In my kitchen, we built a planter box, to try and convince my eyes away from the ugly fence that stares at me, multiple times a day washing dishes in my little beach shack.
In the last two days, flowers have unveiled gloriously in that little piece of windowsill green. My inspiration garden brings the outdoors, indoors as the water and bubbles fill my sink over and over.
I remember the days, when cooking and washing up was the most delightful of tasks, because it meant I was home. A rarity in the life of corporate hustler. I would open a cookbook, breathe deep and cook all day, so excited to be in my casual clothes and leaning into my home day.
Today, I struggle to find the inspiration for dinner, I roll my eyes at another sink full of dishes and I dream of days escaping my home, when I can leave the house without any cares or responsibility.
These thoughts shame me though, because I see photos of young children washed up on shores, I hear stories of people desperately wanting that pink line to appear, I know that the lot I have been served in life is indeed on the blessed side of my ugly fence.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
Enjoy one moment at a time…
How do I enjoy my moments, when they are filled with so many dreams and desires and the weight of my own expectations overwhelm?
Plans falling over,
Opportunities not taken,
Every time I think about more than my moments in my day, my serenity fades and I start to feel stuck in my apartment for the rest of my days.
Every time I think about the little moments, the laugh in his smile, the glint when she see’s, the new awakening of a season, an unexpected sleep in; it is in these precious moments that I regain my strength.
You see the way I used to live, I was always planning, I was always hustling, I was always being drawn into greater days, with even greater expectations. I am learning in my today, to find the white flowers that are opening, noticing what is right within my reach, rather than weighted expectations for tomorrow?
Do I believe we should stop dreaming?
No, but as a great friend said to me the other day “Amanda, what is so wrong with God surprising us in our future, rather than spending our days desperately trying to control the outcomes and the details”
Finding strength for my today, is revelling in the messy moments, picking up my knitting and letting things go that just don’t belong anymore. It is having conversations that matter, but keeping my relational accounts short.
It is kissing my husband passionately when he steps in the door, rather than telling him the list of unmet expectations and the struggles that overwhelm my soul.
It is playing a little as I wash those dishes, being grateful for the moments that are present and the duty that is my privilege.
The true story is that I have prayed desperately for the moments I have been graced with, yet when they arrive I can be so desperate to reach into the new, that I lose sight of the beauty in the realisation of my dreams.
Our strength for today is found in the messy moments, when we release and let go. When we smile and forgive, when we attend to the little details that often are forgotten. When we look heavenward with gratitude, when we take a deep breath and feel the sheer brilliance of the sun on our backs. When we walk a little slower, pick up one more toy smiling at their innovation and we live our lives breathing in moments that we might have just missed.
So for today, even though I’d love to fly away and search out hidden wonders on distant shores, as I dream of building orphanages and publishing books, I will surrender my will to this beautiful season and keep smiling as I watch the white flowers on my kitchen window sill bloom.
I will embrace my little inspiration moments in my today, knowing that suddenly it will be tomorrow and my season will have once again moved onward again.
What moments are you missing in your today, because you are desperate for your tomorrow?
One moment at a time.