Life is often crazy beautiful. It can be wonderful at the same time as devastating.
Our disney-ified expectations and dreamy hazed projections, make us believe that living the life that we want and hope for, is a life that is free from struggle.
We think we want a stress free, oasis kind of nirvana, but I don’t think that place exists on this earth.
Yesterday I launched this book and I sold many copies and was so excited. At the same time, the diagnosis of one of my best friends came through with devastating reality.
My Grandmother turned 90 yesterday and as her family gathered around the table, there was a plethora of dysfunction, mixed in with a crazy amounts of pure joy.
People were frustrated with each other, family members who hadn’t sat at the same table for 20 years, rehashed old painful scenarios, yet as my Grandma spoke quietly about the milestone, she cried softly for the beauty, for the regrets, for the unresolved conflict, for the sheer miracle of lasting that long.
Ninety years on this earth, hasn’t provided her with a peaceful place of bliss, it has given her a quiet disposition of satisfaction for the simple things.
The sparkle in her great grandchild’s eyes, the taste of her favourite Tiramisu cake, the feeling of friends gathering who have known her for 50 years or more and at the same time the loss of those who didn’t make it through.
The heartache of children who were so grateful for her ninety years, but heartbroken at the water under bridges that can never be caught again.
In the midst of this family celebration I sat there quietened because one of my closest friends is facing a battle in her 30’s that is very unfair.
She is bravely facing the fight but the juxtaposition of crazy beautiful is as tangible as a windy, rocky beach in the midst of summer. I walk the beach expecting it to be calm because of its smell, its taste and its beauty, yet the wind blows, the spray from the oceans bites. A perfect contrast of beauty and beastliness. The raw reality of life in its fullness.
Life will never ever be perfect.
Your days will never ever be perfect.
Circumstances will never ever be perfect.
Your dreams will never looked the way you imagined.
Our world is full of light and darkness and sometimes the hue of its inconsistency results in grey.
Sometimes that grey is sharp and moody and fabulous, other days the grey just takes over and finding your way out of it’s gloom is difficult.
The only revelation I found from yesterdays sharp inconcistencies was to love and grasp the moments of beauty when they present themselves.
Let go of your pain.
Let go of your fears.
Let go of those family disappointments, do you realise that everyone is just as broken as you are?
You don’t get to live 90 years on this planet and not walk away with some regret, some secrets, some bad decisions and some terrible seasons.
Love the crazy beautiful and let go of that image of perfection and nirvana that haunts.
(a very fragile, but very happy, but vulnerable me.)