Posted on 1 Comment

Making home the safest place on earth.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
MICI MAGAZINE

February rocked me like I’m not sure anything has before. Moments, memories and reminders of the past came knocking and I stood there at the door completely surprised by their arrival. I didn’t realise becoming a full-time School Mum, would require so much emotion and intention. I kind of expected a quick transition, lots of cafe time and a whole heap of silence.

Have transitions like this ever left you reeling?

Unsure of who you can trust and what is fact versus the rolling hills of movement and change.

March found me human again and each day I have been unpacking what it means to walk my family through difficult seasons of change.

We have all been there. The seasons when we would rather stay in bed. When the thought of showing up for our friends and family is overwhelming. We send sharp replies over text, we pull away hoping our closest people don’t notice and more than ever we seek comfort in the mundane.

My husband and I have been reviewing our intentions in this season around the sacredness of space and safety in our home. Creating rhythms that keep our fortress safe and knowing that once again we will rise.

This sounds so very intense, but maybe my little being away from me five days a week has created the space that I required to really unpack the pain left dormant from the past. Maybe facing my primary school once again every day has confronted my forty-year-old self, with thoughts from my five-year-old self. And maybe giving myself permission to fall apart when my little person doesn’t need me as much anymore.

Today as we drove home from school in the rain and my mind swirling with questions, I remembered the foundation that my little home is built on.

Safety,

Our Fortress,

Expression,

And Creativity.

Comfortable Silence,

Allowing ourselves to unpack and recover,

Warm blankets,

And Kind Words.

Hearts Raw,

Cuddles and Candles.

Soft, Gentle Words,

Faces and Eyes that Smile.

Sorry’s that tumble quickly,

And tallies of wrongs not counted.

Just like my Father in whom I trust and rely upon. When people confuse me and let me down, He is my fortress, He is my deliverer.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”

In these days when we find it difficult to know which way to turn and how to recover from the weight of our season. What if we created a fortress, full of light and love?

What if those closest to us, became our hiding place, rather than the people we hurt with our words?

What if encouragement became the bedrock of our homes, building up, rather than tearing down?

What if we were the ones that made our homes the safest places on earth?

Amanda Marie

Posted on 2 Comments

ten ways to be less serious and have more fun

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset
Ten Ways with Amanda

TEN WAYS TO BE LESS SERIOUS AND HAVE MORE FUN

My friend Tracy makes me smile even when she is not with me. I think about her and my happy increases. Last night she navigated the traffic, left a sick little in the care of her Dad and came over to my house for dinner. I knew she was here even before her car door slammed. She was laughing, she was in her PJs for a dinner party and honestly, she is everything that I love about humanity.

Every day she wakes up and sucks the marrow out of life. You would think if you met her that she lives a very simple existence, but you know what she is once of the most focused, productive and amazing women I have ever met. Everything she does is with intention and brilliance, but it is so playful. My pyjama wearing friend is a university lecturer for Paramedics. I cannot imagine what her students think of her antics, but seriously she is hilarious. She is also the class leader for parents for her school. She is a key member of her local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at her local church and guess what? She has never, ever had a social media account and she inspires me more than most people on the internet.

I want to be more like my dear friend Tracy. She inspires me to live a happier and more playful life.

Here are ten ways I am learning from friends like Tracy to be less serious and to have more fun.

Rock Up In Your PJ’s

Like seriously. What if you turned up to a dinner party or the movies, or your friend’s house in your Pj’s. Often I think we overthink our days and we miss out on the fun that is awaiting discovery. In a couple of weeks time, we will be gathering down south with a group of women and the first night of the retreat is a Diner en Blanc Pop-Up Party. It is amazing to me, that something as simple as wearing white, has sent women into a frenzy. Why not rock up in your Pj’s? Why not wear a two dollar dress from the op shop. Some days we just need to throw caution to the wind and do things we have never done before.

Put down your phone at the park

Yesterday I was chatting with my husband at the park, how he gets to leave his work in his office, but I never feel the satisfaction of feeling like I am finished for the day. We were sitting on a park bench, watching our children play and he just looked at me and said: “Babe put down your phone at the park.” Have moments and times when you are uncontactable. And jump up on the play equipment and leave your phone at home.

Camp out in the loungeroom

Lately, we have bought a new family tradition to our gang and it is a weekend camp out in the loungeroom. Movie nights and tents inside, finding ways to mess up our routine and enjoy one each others company. When was the last time you camped out in a friends loungeroom? When was the last time you had a sleepover? Camping brings out our inner child and you can’t help but smile in the midst of the mayhem.

Listen to a funny podcast

My husband works in an extremely serious and intense work environment. He is super intentional about transitioning from his work persona to his home persona. The best way he knows how to do this is to listen to a funny podcast the whole way home. He laughs, he repurposes and he smiles. Each month over on kinwomen, we publish a podcast and we seriously laugh a lot. If you are looking for one to start with you could try here.

Record your funny stories

My kids come out with hilarious things and sometimes I forget them as quickly as they have happened. Lately, I have been trying to write a little note on my phone about their funny stories. Little reminders so I can tell friends and family. Celebrating the crazy in the midst of the madness.

Say yes to uncomfortable things

Say yes to the quiz night, say yes to the movie invitation, say yes to things that you would normally say no to and sit at home on the couch instead. Sometimes it just takes a different atmosphere and environment to shake off the blues that try to overwhelm us.

Ride your bike

Is there something you did when you were younger that you haven’t done in a while? I got a text message from my husband whilst we were away last weekend on a speaking engagement and he said “I just rode my BMX to the beach at 9.30pm at night” Wohooooo. Sometimes we just have to pick up our bike, feel the wind through our hair and shout a little as we ride through the neighbourhood. Take off our corporate wear and pull on the active wear. Stepping into the sheer pleasure of life and love.

Ignore the mess and do something you love

This week I felt the heaviness of a life sown and I said to my husband, “Want to come op shopping with me?” Knowing it’s not his favourite thing in the world, but I needed to ignore the mess, the emails and the piles of laundry. I needed to do something that I loved. What do you love? What makes you smile? Is it riding your motorbike through the bush? Is it splashing around paint? Is it baking? Ignore the mess this weekend and do something that you love.

Eat popcorn and watch a kids movie

Tonight we are eating popcorn and watching a kids movie. In our pj’s and surrendering to the immaturity of it all. Popcorn, crazy songs, little happy dances and a life lived cray.

Stop worrying about the future and engage in your today

One of the greatest hindrances I have found to being playful is how much we worry. When I think too much, my life becomes way too serious. When I focus on the present and stop worrying about the future, I have way more fun. When you find yourself lost in thoughts and consumed with worry, replace those thoughts with things that make you happy. In this little notebook above, my dear friend sent this too me and the times I find myself stressed and worried, I pull this notebook out and I list the things that make me happy in the present. It works, it reframes and it is powerful.

What makes you have more fun?

Happy Friday friends. May this weekend be full of love and laughter.

Love

square

Amanda Marie

Posted on Leave a comment

When we stop comparing, competing and manipulating with one another the future is female

image1

Photo: Other Wild

I have just come from a quick catch up with an 80-year-old, a 50 something-year-old and my 40-year-old self. As I sat quietly watching the interactions unfold, I realised quickly that the opportunities available to my generation have been graciously given from those who have gone before.

There is a rising across the earth today and it is a gift to my daughter’s generation. There is a cry that is unveiling with clarity, that echoes from the wisdom of those who have gone before. There is a confidence that is beaming, from generations who have spoken out on our behalf.

The future is female and no I’m not a raving feminist. Hilary Clinton recently said “The future is female” and the prophetic nature of this statement has been reverberating ever since.

I am a Mum, who is committed to finding her way through the weary weight of expectations, to release and find a voice for those who are coming behind me.

I am dedicated to being the woman I needed when I was a teenager searching for someone who understood.

I am a friend who is showing up, despite my own weariness and cynicism.

I am a wife who is determined that my voice rising, will not silence or distance my husbands, but together we will hold hands and walk towards our tomorrow.

Our online social world has created a platform that brings with it an amazing weight of responsibility. As we casually scroll through the highlight reels of each other’s lives, we are inspired to live with courage like never before.

But the difficult part of this square shaped filtered world, is we don’t see the text message battles that shadow our courage. We don’t see the tears, that stain the beautifully ironed linen pillow cases and we don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt, in the midst of our questions.

The stranger on the internet; she is not your competition.

The friend who has what you have been waiting for; she carries a burden you know nothing about.

The wife who wears the latest fashion; she waits patiently hoping that her attention to detail will be noticed.

The entrepreneur who has launched another business; she is hungry and tired, praying for a break away from it all.

The pastor who disappoints you so often; she is doing the very best she knows how.

The leader who looks like she has it all together; stands in front of her wardrobe wondering whether she can dress for another day.

The writer who published once again; she sits in agony with a studio full of books wondering what she is even doing with her life.

The sister who seems so confident and sure; she drags herself up in the morning hoping that coffee will soothe her anxious heart.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Wendy Mass

Today as we celebrate International Women’s day, it is hard to ignore the rise that is dawning.

Wholehearted, Tender Warriors, Friend Keepers, Cheerleaders, Truth-Makers, Way Finders.

“Now more than ever, we need to ‘Be Bold’. We need strong women to step up and speak out. We need you to dare greatly and lead boldly.”

“So please, set an example for every woman and girl out there, who’s worried about what the future holds and wonders whether our rights, opportunities and values will endure.”

“And remember, you are the heroes and history makers, the glass ceiling breakers of the future.”

Hilary Clinton.

The Future Is Female. Step away from the comparison, step aside from competition and step over manipulation. When we create space and room for each other, everybody wins.

Amanda Viviers

My latest book “Dear Single Self” is available to buy here today.

 

Posted on 4 Comments

When life is brutiful and you are unsure whether remaining in the present is a good thing.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The flowers I bought myself last week are wilting and lately even coffee doesn’t bring the satisfaction it once did. As I sit here to write, my two-year-old has her arms crossed and is shouting “I have juice Mummy, I have JUICE!”

Considering she has already consumed two glasses this morning, my soft and consistent no seems to be redundant.

Motherhood is hard,

Marriage is relentless,

Being a daughter is tiring and I wish I could escape the present not embrace it.

The journey of this book “Present OVER Perfect” by Shauna Niquest, was enthralling when I was knee deep in rice paddies as I read it overseas on holiday, but reality lately has been biting and you know what? Staying busy seems to hold a greater reward.

When I slow I ache with dissatisfaction.

I would prefer to sleep for days and not face the complexity of what my present holds.

My son this morning drew on the class news bag, with a permanent black texta, declaring MAX and drawing a pretty divine airplane. The problem is that it is a shared, special bag across the whole class and showing up to the teacher, is like walking to the principal’s office and finding my messy, creative self in trouble again for breaking the rules.

Yesterday I took myself off to a counselor’s couch and I held this book firmly in my shaking hands and began to unpack the nerves it had been hitting. The present makes me shake with the brutality of it all.

Then as I walked my feeble heart back to the car and I reminded myself of the journey and the brilliance of holding my heart raw, rather than calloused and brittle.

Mary Oliver reminded me in the last page of the book with this…

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice-

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do–

determined to save

the only life you could save.

What did you learn from this journey?

Thanks for walking this journey Book Club friends, I kinda feel like I need to start the book again and re-read its offerings.

Amanda Marie

Posted on 6 Comments

The onion layers of pain, life and rejection.

Park Moments

Day in, day out my life seems to be unraveling lately.

It is not a falling over, “I can’t do this anymore, sigh”. It is more like the sting of an onion when it is cut open and the layers we peel off, to find the shape and brilliance of its core.

Present Over Perfect, came at a time when I knew some layers of my internal onion were needing to be shed but the question I asked myself was “Do I have the courage to actually face them?”

Thomas Merton said it this way…

“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level.”

In the past, I have sat in the drivers seat believing if I just schedule more, rearrange more and control more then everything will feel better.

I think one of the hardest parts of this present over perfect journey has been the realisation in me, that I have been hoping for a silver bullet or a formula with the golden answer. Questioning why I say yes to people constantly, unpacking the deep need for acceptance and people pleasing has been unraveling in my essential self.

I am okay with imperfection.

I wrestled that onion layer quite a few years ago. I have made peace with that place of putting my work and heart on the line and often step forward in vulnerability. The deeper place of unraveling, though, is where I get my sense of purpose and value from. I struggle to remain present in my moment with my today because I constantly striving for my tomorrow.

Yesterday I sat in a park with this book and felt the pain of this realisation. There is so much about my doing, that is tied up in my sense of belonging and no matter how much praise or approval I get, until I sit with the pain of rejection, I will never be able to move forward.

Agh.

What?

Rejection?

“They didn’t want me, they threw me way like a piece of unwanted food scrap and I was not respected in the process”

The pangs of rejection and the reoccurring theme of striving therefore birthed in my today.

Shauna explains it this way…

“If this journey has been the peeling of an onion, layer by layer, shedding external selves like skin, it seems we are reaching the centre. The centre is reached, once again, through silence, time, honesty, loss; by leaving behind all the voices and expectations, all the selves and costumes of other times, things that worked then but don’t work any longer”

The pain of this kind of self-discovery is as present as the first cut through an onion, the sting in our eyes, the rank smell that assaults our senses and the impossible feelings that we cannot cut through the pain.

Then as we make our way through the layers, we process them, we discover, we explore, it is like the aroma changes, from the butter of friendship and life, and the onion sweetens and releases the pain, encouraging us towards its lessons learned.

I am in a state of unraveling lately and my greatest lesson is around where I get my sense of significance and acceptance from. It feels like I am realigning my foundation and the cracks that rejection from my past has created are being filled in and restored once again.

This morning I took the time to say no, in brave ways that I have never done before, shifting and making space in my diary for nothing. Time for me. Time for my family, time to refuel and recover.

These little steps of recovery are monumental in the present day. Every time I prioritise the important over the urgent, I am reminding myself that living in the space of people pleasing and a regret is a place of future pain.

My book club question is this…

“Is there a layer that this book has been unraveling, that is painful but has purpose?”

As this journey with our book club comes towards the end, I am realising that I have just begun a whole new season of self-discovery.

Facing the pain of rejection is very real for me right now. Readjusting where I get my foundation of love and acceptance from and if I never did anything more with my life, for the rest of my days, would I live like I’m loved?

Amanda Marie