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the fear of…

max christmas

The day I gave birth to my son was not a day full of beauty and glowing moments of peace and wonder, it was scary, it was overwhelming, it was out of control.

I started the day quite simply, rolling over and seeing my husband and smiling, so grateful for the blessings that had been bestowed. Then it all went out of hand from there. Like completely cray cray.

I leaned over to my husband and a massive splash of water proceeded to break. I squealed a little as I thought I had wet the bed, but it turned out that my waters had well and truly broken.

My husband jumped quickly and grabbed our hospital bag. He had rehearsed our trip to the hospital and was prepared for the mad dash there. His GPS was set, his heart was nervous, he was ready for this significant change in our lives. I stopped him on the way out of the house though and said ‘I need to go to the coffee shop!’ He was like ‘You are crazy why?’ I said ‘I know it’s going to be a long day, so I need a coffee and some breakfast otherwise I am not going to make it through the birth’.

My Mr knew that when I had my mind set on something he could never convince me otherwise, so there we found ourselves waiting at ‘the dome’, me in the car writing my blog post (I had committed to writing everyday that year) and him shaking his head and hands as he asked for two fierce flat whites to go.


When I said I was going to write every day for 366 days of that year. I did.

Was it easy, no.

Were there days that I struggled, yes.

But I did it.

The rest of my first little one’s birth day wasn’t as smooth as expected. He came two weeks early, as we ran into the hospital I threw up every bit of the coffee and wrap I had eaten in haste for sustenance and strength.

We were then sent home, to wait for the contractions to beat.

When we got home, we forgot that a tiler had been booked to finish our bathroom renovation.

So I huffed and puffed in my room and a few feet away a complete stranger fixed our bathroom so our baby could have a room to bathe when he came home.

Awkward, yes.

We went back to the hospital late that night and were quickly rushed in for an emergency Caesarean, because a cord was around my little man’s neck and every contraction constricted him to a point of heart slowing down and near death.

Chaotic, yes.

Crazy, yes.

Not how I imagined, of course.

Beautiful beyond measure however? indeed.

Commitment is a very unpopular word these days.

It is easy to say yes to something, when it is exciting and overwhelming and green.

It is hard to follow through on your word, when those days get difficult and you are unable to face the fears of your heart.

What are you afraid of enduring to see your dreams truly be realised?

Face that fear of commitment and decide to see something significant through to the end.

Is it writing every day?

Is it painting every day?

Then join me in #inspire14 and do something everyday for the year 2014

Is it saying yes to that relationship you are fearful of?

Is it moving your family to a new space to start again?

Commit to it.

You will never regret committing, but you will always regret not.

Maybe this internship is something you want to commit to? Creative Internship

All my love



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