womanhood – Page 2 – Amanda Viviers

Posted on July 12, 2015July 16, 2015 by Amanda Viviers — 8 Comments

she knows the power of her words

tracey, beach, fun. — My friend Tracey on the beach, on Friday.

Today is day eleven since we have had hot water in our little beach shack. After replacing our whole hot water system, the plumber has worked out that we are not getting enough power off the grid and the power pole has blown a fuse. Enter the wait. Waiting for contractors, waiting for big company departments and waiting for body corporates to approve funds.

I have honestly been going okay, a plastic tub as a bath for my kids, using the kettle to fill up our sink for dishes and flannel baths for the adults in the family. We ventured out today to the city and went to church as a family. I was feeling quite good, except I knew my ponytail was hiding the fact my hair needed a good wash, but despite this was excited to see our friends.

Waiting in a queue, I saw a lady that I didn’t really know. She smiled and said to my little sitting in her pram “You have another baby now?” I said with a smile “Yes, it’s going really well.” She looked at my little girl and said “Gosh she is so cute, but you’re looking really old.”

I looked and waited for the laugh, thinking “Is she trying to crack a joke”.

No joke, she truly meant to tell me I looked like I had aged since having children.

I walked away and actually chuckled.

If only she knew that my husband was on nightshift last night and the 12am, 1am and 4am cries for help, were attended all on my lonesome in the middle of winter.

If only she knew that my husband didn’t go to sleep today, so that he could come to church with our little fledgling family.

If only she knew that I hadn’t had a proper shower in days and was putting on a brave face, venturing out in public.

If only she knew that two children in three years had made me a little weary, but I’ve been writing and contributing, doing everything I can to live a life of purpose in the midst of novice motherhood.

As I sit here writing, my little baby girl is grumpy because her sleep routine was upset today so we could go to church, I’m making my husband a coffee as he goes off to nightshift again and my little man is blissfully unaware playing with his toys.

The brilliant thing is, I was able to laugh this comment off, because I have built my life and sense of self on so much more than how I look. As I study the proverbs, I am becoming more aware of what is happening around me and the choice I have to be offended with the unthinking things people say so carelessly.

What does make me sad today, is the little I know about this lady, I do know that she is a Granma and I feel sad for the words and darts that have been spoken to children who don’t have the skills to dive and duck.

You see my Mum came over for a cup of tea this afternoon and as I stood up to walk over to put the kettle on she said this “Darling, you are looking fabulous in those jeans”, I just smiled and tucked that little truth in my back pocket.

Wisdom says over and over that we need to know the power of our words.

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

Proverbs 12:18

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

Two Granma’s spoke to me today, one bought life, the other albeit careless could have bought death to my sense of self and day.

A woman of wisdom knows the cost of her words and she spends them carefully.

May I be someone who encourages and truly sees every person and the unspoken stories in their worlds, rather than carelessly saying things that impact people tremendously.

Always encouraging every Mum I meet with young children, that she is doing a fabulous job, no matter how unshevelled, food covered or unshowered they might actually look.

Soldier on, dear Mumma’s.

If no-one has told you today how brilliant you truly are, then let me tell you this “Darling, those jeans look fabulous on you…”

Own it, girls.

Till tomorrow,

Here is my next post: She guards her heart

Posted on July 11, 2015July 16, 2015 by Amanda Viviers — Leave a comment

she leaves a legacy

One of the only toys that have made it into my adult life from my childhood is this set of russian nesting dolls. I remember one very normal morning, my Dad was leaving to catch a plane to work in Russia somewhere and as he left I whispered, “Dad can you buy me some Russian Nesting Dolls.”

My Dad is an extremely light traveller and he rolled his eyes.

When he arrived home a few weeks later he told me the tale of these little dolls. He was travelling on a train in rural Russia and a lady was walking the train selling her goods, which included this homemade Matryoshka Doll Set. My Dad said he immediately bought them, not worrying about the wood or customs, that they were perfect for his daughter.

The reason I love these dolls so much is they speak of generations of women, that we each hold inside of us. These dolls are always carved out of the same wood, so that they can stack inside one another, even when the wood, warps and breathes. Isn’t it amazing that wood breathes and every generation of doll inside one another breathes together.

Another beautiful part of the dolls, is that the smallest baby of the set is always made first. The wood artist, forms the youngest of the set, then every woman is shaped around her.

Every part of this tradition is steeped in legacy. The dolls are all about leaving a creative legacy for future generations.

A woman of wisdom is made of the same ilk

She is always thinking about the legacy she is leaving for those to come. Her daughters, daughter. Her sons, son. She is intentional in the way that she provides and protects her future generations in the ways that she deals in the present.

Wisdom asks that we let go of that which has hindered us and leave a legacy of hope for our coming generations

Proverb 31: 28 and 29 says it this way

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.”

The reason why this writer says that she surpasses them all, is not because she is perfect or without fault.

She is brilliant, because she seeks wisdom and truth by living a life beyond herself.

One of the most difficult age groups I have ever worked with is teenagers. They are challenging because they are often overwhelmed and bombarded with emotions and disappointments. Often in my experiences, they are very angry and explosive when you ask them about their parents.

They may have the best clothes, they may be enrolled in the best schools and often they have every toy, technology or need overwhelmingly met. However most teenagers are angry, distant and struggle with their parents, because a legacy of communication has not been instilled in their household.

One of the wisest things that we can do as parents, is to deal with our internal noise appropriately, so that we are not labouring our children with its heaviness.

The result of lack of wisdom in our home environments

I often see two types of teenagers.

The ones whose parents tell them everything and they are overwhelmed at the intensity of the information or the ones whose parents hardly communicate at all with them and they are frustrated.

Legacy is often spoken about in terms of inheritance; how much money we leave behind for our children.

What if the legacy and inheritance was so much more than this?

What if our children walked into freedom in speech and emotional resilience, because we left a healthy legacy of communication as their gift?

I am determined to stop any generational cycles of emotional dysfunction that have been passed down. I want to teach my children to talk openly and to not keep secrets. I want my kids to know that they are always first in my attention. I don’t want them to ever feel like they have to fight with others to gain my attention.

The legacy that I am hoping they will inherit, is living a life knowing that they are known, loved and valued. Showing them that they are my absolute delight. At the same time I will show them the consequences of their actions and discipline them in times when it is required.

A life of wisdom, walked out year in, year out.

A life of legacy, that greatly impacts the coming generations.

A woman of wisdom looks beyond her little world and sees the people that are to come.

Her children called her blessed, they praise her, because she has sowed significantly into their lives.

Legacy is far more than money, imagine a generation of children who have a legacy of hope and wisdom to walk freely into.

To read the next post: She knows the power of her words

Posted on July 10, 2015July 11, 2015 by Amanda Viviers — Leave a comment

she knows her worth

Writing is the weirdest of pursuits. We sit in a room by ourselves, opening up our lives and heart, to an audience we very rarely meet.

I have readers of my books and blogs all over the world, yet it is very rare that I get to see or hear the impact that my writing has on them.

The greatest part of writing this blog, is the emotional processing and the reminder as a Mum, that there is a life outside of the four walls of my lounge room. Each and every time someone emails me, writes a comment, forwards my writing on social media, I am amazed.

Not because I think I am worthy and should be promoted, but because in some way my musings about life and truth have impacted someone and we have intersected each others moments, often alone, somewhere remote, thinking about the same things.

One of the hardest parts about becoming a first time Mum, was letting go of my career and subsequently all the friends and colleagues I worked with. My optimistic self assumed that we would continue to hang out and do crazy things together, but seasons shift and so do people and I rarely see them any more. A quick wave at an event, a hug and ‘what are you up to now’ and a smile that says briefly ‘Gosh, your kids are cute’.

I had to do a major realignment of who and what I got my sense of worth from.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life and I have had some difficult seasons.

I realised quickly that I had got so much of my self esteem and sense of worth out of what I did, rather than who I was.

Enter the woman of wisdom.

Proverbs 31 calls her a virtuous woman.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth far more than rubies.

Wisdom is far from revered in our social media crazed world. We praise beauty, we rate how many followers we have on instagram, we promote the woman with the most friends and the best resume. It would be rare in an interview for a promotion that the interviewee was asked

‘How wise do you think you are?’

‘How mature are you?’

‘Where do you get your worth and value from?’

The startling thing is though, when we dig deep and find our worth from our character, morals and strength rather than what other people say to us, we will contribute significantly to any circumstance we find ourselves in.

Proverbs 8:11
For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.

How much do you value seasons of difficulty when they bring wisdom and character into your days?

Are you trying to escape seasons of anonymity in pursuit of the glamorous?

When our character is tested, when our lives are proved, we realise how truly valuable the very bland landscape of character, loyalty and truth can be.

When we grow we are shaped.

When we dig deep into places that many are not willing to go, we refine the precious jewels in our souls that make us shine in the darkest of situations.

I long to live a life that not only I am proud of but those closest to me are as well.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Every time I reassess my sense of self through the eyes of maturity, grace and character, I grow a little larger on the inside.

Every time I rate my self by people’s comments, the number of people who are following or my job description, my heart shrinks a lot.

At the moment the screen saver of my phone says this ‘The more I fill myself with truth and grace, the less I need validation from others.’

I am determined in this season to frame my sense of self by worthy pursuits, rather than things of the world that fade away.

How about you?

What shapes your sense of self and worth?

How valuable do you think you truly are?

Wisdom would say that you are deeply valued, in fact worth more than all of the most precious jewels in the whole world.

To keep reading my series Click here She leaves a legacy

Posted on May 1, 2015 by Amanda Viviers — Leave a comment

Make her laugh…

Today I wrote a new piece on kinwomen.com “Make her laugh…it might just change everything”.

“Our hearts were not designed to be overwhelmed by a tide of words that pull down and tear apart.

Our souls were not created with a tenacity to overcome the bitterness and severity of opinions that are so freely shared.

We need to be determined in the nurture of the gentle parts of our inner world. We need to be intentional in the ways that we recover from seasons of intense sadness and conversations that tear us apart.

Words have power.

The power of life and death.”

Click here: Kinwomen to keep reading.

Happy May, lovelies…

Tag: womanhood