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Dealing with your disapointments

Pineapples, the grounds.
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Sydney, NSW

Every transition carries with it disappointment.

We are funny human cargos, carrying around with us, the weights and measures of our days. Moments filled with expectations that remain palpable in our today.

Expectations unmet.

People’s word unfulfilled.

Our perspective clashing with someone else’s.

Change is seriously hard work.

Have you ever come out of a season, carrying expectations of what you thought should have been done and the reality of what actually happened?

The funny thing about change is, everyone battles with the readjustment and everyone gets it a little screwed sometimes. Disappointment is a daily part of living an aligned and purposed life. People say things that they don’t follow through on, expectations remain unmet, we live thin lives that mean we often are disappointing someone.

The best thing we can do with disappointment is face it, be honest with it and move quickly on.

Recently I read a ebook from a new online friend Tracy Lilley called ‘The pineapple project‘. A paragraph she wrote really impacted me;

The true heartbreak is our complicity. Allow the fact that we could be an active participant in this delusional state to be unsettling. Because when we consistently fail to action what we know must be a priority, it is as if we have broken a promise to ourselves. If we continue to neglect what is really important to us, we start to lose faith in our ability to live aligned with our values and eternal purpose.

We are complicit in perpetuating the cycle of difficulty in our in-between seasons, by holding onto emotions that hold us captive to our past, rather than propelling us brilliantly into our future.

Do you want to live a life aligned with your values and eternal purpose?

The best thing you can do is sort through the emotions, the offences, the difficulties, anything that is holding you weighted in a place of complexity. This is the best thing we can do in the in-between.

Finding resources like Tracy’s amazing work, to realign what you are living for and why, is a brilliant use of our time in these seasons of transition.

Are you worn out?

Are you disappointed?

I know what that feels like and I see you, however I believe that you can step forward into a new and beautiful rhythm that carries you into wider fields.

Disappointment holds us captive.

Set it free my friend.

Write it down.

Talk to someone who will listen.

Dream about the future.

Reframe what’s happened trying to see it from someone else’s perspective.

Lower your expectations of people.

May peace reign in our hearts during these seasons of movement.

May we truly trust in the One who sees every humble moment of letting go and trusting His divine ways.

May we be a people of forgiveness, who hold hearts and lives with precious abandonment to a Creator who knows, sees and cares.

He carries us.

He loves us.

He designs a way to bring all things together for good.

Even those heavy days, when we are hurting.

He sees.

I am absolutely sure of it.

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the space between where you are and where you want to be

Sydney, creativity, goals
Sydney, creativity, goals
Sydney, Flowers.

Do you feel like you were made for something more?

Have you let go of an old season but are unable to find the words to explain your new one?

Do you have an idea, that will take a whole heap of courage to actually see it realise?

Are you stuck, but the only thing holding you from moving forward is fear of the unknown?

The thing you are most afraid of is called the Liminal Space.

The Liminal Space, is an artistic word to describe the space when you are on the threshold of something new and wonderful, but you are just not there yet.

Another way to put it, in my words “The in-between”.

We spend more days, in seasons of transition, than we actually do in seasons of success, so how come we feel so ashamed of describing our days this way?

If we told a friend, I am just about to do something cool, I just don’t know what it is yet, they would probably look at you a little funny and say “Okay, then.”

I love this idea of threshold.

the magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a certain reaction, phenomenon, result, or condition to occur or be manifested.

My definition is this…’we are destined for purpose, but are waiting in a position of hope for its discovery.’

The funny thing I am discovering about the Liminal Space (the moments right at the threshold of new) is we can so easily lose the potency of these precious moments, by filling our time with just anything, rather than the right things.

When my son Maximus had just turned one, I had a series of brilliant job offers. It was honestly the hardest decision in this season to say no, to these opportunities. I knew without a doubt that I needed to succumb to the in-between. I was on a journey of discovery and filling my time with anything, just so I could escape the Liminal Space, would have stopped the growth and potential in my in-between.

When we let go of an old season with finality and grace, it propels us into a new space of maturity.

When we hold onto anger, disappointment, lack of forgiveness and strife, it holds us captive in a holding pattern in the liminal and we will do anything to grab onto something that will drag us out of that funk.

I believe the space between the known and the unknown, teaches us more than any opportunity does.

One of my favourite writers Richard Rohr says this of the Liminal Space;

a unique spiritual position where human beings hate to be but where the biblical God is always leading them. It is when you have left the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are finally out of the way. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run…anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing.

Are you willing to say no to some things, so you can say yes to great things, in the space of unknowing?

Are you happy to walk slowly in an open space of transition, rather than filling your days with something, just so you feel safe?

This is the walk of the in-between.

To keep hoping,

To keep discovering,

To keep dreaming,

but not to fill your days with something or someone, just so you can escape the terrible feeling of not knowing.

I have found, we need to take small steps, breathe deep breaths, read great words, think brilliant thoughts and reconnect with our true purpose in these seasons of change.

Beauty is awaiting discovery in the in-between.

Take a step.

Move with grace.

Don’t just fill your days with anything though, dig deep and move forward with purpose.

Let peace lead you home.

It has always been my best navigating friend.

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finding who we are in the in-between

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Sydney, Australia

Waiting, wishing, thinking, hoping.

There is something so uncomfortable about the in-between.

A pause, an awkwardness or just an expectancy that taunts us.

No matter how wise and seasoned we are in the wait, the space between realisation and confirmation is a heavy one.

Have you walked a season of waiting well?

What season are you in at the moment?

Is there a pause, that is holding you breathless?

Are you confused?

Are you stuck?

Are you frustrated?

I understand the difficulty of this place of unknowing. The teeth that grit, the heart that holds its breath, the mind rolls the same scenario, over and over.

On the weekend, I spoke at a conference, full of creative brilliance and each hour that passed my nerves pulsed. I was asked back in February to speak at this event and pretty much within the week I knew that I wanted to speak on “the in-between”. I live quite an isolated creative walk however, so coming into the weekend, I was questioning whether I was truly on the right page of what was needed. I took the opportunity seriously and wanted so much to bring my best.

Then Saturday afternoon arrived with a last minute change to the program and a young man jumped on the stage to play a song soon to be released on his EP. He started to play the piano and introduced his song saying “my song is called the in-between“. In all the waiting, in all the hoping, I suddenly knew in a second that I was right where I was meant to be. With a massive smile on my face, only the pianist and I knew that this was a complete fluke and we had been truly set up by the Divine Interrupter.

He knows more than we know.

He cares more than we could ever feel.

He loves, so deeply that his detail can be seen in the most bizarre of moments.

As you step into places this month with me, asking questions of yourself about the waiting space, I pray that you would be amazed by details and stories, showing you are walking in step, seeking answers from the One who sees.

I am determined to keep sharing vulnerably, with authenticity this month as I explore the topic of waiting. I love what Brene Brown says about living our lives this way;

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

As we share our stories and struggles this month, I am believing that shame will disappear and truth, encouragement and hope will be found in its midst.

If you are in an in-between space, you are very welcome here. I cannot wait to hear more of your story.

Thanks for starting this new journey with me as we all read together stories of waiting, hope, disappointment, confusion, expectancy and loss.

August may just be my favourite month of all.

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She trusts in something beyond herself

Andrew Fraser
Andrew Fraser
TIMBER CAFE, Harrisdale

If you asked me “What is the greatest lesson I am learning in this season”, I would answer with one word only.

Trust.

It is quite simple to be trusted by people, you show up, be loyal, say what you mean and mean what you say. Integrity, Honesty, Authenticity; these are all traits that build trust in others.

Trusting something that you cannot see, touch or feel though, that is next level.

Wisdom says this though;

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take.”

My immediate answer is how? what? who? and then I will slip another how? in there for good measure.

If you scaled me on the control freak scale, I could easily swing to the “I want to concrete plans down and drive slowly towards them” side. Lately however I have been seeking to walk more lightly and simply and my greatest lesson has been one of trust.

Wisdom is saying that sometimes we just don’t understand but we need to trust and seek.

How do you go in the trust stakes?

Do you always seek understanding rather than depending on another?

Are you so interested in control and safety that you don’t step out into the new, the scary or the sublime?

We often can be the greatest gate keepers to the realisation of our own futures. We stay captive in our own safe little worlds, like an elephant tied to a rope, that is fastened to nothing more than a wooden stake, because we have never known true freedom.

The greatest walk of freedom I have found personally, is the walk of trust into new and broader horizons.

I shake, I wobble but I step into places that only trust can lead me.

Are you questioning your purpose?

Are you stuck and needing to find release?

Do you struggle to even imagine what freedom could look like?

Then trusting something beyond yourself is the answer my friend.

It does not make sense, just as this scripture so aptly describes, but there is something so right in your soul when you contemplate it.

I am learning to stop thinking and to start leaping.

I am finding the more I loosen control, the more safe I am beginning to feel.

I am wanting to live a life that leaves a legacy for those following me and the best legacy I can leave is one of freedom and hope.

Proverbs over the last month have become our wisdom manual for living and I hope you have enjoyed the journey as much as I have personally writing them. However if a woman of wisdom only has knowlege and understanding but no trust, we will not live out the lessons that will lead us to new and brilliant places.

The very beginning of the book of Proverbs says this…

These are the wise sayings of Solomon, David’s son, Israel’s king—

Written down so we’ll know how to live well and right, to understand what life means and where it’s going;

A manual for living, for learning what’s right and just and fair;

To teach the inexperienced the ropes and give our young people a grasp on reality.

There’s something here also for seasoned men and women, still a thing or two for the experienced to learn—

Fresh wisdom to probe and penetrate, the rhymes and reasons of wise men and women.

Wisdom sneaks up and surprises us in all shapes and forms.

It is awaiting discovery,

It is calling us on its adventure,

It beckons us to live for more than ourselves.

Unless we trust in something beyond ourselves though, we can have all the insight and knowlege in the world but we will not find the missing key.

The part of us that was designed to take part in a divine, mesmerising story.

A story of hope.

A story of forgiveness.

A story about others.

A story of redemption.

A story so large that it encompasses us all.

A story that releases us into the reason why we are walking this planet.

A story, designed specifically for you to take part in.

We were created with purpose.

Wisdom plus trust plus hope thrusts us smack bang into the place where we were designed to thrive.

It is not an easy walk,

It is not a comfortable one,

but it is a life worth living.

One graced and etched in legacy.

Thanks for being a part of this journey, it has deeply moved me. How about you?

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she hopes even when she has not much left.

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Hope is a haunting word. It is defined as a longing or desire for something specific to happen.

The thing about hope, is we cannot hang our hat on the outcome. To all of those who are not walking its tightrope they may think it is utterly silly to desire something to happen, that is not very likely.

Then those who are hoping stay strong.

A woman of wisdom lives a life of hope.

She believes in something beyond herself.

She longs for a miracle, a change, new eyes and a perspective shift that is monumental.

She keeps on hoping, long after everyone else has given up.

Proverbs 23:18 says it so beautifully;

“You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.”

Proverbs 24:14 encourages us to find wisdom and then our hope will not be cut off.

“Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”

C. S Lewis writes the most profound words about hope…

“Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.”

There is something deep within us that longs.

We long for something more,

We long for things to change,

We are haunted by hope.

We struggle and wrestle, shuffle and stumble, hoping that something will give us a break.

When we have not much left, wisdom hopes for more, even when it doesn’t make sense.

What if that hope was to reach out for help from something beyond ourselves?

What if that sickness and disconnectedness we feel is because we are prolonging connection to the one that created desires in the first place?

Proverbs 13:12 says it this way…

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

What if the hope realised is reconnecting to the source of life?

Many times I have spoken on this verse, but I have always thought about it in terms of what I am wanting to get from God.

Rather than the essential hope we all need is reconnection and relationship with a source that is far beyond anything we could ever dream of.

Connection with Jesus changes everything.

Wisdom is fully realised and released when we are aligned with the greatest source of inspiration.

If your heart is heavy, if hope has made it sick, I have found in my life the greatest risk and the greatest reward has been the vulnerability that I share when I rely in something beyond myself.

The greatest hope our hearts can ever desire is a reconnection to the reason why we are here on this earth.

To be loved and to love in return.

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