Anger is such a strange emotion. You would probably think that anger is more of a male associated weakness, but don’t worry it can take hold of the best of us and leave those around us shaking in its wake.
I find in my own life, anger disguises itself as defensiveness. When I am found on the defensive, it doesn’t matter who is in my way, I will argue my point until I feel like I have had my way. I suppose its on those days you could call me a bully.
I talk over people, I stop listening, my voice tone changes and I get louder, much louder.
Proverbs has a lot to say about anger and it’s little companions, defensiveness, bullying and harshness. Like this one;
Proverb 15: 1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
I am learning as a novice Mum, that a gentle answer achieves so much more than an emotion packed one. When I ask my son to stop, decreasing my voice rather than raising it, I am more likely to get a response. It’s like the louder we talk, the less capacity people have to listen.
Proverb 24: 10 says this
If you fail under pressure your strength is too small
That honestly makes me stop in my tracks. If I am failing when the pressure is on, then it shows my internal strength is too small. I have found the only way my internal world strengthens and grows, is through processing, talking, praying, thinking, writing and generally cleaning out what is happening in my heart. The funny thing is if we bury shame, it often manifests someday as anger. If we bury guilt or grief, the same thing happens, suddenly just like a volcano, one day anger erupts.
Proverb 20: 22
Don’t say “I will get even for this wrong, Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.”
My immediate response to this scripture is but…
Why, What, How?
Proverbs 21: 2 says
People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.
The funny thing about us humans is we justify our own responses in accordance to the injustice that has occurred to us. If we do not process the emotions, circumstances and happenings and find a way to let them go, to forgive and to truly clean house, we will always struggle in the emotional arena’s of our lives.
A woman of wisdom is slow to anger.
She takes a deep breath.
She doesn’t respond immediately.
Then show goes away and finds a way to process what has happened.
If I find my heart starting to beat fast and defensiveness rise, I am learning to turn away and come back to the discussion at another time.
Whether its with my children, my husband or a colleague.
This is not an area I have under control, I promise, as balanced as I may sound in this forum, their is a feisty, roaring lion inside of me that often needs to be tamed.
How about you?
Where are you in the anger stakes?
A woman of wisdom takes the time to assess this area of her life and softens her responses especially to those closest to her.
The next part of this series can be found over on Kinwomen’s blog it is called She is centred.