I have a little colour crush on gold at the moment.
Anything I buy (which honestly is not that much), start again anything I make, I want to add a little gold.
I went through an anti gold phase a few years ago, where I gave away all my gold jewellery. (I know! what was I thinking?)
Anyways, today I have been dreaming of stitching little gold hearts onto outfits for my little miss v, who is due in just a few short months.
As I sit here thinking about frosting all things golden, I have been reflecting about my main man Maximus.
His personality is so light and happy, so joyful and loving.
If you have followed me for a while you would have seen my baby spam and picked up a little bit of his personality.
This morning we went to dancing which is our usual Friday outing and he did not want to leave my side. He has been so clingy and over and over he has been saying ‘Mummy you okay? Mummy you okay?’.
The truth is I haven’t been okay.
I have been in extreme pain and even just the little things, like pouring him a bath and getting him dressed have been difficult.
If I lean one way or another, I have excruciating pain flooding through my back.
I don’t like talking or writing about it that much, because I know how many people are in so much more pain than me.
I have become so aware of people who are in pain over the last week or so, since I have struggled to walk and doing little everyday menial tasks.
Pain and discomfort, the human condition is so cloudy.
It can cloud over joy, it can cloud over perspective, it can cloud over our responses to people, it can make us a little short and unbecoming.
Back to my little Maximus.
His nickname has been Maximus the Brave. Ever since he was born he has been a very social, very happy little lion.
Over the last week though, I have seen that my weakness has cause vulnerability in him and it has shown me no matter the personality of our little people they feel.
They are impacted by culture, they are impacted by ambience, they are impacted by pain.
Does that mean I should withhold what I am feeling to protect him?
Yes sometimes, other times no.
Does that mean I need to pretend everything is okay all the time when it is not?
Absolutely not, as much as I try to protect him, he still picks up what is happening in his everyday environment.
What I am learning though is how golden and precious his little heart is. He has always been strongly compassionate, he notices people, he feels with people and this is not a weakness that I need to man him up. I need to nurture and develop that heart for others and validate what is happening in this season for him.
His feelings are important and acknowledging how he is coping in the midst of these changes for our family is just as valid as mine.
Often as he is crying we say over and over ‘Use your words, use your words.’ I think it is imperative that I teach him now, as he is starting to communicate, what he is feeling and why? A little man child, who has the capacity to express the longings of his heart.
Our family is wonderful but I grew up hearing over and over from my Uncles, children should be seen and not heard. I completely disagree.
Are you listening to the heart beat and the changes in your families lives?
How can we bring validation and life to little people as well?
Maybe this is why I have been drawn to meditation and calm practise in this season. A simple and soft response instead of a harsh, hurried reply.
Being slow to speak and staying quiet until I am able to speak with life.
Letting go of the crazy expectations we place on one another and believing the best.
Holding precious moments today in our hands as a gift.
He has a golden little heart and in a few short months, he will not be my only focus anymore with a sister on her way.
He has a precious luminous soul, that is impacted by my attitudes, my words and the atmosphere I create in our home.
He has a tenderness that is not weak, it is ethereal and I need to stop sometimes and listen to hear what he is saying without words.
Just recently only on mornings when my husband is not home, he slips into our bed and whispers. Jesus, Jesus and points to the side of our room. One morning he exclaimed ‘Hello, Jesus. How are you?’.
Golden little people.
Maybe society wouldn’t be as broken as it is today, if we held each others hearts with as much care and tenderness as the possessions that obsess us.
Golden little souls.
Full of compassion, grace and love, that are wanting to be noticed.
Golden little hearts.
Lets handle them with care.