Author: Amanda Viviers

15. Start a journal for your future husband.

One of the greatest ways that I processed the despair of my waiting was continually finding ways to keep my heart hopeful.

It sounds a little random, but during the times I felt most despondent, the days that I thought I would never get married, the days I thought I would never have children or a family, I wrote.

I wrote in a book.

Some journal pages have been since ripped out, because honestly no-one needed to read them, but most of them I found myself writing to my future husband and reminding myself of all the things I believed that one day would come true.

On our wedding day, I woke up to a tree. A beautiful sterling silver tree, covered in little cards and notes from my husband to me on our wedding day. Precious little encouragements to remind me how much he adored me and I gave him a leather parcel containing a gathering of letters and journal entries, musings on days when I believed he was far from reality, prayers about him wherever he was, moments waiting to meet him and continue on our lives together.

Some people might think this is a little desperate and I’m sure some of you are thinking, “what if I never get married?”

I believe that if it is a desire of your heart, I believe if it is a dream, I believe if it is a deep longing, that it will indeed be fulfilled.

I will believe that for you, even on the days that you cannot believe it for yourself.

I believe that God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts.

Writing and speaking out those longings is a great part of building your faith and belief too.

14. Go to the movies by yourself.

For most of you, I bet this is not a big deal, but for me, I hated going to the movies alone. There was something about sitting in a big old cinema, feeling lonely surrounded by other couples, and groups of friends and family chatting that made me feel even more alone.

The summer when I faced this fear and I have just swum in the river upstream, against the tide of people and popcorn, I felt like I had overcome the world.

Going to the movies by yourself might not be a biggie, but what is?

Buying a house by yourself?

Shifting out from your family’s home?

Travelling to Europe?

What is the sacred cow, that you will not sacrifice until you are tied?

Maybe it is time to do that very thing you fear. There are many things we can do without needing someone by our side.

Be brave, dear friend.

12. Book a counselling/ mentoring/ pastoral care/ chaplain/ life coach session.

I believe we all have something deep within us, that hasn’t yet been expressed. A secret, some thoughts, some unmet expectations, some desires.

We have seasons when we have let go and other seasons when we feel completely overwhelmed, but I have always found in my walk, there is always something new to learn about ourselves.

There is a simple psychology principle called the Johari window. It is a four-paned piece of glass that sheds light on how we see ourselves and how others see us.

If we were a window, with four panes, we be been seen in four different ways.

1) Things we know about ourselves that nobody else knows (eg secrets).

2) Things we know about ourselves that everyone knows as well (eg I have blue eyes).

3) Things about us that others see but that we have no idea about (eg a fault).

4) Things that we have no idea about and no-one else does either; only God knows (our purpose, potential, future).

I have always found it useful to take time to sit with a professional, whether it be a life coach, a counsellor, a chaplain, a psychologist, a priest, a nun, a pastor, a leader.

Taking time out to share your heart and ask for reflection.

Why don’t you book time to do this sometime this month and simply start to talk about what is being brought up in your internal world.

11. Jigsaw puzzle time.

I have a great friend, her name is Penny. She works so hard and loves crazy deep. Every holiday that she embarks upon with her family, especially at Christmas, she buys one of those massive jigsaw puzzles from a charity shop and places it on the family dinner table.

It is a distinct sign to her family that it is time for them to slow down.

A 5,000 or 10,000 or dare I say it 20,000-piece jigsaw puzzle is not for the faint hearted.

It is for the patience warrior who needs to take time to bring it all together.

This is my thought: go and buy a jigsaw puzzle. One of those really big old-style ones and start to piece it together.

It will build patience in you. It will test your patience. It will slow you down.

It will increase your awareness of your thoughts and whether you are in a positive or negative head space.

It will grow you.