18. Write a list of what makes you feel most connected.

What truly makes you feel the happiest?

When you are in a big group of people laughing?

When you are having coffee with one great friend who you feel deeply connected with?

When you are helping or serving others?

Shopping?

Drawing?

Write a list of the things that truly fuel you and make you come alive relationally.

Now on the same piece of paper, write a list of the things that make you feel the most alone… a list of things that really drain you.

Your challenge is to do something from the list that makes you feel most connected this week.

Little changes that will make a big difference.

17. Burn the list.

What are the traits or characteristics you have looked for in a partner?

I think there was a teaching that went around a few years ago that told us to write a list and pray, hope, beg that person into being. I have realised in my own experience that this is really unhelpful.

I am challenging you to burn the list.

Not literally (although maybe you have it written down somewhere), but find a way to explore the possibility of a person being perfect for you who may never tick all the bullet points on your list.

Then write one word.

Just one word that is not negotiable.

Mine was kind.

What is yours?

16. Buy a packet of crayons and colour in.

I have found that some of the most lucid moments in my life are those when I am doing something from my childhood.

Colouring in, fishing on the beach, building a cubby, playing with play dough, sitting in the sand at the beach and building sand castles.

There is something so grounding when we remind ourselves of the simplicity of childhood emotions. When we are excited in summer to taste that first lick of an ice-cream, the first breath taken as we swing on a playground, moments of exhilaration when we jump puddles.

Today I am encouraging you to do something you haven’t done in a long time and see what thoughts arise.

Maybe you just need to break a crayon and colour in any way.

15. Start a journal for your future husband.

One of the greatest ways that I processed the despair of my waiting was continually finding ways to keep my heart hopeful.

It sounds a little random, but during the times I felt most despondent, the days that I thought I would never get married, the days I thought I would never have children or a family, I wrote.

I wrote in a book.

Some journal pages have been since ripped out, because honestly no-one needed to read them, but most of them I found myself writing to my future husband and reminding myself of all the things I believed that one day would come true.

On our wedding day, I woke up to a tree. A beautiful sterling silver tree, covered in little cards and notes from my husband to me on our wedding day. Precious little encouragements to remind me how much he adored me and I gave him a leather parcel containing a gathering of letters and journal entries, musings on days when I believed he was far from reality, prayers about him wherever he was, moments waiting to meet him and continue on our lives together.

Some people might think this is a little desperate and I’m sure some of you are thinking, “what if I never get married?”

I believe that if it is a desire of your heart, I believe if it is a dream, I believe if it is a deep longing, that it will indeed be fulfilled.

I will believe that for you, even on the days that you cannot believe it for yourself.

I believe that God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts.

Writing and speaking out those longings is a great part of building your faith and belief too.

14. Go to the movies by yourself.

For most of you, I bet this is not a big deal, but for me, I hated going to the movies alone. There was something about sitting in a big old cinema, feeling lonely surrounded by other couples, and groups of friends and family chatting that made me feel even more alone.

The summer when I faced this fear and I have just swum in the river upstream, against the tide of people and popcorn, I felt like I had overcome the world.

Going to the movies by yourself might not be a biggie, but what is?

Buying a house by yourself?

Shifting out from your family’s home?

Travelling to Europe?

What is the sacred cow, that you will not sacrifice until you are tied?

Maybe it is time to do that very thing you fear. There are many things we can do without needing someone by our side.

Be brave, dear friend.