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my candle

A candle loses nothing from lighting another

Just last week as I wandered slowly through Aldi, trying to get my head around its new offerings, I found a mango candle. This orange, square promise of calm and deep breaths called out my name as it jumped off the shelves into my little shopping cart.

As I placed this $3.99 luxury into my overfull trolley, I found these negative thoughts rising…

“You don’t need another candle”

“It is a waste of money”

“Remember you are saving for your upcoming trip, that you purchased when you really couldn’t afford it.”

“Fathers Day, Birthdays, Christmas they are all looming”.

I listened to the counsel and I put it back on the shelf. I walked on, then as I turned the aisle, I went back, grabbed that candle and placed it carefully back into my shopping pile.

As a Mum, I spend most of my days saving and sacrificing for those around me and sometimes even just the thought of something to call my own is all most too much to bear. That little moment in Aldi wasn’t about the candle. The candle signified something much bigger, it told me about the state of my thought life and how I needed to take back the time to look after myself in the midst of all my flurry for others.

One of the greatest challenges I have encountered in this season is finding ways, simple easy opportunities to look after myself, as much as I do everyone else.

As I look after myself and care for the deep needs of my own person, I am so much more equipped in times when I am challenged to think sacrificially about others. I am able to light other people’s candles when my own flame is flickering.

How easy though is it to say no to the candle?

How easy is it to allow the negative thoughts, the less generous ones to take control rather than the life-giving ones?

All week, I have been lighting my mango candle and every time I walk past it, I am reminded of the simple power of taking the time to breathe and flicker slowly.

I absolutely believe that when we share our light with other candles (Mums, Family members, partners, neighbors and more) that we don’t lose. The problem is it is difficult to light another candle when we don’t even take the time to put it in our trolley.

When we sacrifice so much for others, we need to find space and time to refresh and recover the very essence of our basic needs.

When was the last time you smiled?

When was the last time you breathed so deeply, that it replenished your soul?

When was the last time you bought something, even small like a $3.99 candle to remind you of your beauty?

My dear internet friends, taking the time to create space and look after ourselves, is not selfish, it is not lazy, it is central to our very being.

We cannot give from a place, that has not been nourished in our own lives. We cannot live broadly if we have not taken the time to live deeply. We cannot step into places and share the wisdom that has not been fostered in our own quiet places.

Buy the damn candle.

Light it today.

And breath a little deeper.


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this is change


change 2

When we make a change, it’s so easy to interpret our unsettled ways as unhappiness, and our unhappiness as the result of having made the wrong decision. Our mental and emotional states fluctuate madly when we make big changes in our lives, and some days we could tight-rope across Manhattan, and other days we are too weary to clean our teeth. This is normal. This is natural. This is change.

Jeanette Winterson.

Change is never easy.

It is confusing, it is overwhelming, it is step by step, painstakingly laborious.

Change affects every part of our hearts and lives.

The last two and a half years has been every bit of this for me.

Letting go, finding ways to regather my sense of self and moving forward.

How are you going with change, early this Sunday morning?

I love this wisdom from Jeanette Winterson. Our emotional state through seasons of change fluctuates and it is okay.

It is okay.

Someone asked me yesterday how I was going with novice motherhood.

I replied ‘One moment I feel like I could take on the world, next moment I want to escape to an island in the Pacific and hide.’

All of these emotions can be felt in just one day.

One hour, I feel completely capable and then the next I don’t even know what I’m doing.

This morning however, as the sun rose in through my window pane, I felt a small whisper from a voice I have grown to love saying this…

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I took a photo of these flowers I was given last night, I captured a little moment in my morning and just breathed.

Aware, that even if today goes pear-shaped;

Even in the midst of the massive change that has happened in my world with two little people relying on me,

Even if I am now on the receiving end of months of sleep deprivation, in the morning a fresh and blank page appears and the day begins again.

It is well with my soul and opportunity awakes for even the simplest of endeavour.

Mine today is to be a kind human.

What is yours?



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Cheese and Bacon Shapes


I just walked in on my two year old Maximus feeding my three month old Liberty a cheese and bacon shape biscuit. I had left them for less than a minute whilst I went into the bathroom.




I’ve been planning for a few months now what her first taste of food would be; thinking about blending up some natural goodness, Avocado maybe or some apple stewed lovingly by a perfect mother.

Lovely thoughts.

Great Expectations.

Epic Bacon and Cheese Biscuit fail.

Honestly one minute I am completely loving having two children in my little abode and the next minute I want to run to a little island in the pacific and become a nomad.

Life never works out the way we predict it will.

No matter the imperfection, I am finding so much beauty in the ashes.

The ashes left after burning my pursuit of impressing you and finding reality enchanting.

Sometimes newborns taste bacon additives as their first meal and it is okay.

Life often unravels at the seams, we walk in and find our toilet training two year old shaking a poo out of his orange shorts and you just have to laugh.

Life is far from perfect and I actually love it.

Here’s a toast of green tea to writing in this little corner of the internet more often.


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New season = new routine


We are full swing in newborn land;

Two hourly feeds, two year old tantrums, washing that’s four people deep, two car seats, nappies piling out of our bins… the shack is in shock and wants its peaceful zen back.

Juggling coping strategies is my new normal. My Mr has gone back to work this week and I’m finding ways to keep my plates spinning.

One of the best strategies I implemented last week was a routine that is not dependent on my husband to function. (He works shift work and I found myself feeling destabilised every time his work roster changed)

I made a weekly planner on the fridge which includes exercise for mum, outings for Mr Maximus and meal plans for team V.

I arranged two friends to come on Monday morning and Wednesday morning respectively, to walk the beach together and get the family out of the house.

I arranged my Mum to meet us at the local pool on Tuesday to swim with Max, so I could focus on Libby.

Every day I have had a plan, that involved people and it has kept me sane.

The funny thing is, I HATE ROUTINE. I hate being told what to do, I hate meal planners, I hate same, same. I long for spontaneous moments of sheer brilliance.

We all need routine.

We all need spontaneous brilliance.

We all need a plan.

People ask me how I manage to write, speak regularly, run two blogs, mentor people with two little people and a husband to love?

The truth is sometimes I don’t!

Other times, I sacrifice to just get it done.

Sometimes I just do it when I don’t feel like it.

And then somedays I fall in a heap and am unable to do anything but just get by.

Although you read all the high points here on this blog and social media, routine is imperative for me to do anything productive.

I order my groceries online.

I have my bills on regular payments.

I delete my emails as soon as they have been read and keep my inbox as low as possible.

I unsubscribe from spam mail all the time.

Our freezer is full of meals prepared in advance.

We have a tiny apartment so I hardly spend any time cleaning.

We live simply with an apartment with no garden, so no mowing the lawns for us on weekends.

I regularly throw away any clutter to the op shop which keeps our house and life simple.


I am able to keep pushing forward into new and fresh opportunities because I often reflect on the season that I am in and I alter my routine accordingly.

For example I am really determined to finish the book I am currently working on, so for the month of October I am not going to watch any TV.

Relying on the village

These are all some of the strategies I employ to keep moving forward and keep our family moving.

I am fully aware of my new season and am determined to implement a new routine that matches that season.

Working out what I can do and what I can’t.

How about you?

Does your routine match your season?

Do you need a new normal?

speak soon



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don’t be a jerk



One of the hardest parts about being a mum of a newborn is all the opinions.

I suppose I ask for it, writing so openly and honestly here…

but seriously don’t be a jerk.

A jerk in my books is a person who offers all their opinions and their sure fire fixes to every problem in a persons life without them asking for it.

You know the cliches;

They start when you are pregnant.

You can’t do that…

You can’t do this…

Don’t forget to…

Have you read this…

The tirade of opinions and cliche remarks that are given to pregnant and novice mums is overwhelming.

Whether it be the quick way to loose that baby weight, whether it be the study that proves that baby carriers are unsafe and the list goes on and on.

I have been a jerk at times.

Those days when I give people my opinions about circumstances when they have not been asked for.

Those days that I give my friends advice when they just needed to be listened too.

Those days when I tell unsuspecting strangers how to get their child to sleep, when I know nothing about them, their style of parenting or even their house configuration.

We have all been there. A unsuspecting friend is about to get all oprah’d by our thoughts and opinions when all they need is a little love and encouragement.

So here are my Novice Mum thoughts on…

How to not be a jerk.

  • Don’t give your opinions unless they are asked for.
  • Celebrate the uniqueness and difference in all of our parenting/ lifestyle choices.
  • Don’t judge, you have no idea what is going on underneath that outward expression.
  • Listen.
  • Be kind.

This week I read a post from a new blog that my friend has started called 30 something and single. 10 things single people don’t want to hear.

Her post shows another season in people’s lives that bring out the inner jerk in us all.

Don’t be that person who says one of these cliches to single friends, often to make yourself feel more comfortable in an awkward moment of conversation when sometimes there are just no answers.

as we are

Anais Nin says it perfectly

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.

Sometimes our perspective is helpful, it is insightful, it is kind and it is very wanted.

Other times though, in fact in my life most times, unless I specifically ask someone for advice, mentoring or their wisdom, the opinions can actually be hurtful.

I was having a conversation with a new mum the other day who felt so overwhelmed at all the different advice she had been given about breast feeding and she was so confused. I said to her, ‘What does your instinct say? What does your gut say? What do you think?’

Most often I find people know the answers to their questions, they just need time to discover it by processing it through with someone.

I am committing to lessen the cliche quick answers, to increase my listening and point people inward to their inner voice and the answers found inside.

Don’t be that jerk.