the new.
Nothing new comes clean and ironed, easy with instructions.
The new is like being given a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle and it is a lot messy before the picture forms.
So my friend let your enough be a little messy this year, you never know what could be around the corner and if you are like me, you rock up with your blackened roots and splashed coffee down your shirt, with your 2 am revelations and your 10am headache, let your messy be enough my friend.
Be a little kinder to your messy.
You never know what beauty is arising from those ashes.
Because I believe indeed there always is.
She is arising my friend.
Beauty she is in the eye of the beholder and I see perfection in imperfection, I see beauty in the midst of chaos, I delight in the extraordinary.
You my friend are that.
A little messy but a lot more than ordinary.