Last night I leaned right in, I listened and I asked for help. That help came in the form of prayer, of space and of time. The precious gift of a gathering with a community of people seeking to wrestle with God.
I remember what I thought was a silly story back in college of someone who needed space and time as a stay at home Mum and she would place a tea towel over her head and pray. Or I have heard the stories of people who have locked themselves in bathrooms, just to find some space. Now as a novice Mum of nearly four years I am learning how precious time can be. Space. No one needing me. Refuelling my places of lack. Recognising my need to find myself as well.
I drove my car to a local church and I sat, riveted by a story that I have heard time and time again. It is the story of Ezekiel, when he was taken to a wasteland, a grave yard, a place of desolation. The picture of the trial, the place of utter darkness and God spoke to him and told him to speak.
speak, to that which is dead and desolate and bring life.
Speak hope, speak truth.Find your voice to speak with authority to that in your life which has lost its way.
Do you feel like you have lost something?
How are you speaking to that part of your life?
I realised in the midst of this time of reflection, that when I enter a season of trial, when I am needing to find answers, I pull away. Not to a place of peace and rest, I lean out and away and try to work it out by myself. I am like a little girl who is desperate to work out the puzzle and runs away to my bedroom, not appearing until I have the solution. I lean out, I brainstorm, I create, I think, I produce and I work damn hard to bring back to life what has been lost.
My simple revelation last night was this…
What if I leaned in?
What if I waited in that awkward place of trial and then spoke. A soft voice, a heart that is waiting for answers, what if I relied a little more on others, rather than working it all out on my own.
Help from my husband,
Help from my God.
What if I rested in a place of trial and awaited for the answer to arise, just like the dry bones that rose as Ezekiel spoke life into them.
Are you standing in a place of desolation?
Are you in the midst of battle and your arms have grown tired from holding up a shield that you are unsure you can hold any longer?
Then rest, then wait and lean in.
Don’t lean out (I am speaking to myself here.)
Don’t try work it out all by yourself.
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
I got home last night and ripped out the middle pages of a pamphlet I picked up at the event that shouted in capitals…
Day 34: Learning to fight differently in the midst of trials and lean into Him.