Author: Amanda Viviers

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We need to learn to date ourselves before we expect others to date us.

Learning to love myself just as I love and respect others has been one of the greatest lessons that this year has given. I had no idea that Motherhood was relentless.

Everyone promised me that when the kids went to school that things would get easier. They promised me when they slept through the night, exhaustion would fade and the sun would peak through the dark clouds on the horizon. We talked for five years about what we would do when he went skipping off down the school path.

But they lied.

They all offered me an expectation that was unachievable and I grieved the nomad lifestyle I had when my babies were small. I had no idea that school hours would become so restrictive and the goal posts grew smaller with fundraisers, discos, jog-a-thons, crazy hair days, collections for the Vincent de Paul, homework folders, swimming lessons and the list grew daily.

This year I had to learn to block out time for myself, to find the depth of resource that was hidden in my soul, to once again grow.

Growth is painful. It is like a stretching of our courage to believe that we can once again do more. Growth increases our capacity, to juggle and bend. It makes us more flexible and this is an undervalued quality in a person, that no one tells us is required.

Above all of this, however, I am learning that if I do not find ways to look after myself, to refill my tank and to take the time to date myself, no one else will want to hang around with me.

Do you fill your days with tasks for others?

Do you then feel ripped off when no one reciprocates for you?

It is easy to forget that we need to prioritise our own needs above that of those who are around us. That is why when travelling on an aeroplane, we are told over and over to put on our own mask, before trying to fit someone else’s. If we are unable to breathe how can we help someone else?

Every Christmas season I find myself depleted at the end of a season of growth. Adulting is stretching and to just stay sane, takes a lot of deep breaths and patience. That is why for the last fourteen years I have planned little dates with myself to recalibrate and recover.

This year I have created a workbook, pro forma to help you retreat away from the crazy and find your voice again.

It is called New Days.

If we keep doing the same thing over and over we cannot surrender to the new.

It is a journalling pro forma.

An opportunity for you to get it messy, to draw, to explore, to refine and to recover.

Set a date for yourself today.

Download your copy here.

Or order your printed version here.

Enjoy dating yourself this Christmas and let’s together continue to grow in the way we are kind to yourself.

Also, my friend Rebecca Ray has released an amazing tool to help you be kinder to yourself, you can sign up for it here.

Amanda

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12 days of Christmas

We are super excited to announce our annual social media campaign…

12 Days of Christmas. Secrets In the Bay.

 

A 12-day profile of local businesses in the Rockingham, Safety Bay, Shoalwater, Baldivis, Kwinana Regions. Last year we had an engagement of over 100,000 views on the products we promoted in the lead up to Christmas. We are passionate about the local region and this promotion is all about celebrating buying local this Christmas.

Here is how it works:

*download the terms and conditions here

*All Products must be delivered by the 4th of December to Kent Street Deli Attention Secrets in the Bay.

*Applications to info@amandaviviers.com or emma.hazeldean@gmail.com including full social media URL links.

*12 businesses only.

*Product must be $50 RRP or more.

What the business gets…

*3 original product photos

*Exposure to secrets in the bay media channels.

*Engagement with the local community.

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how to find perspective and rest

I think there is something attractive about humility and something deeply repelling about pride.

Allen Ginsberg says it quite perfectly…

“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.”

Perspective is often gained in the most unlikely places and I am learning it is seasons of hiddenness that can bring the greatest rewards. We live in a society that is obsessed with fame.

This time of the year brings out the worst in us all. The hurry, the family conflicts and the stress.

One way that I have found perspective and rest in the midst of the craziness at this time of the year, is to personally retreat. I take one afternoon, I grab a glass of wine, my favourite pen and I write. I have done it now for fourteen years and it has been the greatest tool for finding my voice and dreaming again.

This year I have released the questions I have asked myself in this personal retreat in a downloadable book. I take the time to retreat from the world. Retreat from the stress. The busyness and find ways to dream again for the coming year.

The beginning of this book starts with this sentiment;

“A simple sentence has been repeating over and over in my heart lately. If we keep doing the same things we have always done and we are expecting a different result, that is insanity.” Amanda Viviers, New Days.

Are you looking for perspective this year?

Are you wanting rest, from the constant hustle that is promoted by our society?

Then take the time to retreat, create a plan for 2018 that includes time for rest. Maybe its time to have one day a week away from social media? Maybe you are wanting to write, sew, draw or start a new hobby? Then make time, schedule it in and most of all begin to dream again for new days.

“Courage is not shaped by a Wonder Woman cape, it is an everyday girl facing that which terrifies her and saying yes anyway.”
Amanda Viviers

 

Download and print off today and take the time to reflect to find clarity.

Amanda

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Come Closer; chapter four braving the wilderness

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because the sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

James A Baldwin

This time last Monday I was sobbing in my car at school. The pressure of my pending new book release, a broken car being towed to the mechanic but the real story was bathed in jealousy.

There is always fifty-five sides to a story and in the wake of my meltdown over the last week, I have zoomed in on the foundation of the story that held me captive in that moment.

It was a metaphorical pimple that screamed out for attention and I had to unpack the depth of the pain. This is the beauty and the sheer terror of community. It is easy to hold judgements and let pain slide when we watch humanity from a wide angle lens. But what about when it’s on micro zoom? What about old wounds that surface, from your family of origin and how come it is so painful to face them with authenticity?

Each Monday, we have been walking through Brene Brown’s latest book “Braving the Wilderness” with our online book club Mondays with us. And I find myself here today in chapter four.

People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.

Recently I sat in a workshop “How to Deal With Anger” by Anne Galambosi. She unpacked many different ways that we can make friends with our anger. One of the greatest lessons that I took away from her workshop, was to come close to my anger, rather than push it away. She brought a participant up on the stage and held their arms. She said, “Struggle, wrestle, come on try and make me let go of you”. And the more distant she was from the person, the harder it was to break away. However, she showed us, as we come close to the anger. The person was easily able to break free.

Brene says it this way…

“Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalising anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection.”

The closer we become to anyone, humanity, our family, our friends, our work colleagues,  and in of our relationships, especially when they are accessed from an authentic place, the more likely it is that we will face conflict.

I love the question that Brene explores in this chapter around conflict, emotions and having a different view.

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed, my default is “agree to disagree” and shut it down. What do you think about that approach?

My answer is this.

I am terrible at agreeing to disagree. I am not the flight person in this scenario. I have learnt to fight.

The problem is, my fight tendency has ruined some relationships because they have felt attacked in the midst of my struggle to find a middle ground.

What about you?

Then she goes on to ask this question.

So if we decide to be brave and stay in the conversation, how do we push through the vulnerability and stay civil?

The greatest discovery I have been walking through has been where I find my identity and how I answer this question in the midst of differing points of view.

Conflict transformation could possibly be my greatest lesson that I am learning as a leader. The easy answer is to learn to walk away. This could be a solution, because then maybe space and time, would help me to respond with more grace and kindness.

How do I stay in the place of difficult emotions like jealousy, rage, envy and strife without maiming my fellow human being?

I am learning to breathe in the midst of these interactions. I am learning to comfort my inner child and reassure her that she is okay. I am learning to talk openly with safe people about my weaknesses and the places where I fail. And most of all, I am being kinder to myself in the aftermath of interactions gone wild.

My book club question, for the comments below and in our group is this…

What are you learning in the midst of conflict from this book?

Deep breathing over here.

Smile

Have a great Monday gang.

Amanda

Latest Release New Days available to download here for $9.95 today. A downloadable vision workbook with reflection questions to help you process the year that has passed and into the new year or season with intention.

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You failed this year, its okay so did I…

 

So you failed this year…

It’s okay.

So did I.

There is something about failure it sits with us in the midst of our humility and asks us to try again.

Failure has a shadow companion and his name is “Shame”. Shame sneaks around corners and offers us comfort in the midst of our mistakes. He curls his finger and beckons us to come and sit to stay awhile.

The thing that shame forgets to tell us on purpose, however, that nothing of significance is birthed without failure and mistakes. You see the precipice of change, that place in our future between what is and what could be, is the unknown department of what if?

The land of what if is a place where the ground is extremely unsteady.

It shakes and tumbles, it quakes and makes you feel uncomfortable.

When you step into the new and leave the comfort of shame behind, you realise that anyone who has done anything of significance has failed.

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something. So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make new mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

Neil Gaiman

The power of reflection, journaling and writing always will help us find perspective in the midst of our failure. When we take the time to sit in the discomfort of the waiting place, we uncover the secret wisdom that invites us to the beauty of humanity.

The grace place.

The sinner’s table.

The place between what is and what could be.

At the end of each year, I retreat away from the noise that SHOUTS loudly and I ask myself a series of questions.

I set myself up in a cafe, with coffee and a slice of cake and I breathe. I walk the beach and I start to pray softly.

Thanking God for the year that has passed and I start to let go of everything that has disappointed. There is something about taking the time to reflect and regroup that creates space for growth in the New Year.

Questions like…

What has been a positive experience?
What has been a negative experience?
Where have I grown the most?
What am I especially thankful for?

I have realised that it is easy to allow the negative to overtake a year, rather than allowing the simple, the beautiful and the surprises to come back to the foreground.

As I take the time to reflect on the different spaces in my life, I see over a long season of rest and recovery that the fruit of the spirit is growing or decreasing in my life. I re-shift my alignment in these times of journalling and writing by myself and I realise where my true north alignment is again.

When was the last time you took the time to have an appointment with yourself with a journal and reflected?

Here is the proforma that I use in this personal retreat available for you to download today. This year your download includes; Planning documents for your business and personal products. A weekly schedule to plan in time for the scaffold of your week for your passion projects A mind map proforma to help you brainstorm out your yearly goals and over one hundred reflection questions to help you discover your voice and opportunities for the new season ahead.

So as we walk into the crazy holiday season, here is my prayer for you.

I hope that you make mistakes this coming year because it is a place where we remember the grace and the power of forgiveness. I hope that you are edging towards the new and doing things that are unexpected and full of possibility to find your new language and voice for tomorrow. I hope that you thrive in the midst of your humanity, learning to love like you have never before. I hope you flourish even when it feels like your hidden place is dry and unforgiving. 

Amanda