A new year beckons, a new season awaits and I find myself saying these words over and over, slightly confused because I know they are not an accurate reflection of what I am wanting to communicate.
‘I just never get any time to myself.’
In reality I do.
Why do I feel crowded in and unable to find space. Yes we live in a tiny apartment with four humans, yes we surround ourselves with people and lots of pretty things.
I seriously love my life!
In moments of frustration and exhaustion though, my wandering soul is seeking inspiration. I crave truth and perspective. I feel starved for fresh words and moments of awakening in the everydayness of novice motherhood.
In the early hours of this morning, as my little baby cried out for help somewhere between 3am and 4am, a big pile of clothes tumbled out of my cupboard and I felt my shoulders lift, exasperated.
I realised what the ‘time to myself’ thread is communicating.
I don’t want space from my husband or children.
I don’t want space from our visiting friends because I am unhappy.
I don’t even crave another wardrobe or storage container (as much as this would be amazing)
As a mum of two small children, as a writer, as a communicator, as a listener, as a friend, as a pursuer of truth, I need space to breathe.
I want space to think clearly, without interruptions to recalibrate the year.
The funny thing is, we often blame others for our lack of space.
‘Why won’t you give me space?’
‘My house is overflowing I need more space or maybe more storage?’
‘If I could just find more space in my calendar all my problems would disappear?’
I have found the space is available, but we are the ones who need to find it.
We are so often our own worst enemies in the dialogue of space. We fill our calendars, we buy more stuff, we say no when an offer to look after our kids is offered. We are the ones who block the road towards finding space.
We can’t keep blaming others for this lack of space, we need to clear a path for what we are looking for.
Wide open spaces are available, even when you are surrounded by family and friends.
Space is awaiting discovery, we just need to ask for what we are looking for and make it happen.
This new year season, I am clearing a few hours, to contemplate these questions so that I can walk into this new year with perspective.
Would you like to join me?
Click on the link and Download the questions, print them and take some time for yourself this January.
Let’s find some space together and make great decisions towards change in 2015.