can my courage be enough?

On the weekend we gathered with a group of girls, who love photography but would not call themselves photographers. We each pulled out our cameras and dared to turn them off automatic and start to shoot manual.

There is something about gathering with people who are honest enough to say, I want to learn and enjoy the process but at the same time am unsure. Our gather and grow sessions require courage. Courage to sit at a table with strangers, courage to say this is who I am and I want to learn. Courage to show up. Courage to speak about areas we don’t know much about. To admit that we don’t know.

Everytime I do something that takes me out of my comfort zone and stretches my capacity, courage grows.

I think sometimes I just expect of myself that courage is something I should have. I question whether the little bit of courage that hovers in my soul is enough. People often ask me how I do the brave things I often do in my world, like write, speak, my crazy random ideas and mostly I tell them honestly “I am just having a go and making most of it up along the way.”

The reason I am so passionate about creativity is it is like an elixer for our courage health. Creativity connects us to our true voice, the part of us that communicates without words with our worth. When we express something, when we learn a new skill, when we find a nugget of truth and it sinks in to bring health and intention to our self esteem.

When we open ourselves up with courage to do something we have never done before, it is like the muscle of courage is excercised and it makes us stronger.

Do you ever feel like you dont have enough courage?

Does your fear of failure stop you from stepping into situations that you kn0w would be so good for you but your courage wanes?

I know that feeling well. You may read my writing and watch my life stream through social media assuming that courage comes easily to me, but thats not always the case.

Everytime I do something new, everytime I show up in a social situation, each time I speak the truth even when it hurts, it requires a big dose of courage and there are some days that I worry whether my courage will be enough.

Like today, I am in hospital again having surgery on my leg, just day surgery, I am going home to my family sometime soon but this morning as I floated away under general anesthetic I seriously questioned whether my courage would be enough.

In pre-op, I heard families chatting about their pending birth of their baby, I heard a four year old screaming in pain, I watched nurses tending to their patients. I needed to excercise my courage muscle.

I breathed deeply, I prayed silently, I en-couraged myself softly.

Courage is not something that we each have, it is a part of our life and love that grows.

The people who are most courageous are those who have grown their courage and nurtured it.

I love this Psalm 27

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage.

The reason I love it is because the poet is telling us courage is available for the taking. We can find it. We can gain it. Courage is a big part of our life that can grow. Every time we show up and do something we never thought we could, it’s like we inject our hearts with courage. Every time we fill our minds with the truth rather than negative false truths, courage arises. Every time we do something that is deeply connected with our love, passions or purpose courage grows.

If you are questioning whether your courage is enough for the new season that is awakening, just know that it is a seed that has the potential to grow.

Whether you are contemplating leaving your job and stepping into a new season, wondering how you will survive another year like the last, going to an event that scares you, book in for a mentoring session, take time to answer the New Year questions, write a blog or even use your camera without the automatic settings….

Everytime you feel the fear and do it anyway, your courage may not feel like it is enough but it grows.

The only way your courage recedes is when we don’t step out and do the things we have been intending to. Courage is only activated in the doing.

Dear Lord,

Help me to step out and activate my courage this year. Show me ways to trust and breathe in deeply the truth of your words. May my life be an example to others of strength in You. May my life be a beacon of courage, even though often it feels so far from it. May I have the courage to keep stepping forward towards dreams I have held deeply for years, even though there are times when I question whether I am worthy.

Amen