Author: Amanda Viviers

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How to stop fighting with yourself.

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We are our greatest critics. Our voice, our unique is often squashed under the unmet expectations of should.

How often do you roll your eyes internally about yourself?

I have been on a healing journey over the last few years and I am far from finished, but one of the greatest places of healing has been the way I speak to myself. We are often our greatest critics and our hearts grieve for kindness.

My body has held onto expectations that have been hidden my whole life. My heart has had scars reverberating through my years from words spoken that have been etched inside my today. My mind worries often about what has gone and gives constant suggestions of what could have been.

Do you fight with yourself?

Is the greatest conflict you encounter an internal one?

I have been on a journey of discovery my friend and it is a never ending story of hope and broken bridges. Life is art not science and I am seeking the beauty of simplicity in the folds of its palette.

Relying on God has to begin all over again everyday as if nothing yet had been done.

C.S Lewis

Grace

I am learning to pause and find grace with myself. Being kinder in the words I speak internally and the expectations I yearn for perfection. I am learning to say “It’s okay, you are doing you’re best.” Where in the past I would of ached with shame and the weight of responsibility.

Quiet

I am learning the deep satisfaction of living a quiet life. One that doesn’t need affirmation or acknowledgement of others to find my sense of success and contribution. Slowing down to appreciate the simplicity of moments and smiling as a friend with low expectations rings to say hello.

Okay

I am smiling often when I just let something go and allow a thought of drivenness to arrive, then wave it goodbye as it walks away. I am remembering it is okay to sleep in and also go to bed early and that when I turn off my phone and I miss a call, that it is not the end of the world. It is okay to not be okay, it is also okay to be not enough. Sitting in the space of growth and discovery, finding life awakening in the very broken parts of our humanity.

Difference

I am swelling with thankfulness in realising that if someone disagree’s with me, it is not my place to try and convince them of my side of the story. The great satisfaction in removing myself from conversations and spaces that are not helpful, healthy or whole. I want to celebrate different and live in the deep place of wanting to learn more every single day.

How do we stop fighting with ourselves?

We do this by slowing.

Slowing.

Slowing.

Slowing.

Listening.

Listening.

Listening.

Saying sorry, sorry, sorry.

and allowing ourselves to grow in those places that we just want to hide from the world.

Be a poem my friend,

and its structure is the way that we speak to ourselves.

Amanda

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I’ve just release a small batch of my letter press prints for Mothers day.

Click here to get yours today.  $20 includes postage within Australia.

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Escaping pain and finding the Wounded Healer

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I have spent my whole life trying to escape the fear of pain. No matter the strategy of my season pain has visited like waves in the surf; constant and rhythmic. The fear of pain is often more painful than pain itself and circumstances across the last year have forced me to surrender to its power.

We were sitting at the dinner table, my husband and Mum casually chatting and my daughter fell off the table. She cried, she was okay and we comforted but then my Mum remarked: “Amanda, used to hold her breath when she was little until she passed out, whenever she was in pain.” Then quite casually my husband laughed “Yes, she still does it now.”

Breathe,
Ache,
Absorb,
Reflect.

It was a casual family goad, but I found a release that I had been searching my whole life for. As a youth, in the midst of pain, I would fight. Still holding my breath, but I would push and shout, scream and demand attention. As a Mum, I have learnt to hold back, retreat, disappear and minimise.

I am learning that neither response is helpful or healthy. Holding my breath to try and escape the pain, has left me with a heart that is large but cavernous. I think our hearts were designed to be soft and beating. Retreating, ignoring and running away however creates walls, distance and bitterness.

I realised to shut down pain was to shut down joy and to live a satisfying life I wanted to feel again without holding my breath.

Richard Rohr says it perfectly;

“Pain that is not transformed is transferred.”

Despite my breath holding, my pain always transfers. Despite my hand holding, the pain it catches up with me again. Pain awaits resolution, it aches for release. And often without understanding, I struggle to let go of that which aches and I go over and over my prevention strategy.

Then I land at Good Friday.
Good what?

I sit at the foot of the painful cross and I reflect upon my Wounded Healer. He speaks to my pain, where no one else has been able to, with a megaphone of grace that unsettles my need for comfort.

He shouts; “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me”.
He wrestles; “Not my will be done, but yours”.
He transforms; “Father forgive them, they know not what they do”.
He rests; “I thirst”.
He releases; “It is finished”.
He surrenders; “Father into my hands, I commit my spirit”.

Pain acknowledged.
Pain recognised.
Pain transformed.

Henri Nouwen tugs at my heart as he chides

“The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there.” Henri J.M. Nouwen.

Pain acknowledged.
Pain recognised.
Pain transformed.

“I imagine Jesus going to the blind, beggars, leapers, sick, demon-possessed, and little children: and I bet he fit right in. Maybe no one could tell it was Jesus from afar, because they expected someone cleaner. I wonder if Jesus bent down on one knee to the girl with the cleft lip, touched her face, and called her beautiful. I wonder if he prayed for her right on the spot, hugged her, pulled back her hair and told her to smile. I wish I could’ve seen her light up, throw off all insecurity, and do something worthy with her life. That’s what Jesus is about. I want to be about that too.” J.S Park

As I walk across the contemplation of this weekend, my heart tender from the pain of anger, disappointment, regret, remorse and disillusionment. I surrender to the utter depravity of the desert and walk tenderly into my tomorrow.

Amanda Marie

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ten resources to help me stay sane!

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Artwork by Melissa Smith Letter Press by Ann Ong Whiteman Park Print.

This week has been crazy busy, so I thought I would write a quick post with ten resources that help me stay sane in the midst of busy seasons.

1) Task lists, Weekly Schedules and Overviews are my go to!

Click here to find my favourite free downloads. Schedules

2) Water

When I am busy, I deliberately drink more water. Lately, I have been using this to help me keep an eye on my water input. Here is a great app, to help you keep on top of your water intake.

3) Inspiration Input

When I am busy, reading is often the first thing to go, as I am so tired. I have been listening to audible books lately and although I fall asleep, I am still inputting inspiration. Check out one book for free here.

4) Facetime

This morning one of my favourites facetimed me. She was walking her dog, I was cleaning up corn flakes off the floor and we connected. This is a cheap facetime app for your mac computer.

5) Urgent Over Important

It is often easy to get stuck on the urgent tasks in a busy week than to actually focus in on the important. It may feel satisfying to swipe off everything from our list, but what is being left behind that is not asking for attention. Here is a simple tool to download and print that will help you quickly use the eisenhower matrix. What is urgent, what needs to be delegated and what is important.

6) The Creatives To Do List

I love this printable and I use it with clients a lot. Write a massive list and empty your mind of all the tasks and then find ways to schedule what needs to be done. This one from Jennie Designs is a total favourite.

7) Say No Printable

I have found a printable that I save as my screen saver on my phone and can be printed out and put up somewhere visual. Using visuals to help find peace and strength in times of stretch and challenge has been such an amazing tool in the past. Say no to unnecessary crazy.  Here is also some helpful phrases in saying no. Learning and practising these phrases helps us set boundaries.

8) Spotify the House

I fill my house with music in times of high stress. Lots of Classical music and inspiration music. Here is my current favourite from spotify.

9) Coffee each morning

A quiet coffee, with music before the day begins and one in the middle of the day is my little mindful moment to help find my peace. What is your ritual that re-grounds you? Find one and make it a part of your rhythm. Yesterday someone asked if there were any jobs over the weekend I needed and I said, you know what? Can you bring me a coffee on Saturday morning? It will be the one thing I wont prioritise in my 8am start, but it will be my one moment of mindfulness.

10) Remind myself how far I have come

One of my greatest weaknesses in times of stress or pressure is I am harder on myself than I am anyone else. I easily can be defensive, because I am trying to quickly be effective in what I am working on. Every day I need to remind myself how far I have come and that I am still a work in progress. I love this print from Melissa Smith.

Happy Weekend friends,

Why don’t you take time this weekend to retreat and #dateyoselfie

When we take time to rest, we allow our lives to be ever becoming.

Amanda Marie

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inspire creative retreat

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What I can do is offer
myself, wholehearted and
present, to walk with the
people I love through the
fear and mess. That’s all
any of us can do. That’s
what we’re here for.
Shauna Niquest

This weekend a hundred and fifty women are retreating together in the South West of Western Australia. We put together this Magazine, to inspire and encourage the women coming.

I thought you might want to take time to retreat as well this weekend and have a little read as well.

So here is the EMAGAZINE download link.

Have a great weekend and if you are the praying type, keep us in your thoughts and words.

Hoping you take time this weekend to rest, even just one hour, by reading the articles by our amazing writers and remembering that you are enough.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” 

Brené Brown

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ten lessons that enchanted me from Beauty and the Beast

Last night as the sun faded and the moon swayed, we walked into a rose clad cinema and picked up our flute of champagne. Dancers waltzed through popcorn and strawberries were served with chocolate on sticks. We watched the Perth premiere of disney’s latest film release of Beauty and the Beast and it was worth every bit of the hype.

As I watched the film throughout, I found myself breathing in inspiration with themes that moved my heart.

Here are ten lessons that enchanted me from the latest disney version of Beauty and the Beast

1) Ignorance is the reason of fear

The crowd and its culture struck me raw in last nights movie rendition of Beauty and the Beast.

We don’t like what we don’t understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least…

Belle

When was the last time you rejected someone, or called them a beast because of the way general society was speaking about them? Ignorance my friend is the reason of fear.

2)Finding freedom in the release

The greatest act of love is letting people go. This saying as old as time rings true as much as ever…”If you love someone, you must let them go at some point.” Beauty and the Beast proved this to be right. Sometimes, because we have priorities, we need to be set free. Seasons change, friendships fade, moments transition. There are many times in the highs and lows of our lives that we need to find freedom in the release.

3)Beauty is deeper than face value

This is such a simple truth and of course when we say it logically we agree. What about in our Instagram follower focused culture? How often do we priorities someones perceived success by their online following and filtered feed, rather than the consistency of their character? Beauty is deeper than face value and success is not as simple as how many people follow.

4)Reading has the capacity to take you anywhere in the world

I want to adventure the great wide somewhere…

Belle

Every time we read something from the mind and heart of another we grow. Our world grows, our empathy grows and our impact on the world grows. Reading is the greatest armchair traveller. When we expand our minds, it also expands our futures.

5)Ever learning

When I was a teenager, I made this simple decision and it has honestly changed my life. I decided one day, I will never, ever stop learning. There is something profound when we constantly sit in the seat of the student, rather than thinking we know it all. Both Belle and her Father, lived lives that were ever learning. This on trait, bought them to places that only the seeking could have found.

6)A chipped cup can still do the job

Little chip warmed my heart. He made me feel an affinity with the innocent and childlike parts of ourselves that just want to be a part of the bigger picture. In the midst of a team and a community, I find the chipped cups with character, the most rare. You know those people. You smile when you see them coming. They bring light and life into dull corridors. If you are a little chipped, don’t worry I believe you can still do the job.

7)Happily Ever After looks very different to what we think

It is so funny to think, what I thought Happily Ever After looked like as a young adult. I had such bizarre thoughts around marriage, motherhood and living a life of my dreams. Today I am very much living my Happily Ever After, but it looks nothing like I thought it would. Sometimes we miss the gold, because we are looking for it in the final package. Every prospector must look for the gold. What are you missing, because you are unwilling to dig a little?

8)Finding your unique and celebrating your weird

I often find myself feeling small and strange in a room. I always have food on my shirt, I am the first to drop my plate and it smashes, my mind is often away in a distant land. When we celebrate and find our unique we live a life that is far more satisfying. Belle’s Dad, was a man on a mission to explore the unique in his world. In the end this was the one trait that found him whole and his daughter living the life of her dreams.Love means accepting each other’s weirdness because it makes what you have special.

9)How society excludes and promotes

Lately I have been really aware of the power of rejection and elitism in our world. Belle was a idealist and she often spoke of far off distant lands with quotes like…

I want more than this provincial life

Belle

It was so apparent in this movie that the society that surrounded Belle excluded and isolated her because of her idealism. Our society often excludes those who are pioneering a new way and rejects them. Our society often promotes people who seem to be going with the flow and have the loudest voice like Gaston. Hatred and exclusion, will not win in the end. I am so sure of it. If you want more than the provincial life my dear friend, go for it.

10) Anger and love find it difficult to co-habit

Lastly, but most profoundly anger and love find it difficult to live together. Anger, harsh words, insecurity and walls prevent those closest to us from finding the true place of our hearts. We need to find positive ways to express these feelings of betrayal, disappointment and mistrust. It is difficult to love in an environment of anger and hate. How are you going in the area of Anger? When was the last time that you found a positive way to process emotions in your world?

These lessons that enchanted me last night are just the beginning…

What is your favourite lesson from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast?

Amanda Marie