Yesterday as we dipped in and out of the ocean all day, I had an meandering conversation with my Mum talking about everything and nothing. We watched my babes build sand castles and rescue imaginary people with helicopters. We taught my little how to swim and not be afraid. We solved the world with every word, contemplating the complexity of human relationship.
One little quirk I noticed in my conversation is how many times we started our sentences with…
“I worry that…”
“I worry about…”
“I worry because…”
As two mothers chatting with decades of experience between us, one of the greatest struggles we were divulging was the impact of worry on our motherhood.
I am a dreamer, I spend much of my day thinking about the future. I play around with different ideas, I seek pastures of fulfilment, I spend a lot of my today in tomorrow.
As I look across the unfolding landscape of twenty sixteen, if I am really honest some really big dreams I have held for many, many years are coming to pass. In just a couple of months time I am going to Bangkok and Nepal, a dream that has laid dormant for decades. Most months of this year I have been invited to speak at events right around Australia including Darwin (which I have never visited before), Sydney and Melbourne. In October this year I turn forty and honestly I am so excited about the prospect of this opportunity because I simply have no regrets. I have lived my life wide and open, my today is honestly breathtakingly difficult and I am not ashamed to say I am living the life I have dreamed of.
With my littles in tow, with a beach shack that provides shelter, a community of friends and family who are my portion, a sense of contribution that is life defining. I am so grateful. I am more than grateful, I am completely overwhelmed at the goodness of God.
Despite this humbling perspective, I still worry.
Each invite to travel I get, I worry desperately about my children and whether enough is enough.
Each time I listen and document someone’s story, I play out the plotline across my own and I worry whether my life will take such a drastic turn.
I worry my son spends too much time with technology.
I worry whether his chicken nugget obsession will make him turn into one.
I worry if I am enough for my friends, my husband, my God…you get the picture.
And then I find a scripture like the one from Matthew 6:34, where Jesus encourages us to remain present in our today.
“So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
It sounds a little dark when you take it out of context, but across the whole passage, it is imploring us to trust that the Father of all, that the Creator of the universe, He is the one who brings all things together and is at work in our today.
So this year, rather than making decisions out of the handicap of worry, I am determined to change my language to one of trust. I am determined to shift my focus into one of gratitude for what is present in my today and every time I say that I worry about…
To shift my language and perspective to one of thanksgiving for what I have, rather than what could possibly happen.
I am thankful.
I am grateful.
I will remain in the peace of his promise rather than the worry of tomorrow.