Place: at home
Poison: Pepsi max
Favourite things: a quiet space
After a big day yesterday, today has been really chilled. A friend swung by for a long, lazy visit and I find myself back in bed this afternoon as my boys hunt out things at the hardware shop.
The last twenty four hours have been much better in the fear stakes, no late night premonitions of tremblingly. Which is a start.
You see Im not overwhelmed and gripped with fear, it’s just little thoughts are creeping up and taking me by surprise since motherhood became my new profession.
Attacking problems with fervor is my normal operandi. I will attack problems until I find a solution. I will confront issues to bring about a resolution. I have no problem in confrontation.
However sometimes an aggressive all out missile approach is not the best and does not bring the result required. I am learning sometimes to just let offense go. I am learning that I can’t always please everyone and I am learning to conquer the anxiety that exists internally when everything is not rosy.
I have quite a few unresolved areas of my life at the moment. We have some big changes occurring in places we have no control over, I’m reflecting on whether I’ll go back to work or not, we have a silly conflict with a neighbor about some work done on our building and the list continues. Niggly things, that really do fill my heart with fear.
Mostly fear about people’s opinions of me.
What do I do?
The bible goes on to say in this passage.
‘Let your gentleness be evident to all’
Wow, approaching those places of vulnerability in our lives with gentleness.
A gentle word, a gentle response, a gentle shove, a gentle smile, a gentle cuddle…gentleness.
Gentleness is not seen as a key to success in our world.
Bold, brashful, camakazee warfare is promoted in a boot camp style of life reformation. Which in some instances does bring change, but how long lasting?
I want to let my walls down and allow a gentle spirit to come out and play.
With my husband, family but mostly myself. Being kind to myself and my fears and allowing gentleness to reign.