Author: Amanda Viviers

20. Cafe conversation; self-care.

When I write the words ‘self-care’ what is the image that first comes to you?

A weird ritual from the self-help section of the Library?

Something a psychologist says in passing conversation to sound intelligent?

Self-care is simply a list of nurturing things that make you feel loved and well. Each and every one of us expresses love in a unique way and receives love in different ways as well.

As a single woman, it is easy to stop caring and loving ourselves because we are so busy trying to escape the feelings that often overwhelm us.

Write a list of things that make you feel loved. Here are some ideas:

Bath

Movies

Dinner with friends

Presents

Time

Jobs ticked off a list

Massage

Deep conversation

Then organise to have a coffee and conversation with a good friend about these things.

Sometimes all it takes is a conversation that matters to open up your heart to the possibility of loving differently and extravagantly.

How can you love yourself more?

19. Book a holiday.

When was the last time you took a decent holiday? Do you have a big pile of leave sitting in your HR office? Do you holiday often but always at the same place, with the same people?

My challenge is for you to plan a holiday to a far-off destination or, if you travel often and widely, to plan a stay-cation in your own city.

Read travel blogs, look at hotel reviews, find tours to go on, look into the history of the nations.

Get interested in something that is outside your everyday.

Recently we had a stay-cation in our own city and it was amazing. It is all about planning to do something that you don’t normally do and get yourself out of your comfort zone.

Plan an adventure. If you feel lonely and travelling by yourself is too much, book a cruise or a tour, so you can meet new people.

You know you want to.

Write to me and let me know where you are going, I am sure I will be a little jealous.

18. Write a list of what makes you feel most connected.

What truly makes you feel the happiest?

When you are in a big group of people laughing?

When you are having coffee with one great friend who you feel deeply connected with?

When you are helping or serving others?

Shopping?

Drawing?

Write a list of the things that truly fuel you and make you come alive relationally.

Now on the same piece of paper, write a list of the things that make you feel the most alone… a list of things that really drain you.

Your challenge is to do something from the list that makes you feel most connected this week.

Little changes that will make a big difference.

17. Burn the list.

What are the traits or characteristics you have looked for in a partner?

I think there was a teaching that went around a few years ago that told us to write a list and pray, hope, beg that person into being. I have realised in my own experience that this is really unhelpful.

I am challenging you to burn the list.

Not literally (although maybe you have it written down somewhere), but find a way to explore the possibility of a person being perfect for you who may never tick all the bullet points on your list.

Then write one word.

Just one word that is not negotiable.

Mine was kind.

What is yours?

16. Buy a packet of crayons and colour in.

I have found that some of the most lucid moments in my life are those when I am doing something from my childhood.

Colouring in, fishing on the beach, building a cubby, playing with play dough, sitting in the sand at the beach and building sand castles.

There is something so grounding when we remind ourselves of the simplicity of childhood emotions. When we are excited in summer to taste that first lick of an ice-cream, the first breath taken as we swing on a playground, moments of exhilaration when we jump puddles.

Today I am encouraging you to do something you haven’t done in a long time and see what thoughts arise.

Maybe you just need to break a crayon and colour in any way.