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New season = new routine

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We are full swing in newborn land;

Two hourly feeds, two year old tantrums, washing that’s four people deep, two car seats, nappies piling out of our bins… the shack is in shock and wants its peaceful zen back.

Juggling coping strategies is my new normal. My Mr has gone back to work this week and I’m finding ways to keep my plates spinning.

One of the best strategies I implemented last week was a routine that is not dependent on my husband to function. (He works shift work and I found myself feeling destabilised every time his work roster changed)

I made a weekly planner on the fridge which includes exercise for mum, outings for Mr Maximus and meal plans for team V.

I arranged two friends to come on Monday morning and Wednesday morning respectively, to walk the beach together and get the family out of the house.

I arranged my Mum to meet us at the local pool on Tuesday to swim with Max, so I could focus on Libby.

Every day I have had a plan, that involved people and it has kept me sane.

The funny thing is, I HATE ROUTINE. I hate being told what to do, I hate meal planners, I hate same, same. I long for spontaneous moments of sheer brilliance.

We all need routine.

We all need spontaneous brilliance.

We all need a plan.

People ask me how I manage to write, speak regularly, run two blogs, mentor people with two little people and a husband to love?

The truth is sometimes I don’t!

Other times, I sacrifice to just get it done.

Sometimes I just do it when I don’t feel like it.

And then somedays I fall in a heap and am unable to do anything but just get by.

Although you read all the high points here on this blog and social media, routine is imperative for me to do anything productive.

I order my groceries online.

I have my bills on regular payments.

I delete my emails as soon as they have been read and keep my inbox as low as possible.

I unsubscribe from spam mail all the time.

Our freezer is full of meals prepared in advance.

We have a tiny apartment so I hardly spend any time cleaning.

We live simply with an apartment with no garden, so no mowing the lawns for us on weekends.

I regularly throw away any clutter to the op shop which keeps our house and life simple.

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I am able to keep pushing forward into new and fresh opportunities because I often reflect on the season that I am in and I alter my routine accordingly.

For example I am really determined to finish the book I am currently working on, so for the month of October I am not going to watch any TV.

Sacrifice
Routine
Relying on the village
Rest
Simplicity
Decluttering

These are all some of the strategies I employ to keep moving forward and keep our family moving.

I am fully aware of my new season and am determined to implement a new routine that matches that season.

Working out what I can do and what I can’t.

How about you?

Does your routine match your season?

Do you need a new normal?

speak soon

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don’t be a jerk

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One of the hardest parts about being a mum of a newborn is all the opinions.

I suppose I ask for it, writing so openly and honestly here…

but seriously don’t be a jerk.

A jerk in my books is a person who offers all their opinions and their sure fire fixes to every problem in a persons life without them asking for it.

You know the cliches;

They start when you are pregnant.

You can’t do that…

You can’t do this…

Don’t forget to…

Have you read this…

The tirade of opinions and cliche remarks that are given to pregnant and novice mums is overwhelming.

Whether it be the quick way to loose that baby weight, whether it be the study that proves that baby carriers are unsafe and the list goes on and on.

I have been a jerk at times.

Those days when I give people my opinions about circumstances when they have not been asked for.

Those days that I give my friends advice when they just needed to be listened too.

Those days when I tell unsuspecting strangers how to get their child to sleep, when I know nothing about them, their style of parenting or even their house configuration.

We have all been there. A unsuspecting friend is about to get all oprah’d by our thoughts and opinions when all they need is a little love and encouragement.

So here are my Novice Mum thoughts on…

How to not be a jerk.

  • Don’t give your opinions unless they are asked for.
  • Celebrate the uniqueness and difference in all of our parenting/ lifestyle choices.
  • Don’t judge, you have no idea what is going on underneath that outward expression.
  • Listen.
  • Be kind.

This week I read a post from a new blog that my friend has started called 30 something and single. 10 things single people don’t want to hear.

Her post shows another season in people’s lives that bring out the inner jerk in us all.

Don’t be that person who says one of these cliches to single friends, often to make yourself feel more comfortable in an awkward moment of conversation when sometimes there are just no answers.

as we are

Anais Nin says it perfectly

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.

Sometimes our perspective is helpful, it is insightful, it is kind and it is very wanted.

Other times though, in fact in my life most times, unless I specifically ask someone for advice, mentoring or their wisdom, the opinions can actually be hurtful.

I was having a conversation with a new mum the other day who felt so overwhelmed at all the different advice she had been given about breast feeding and she was so confused. I said to her, ‘What does your instinct say? What does your gut say? What do you think?’

Most often I find people know the answers to their questions, they just need time to discover it by processing it through with someone.

I am committing to lessen the cliche quick answers, to increase my listening and point people inward to their inner voice and the answers found inside.

Don’t be that jerk.

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of the parental kind.

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of the parental kind
A little poem that was floating around in my head at 4am this morning when I was feeding my little lady.

Dedicated to my body builder, our unreal experiences, those things no-one told us…

of the parental kind.

They lied but I still like it…

Early mornings,

Broken sleep,

Unmet expectations,

of the parental kind.

Blueberry purple stains,

Racing cars under feet,

Tantrums and melt downs,

of the parental kind.

Chocolate on elephants heads,

Shoes on the wrong feet,

Toilet train bribes,

of the parental kind.

Pancakes with lemon butter,

Animals at our local fair,

Train blurred moments,

of the parental kind.

Toys in our bed linen,

Bubbles in their bath,

Reading books by torchlight,

of the parental kind.

Lego built mansions,

Rolling down sand dunes,

Overwhelmed by little moments,

of the parental kind.

Loud lullabies at midnight,

Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets,

Abney and Teal giggles,

of the parental kind.

Whispers saying I luff you,

Best friend promises by boys,

Golden hazed memories,

of the parental kind.

Not what we expected,

Many noises and patience required,

but overwhelmedly sublime privileges,

of the parental kind.

Dedicated to my Charl on this Fathers Day.

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Books that changed Elaine Fraser

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Meet my dear friend Elaine Fraser from Beautiful Books

Recently my friend Em from Teacupstoo, did a series in August called books that changed me so we decided we would start an online book club of sorts for this summer, asking friends to write their list of books that really impacted them.

Anything that encourages us all to lay down our technology and pick up paper is a brilliant pursuit in my opinion.

Elaine’s List of Favourite Books of all time.

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1) L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables:

The Anne books gave me so much pleasure and helped me learn that even if you are a person who seems to get in trouble a lot, you can turn out to be a more understanding person as you get older. Visiting Prince Edward Island and walking along the paths Montgomery did, was one of the highlights of my life. I must admit, a few tears were shed.

2) Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper:

I love Picoult’s writing and have heard her speak a couple of times. I love the way she presents various pints of view about a moral dilemma and wraps it up in an absorbing story.

3) Christy, by Catherine Marshall:

A beautiful story. As a teacher in a difficult, remote school I could relate to the story. Also, the idea of God giving us a ‘bundle’ in the form of a person to look after has stayed with me for a very long time.

4) Little Women, Louisa May Alcott:

Old-fashioned values and character never go out of style. I have read and re-read this book over my lifetime. Jo is one of those heroines I tried to be when I grew up!

5) Tim Winton, Cloudstreet:

I love Winton’s use of language and the way he creates a sense of place, time and soul. I saw the stage adaption and fell in love with it even more.

6) Hamlet and Macbeth, William Shakespeare:

I love a good tragedy. Both of these were on my high school reading list, and I subsequently taught them. So much wisdom and amazing language use.

7) Harper Lee To Kill A Mockingbird:

My favourite book of all. I read it when I was sixteen and Atticus Finch became the sort of man I admired for his sort of justice and gentle ways. I also love the movie.

8) Markus Zusak, The Book Thief:

This book, by an Australian, is not only a wonderful story, it inspires me to be a better writer. Zusak’s ability to be profound and create beautiful images astounds me.

9) Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre:

As a brooding teenager, I visited Haworth and walked the Yorkshire moors. I loved the darkness of Jane Eyre and the complicated interplay of the characters. I’ve read this book many times and am drawn back into the brooding.

10) Animal Farm, George Orwell:

I also read this book as a teenager and was impacted by the history and political background to the text. I was studying Russian history at the time and it all seemed to work together. This book was part of my political education and an insight into the workings of power.

11) John Steinbeck, The Grapes Of Wrath:

I visited Monterey County and the Cannery Row a couple of years ago and loved seeing the landscape that inspired Steinbeck. This book was also part of my political education. I studied the Depression in History and this book rounded out my perspective of it.

12) Brave New World, Aldous Huxley:

For some reason I loved dystopian fiction as a teenager—similar the teens who love The Hunger Games today. I didn’t understand it fully until I was an adult. I must have been pretty innocent! However, the book stayed with me and, along with 1984, contributed to my suspicion of government control!

13) Lord of the Flies, William Golding:

As a young Christian this impacted me as it showed me the power of unleashed sin. What happens when we don’t have any boundaries? When we are allowed to run free? I found it scary and it served as a warning to me.

14) Sons and Lovers, D.H. Lawrence:

My Dad’s family comes from Northern England mining background. This book gave me an insight into that life. When I finally got to visit the places my family came from, I already had a picture in my mind of the life my dad and his forbears lived. It also explained a lot of family politics and the relationship between my dad and his mother.

15) Tess of the d’Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy:

Another brooding book, but this one annoyed me. I felt Tess was stupid and allowed love to ruin her life—not always the accepted interpretation—but I really got angry with her. This book inspired me to be tough when it came to boys in my life. I was determined not to let a boy ruin my life. It’s funny how things influence you isn’t it?

Why don’t you tag a friend with this post on facebook and ask them to write their list of all time favourite books. If you would like your list featured here on this blog, email your list and a photo of yourself to amanda@amandaviviers.com

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I feel safe now…

train tales

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train tales 3Last tuesday, a week ago today, we went on an adventure.

My son Maximus is toilet training and one of his rewards is a train ride, when he wins in the toilet department.

Often he will run in and out of his room and tell us confidently ‘Next station stop…Canning bridge, next station stop…Kwinnnnaaannna’.

A regular tuesday, a typical day in the life of a toddler, a mumma, a body builder and a newborn.

A new playground, a much needed coffee, I wasn’t expecting a very simple story to enter my normal.

As we got off the train at Leederville station, I noticed a young woman standing tentatively at the bottom of the ramp.

I stood behind her waiting for her to start her journey upwards.

She looked at me and simply said ‘I am afraid of heights.’

I said to her, ‘That’s okay, do you want to hold my hand and we can walk the bridge together?’

You see this particular ramp off the train station at Leederville, connects to a bridge that takes you across a four lane highway.

My truck, train, bus, ambulance, helicopter, plane, car, anything that moves toddler thinks this bridge is absolutely brilliant, but for the fearful of heights I can see this would be a Mount Everest of trekking proportion.

So there I was, midday walking across a bridge holding hands with a stranger.

As we got closer to the end of the short journey, she turned to me and said simply ‘I feel safe now.’

I let go of her hand and she walked off to find her friends.

This young woman had downs syndrome and her tenacity at facing her fears and acknowledging her needs to a stranger was a profound lesson in trust to this novice mum.

I was thinking about this simple story a few days later and I likened it to my relationship with God and how much easier it could be if I just trusted him.

Stating what my fear was, walking across the distance holding his hand and then walking away knowing that I felt safe again.

This week I have been thinking about Psalm 136 and how His love endures forever. Across the chasms and the fears that engulf our days.

Psalm 136: 10-13

‘He rescued Israel from their oppressors = his love never quits.

Took Israel in hand with his powerful hand = his love never quits.

Split the red sea right in half = his love never quits.

Led Israel right down the middle = his love never quits.’

No matter what we are going through, no matter the fears we face, no matter the largeness of the journey we must endure, His love will never fail us.

He delights in us,

He fights for us,

He remembers us,

He cares for us.

His love never quits.

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