day 33: when bandaids just won’t fix the problem

My little man has a slight obsession with bandaids at the moment. A scratch, a mark and a first aid emergency is declared. He wants the hospital bed, the bandage unrolled and Mummy doctor is employed. I watch my little man, lapping up the attention and the care, with a wry smile remembering that we all have these little people with their hands up internally asking for someone to fix the problem.

We are in a fixing season as a family and every time I want to pull out the bandaids, with Bob the builder precision, but a bandaid was never designed to fix a gushing wound, as much as quick and easy answers were never designed to bring deep healing to seasons of unanswerable tragedy.

How often do we ask God for a quick bandaid, when he is wanting to delve into the source of the infection?

Fixing can be an addictive need to plug a little hole, that never will solve the source of the breaking dam.

Today, in the midst of my sojourn towards Easter, I am attempting to stop putting bandaids on the external to try and stop the pain. I am trying to dig into the source of the places of ache and resolve the source.

Trust lies at my source,

Negativity and worry infect my wounds,

The activist in me, just wants to Martha out the problem and find the solution.

Lent asks us to wait,

Lent asks us to delve,

Lent demands us to find perspective.

We are drawn into an eternal dance of contradiction, that is leading us towards a death that was resolved with resurrection.

The pain we are enduring right now, when it is not covered by quick fixes, is drawn into a resurrected place. A place of peace and not knowing that the answers will be revealed eternally.

““I do not want to fix myself. I cannot fix myself. My natural fortitude served me well as a young believer and it was inevitable that I was habituated from birth to live in the power of self. But as I grow older in the faith, I find that I am invited by the Spirit to learn to give up the project of moralism, of trying to fix myself by my spiritual efforts. Rather, I want to open more deeply to Christ’s work on the cross and the work of the Spirit in my deep for my daily bread.” JOHN H. COE

Day 33: I am putting away the bandaids and asking that God would help me find the places of infection.