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I was riding on the back of a motorbike in rural Indonesia, just a few short months ago and I realised something was very wrong. The wind was rushing through my hair, I was resting my head on my husband’s shoulder and everything within me should have been buzzing. This situation in the past would have filled me with adrenaline and my heart would have been racing.
As a creative, pioneering soul, my heart aches to rebel. It is like I have always been curiously designed to push the boundaries, not in an intensely negative way but an innovative edge to challenge the status quo. Honestly, I believe if we are not pushing boundaries, then we will be constantly seeking comfort and nothing new is birthed in this position.
It was this Thursday afternoon in Indonesia that I knew something needed to change for 2017 and that my time as a stay at home Mum after five years was coming to a close. It was a natural transition, as my now not so little first born Maximus was starting full-time school. My second born Liberty has that same I want to leap out of the nest innovative style like her Mum, so we have decided to put her into a pre-kindy program and I am stepping back into part-time work.
After a lot of processing, I have come to the conclusion that there are many reasons for my squashed adrenaline response on the back of the motorbike that day. One being grief, I realised that to shut down to pain was to shut down to joy. I also realised that the constant stimulation from little people’s questions and demands had depleted my creative heart. I also knew that tiredness and lack of solitude had zapped my inspiration tanks. Together, my husband and I have come up with a simple plan to refuel my inspiration responses this year with ten simple ways I am bringing inspiration back into my everyday life.
It is easy to get overwhelmed by the urgent rather than the important. The life of a parent is filled with urgent needs in front of our vegemite smeared faces and yes our attention is absolutely needed by those closest. But an empty washing basket, worn as a badge of honor, that is prioritised over a manuscript that is awaiting attention does not give me the same long-term satisfaction as expressing the gifts that lay dormant. I am pursuing a rhythm this year, where I am seeking the important over the urgent and saying no to those things filled with the obligations that drain. Five-minute journalling and reading every day, rather than a big binge once a week.
There are many days that I cannot remember who contacted me where and what I am responding too. It is like social media has fractured my connection space and it used to be one of my strengths. I have messages waiting on Instagram and people texting me replies to something I posted on social media and facebook messages, tweets, likes, follows and comments. My brain is exploding from all the messages that are flying back and forth and it is changing my capacity to remember who I have spoken to about what. I have decided this year, that I am not going to feel the pressure to respond to every text, message, and invitation that flys at me. I am prioritising face to face connection and phone conversations with people. If anyone wants to communicate online with me I am asking them to email me and once a day I will respond via email. I have also disconnected email from all my different computers and screens. I am only having my email account on my laptop and will be unsubscribing from all the emails that do not add value. I am prioritising my connection with people and thoughtful responses over scrolling and half answers and emojis filled with rolled eyes and exhales.
My life as a Novice Mum has been categorised by vegemite toast on the run and coffee going cold in a cup. I have survived the last five years, by saying yes to all of you and my children over time walking, exercising and creating healthy boundaries with food. So once again I stand here at the beginning of a new year and I am faced with the weight I have carried around with me, as I have chased my children through life. I am choosing health over speed and apples over toast, water over Pepsi max and herbal tea over coffee.
Social Media brings with it such instant gratification. Every time you like my post, my people pleasing nature is ignited and the loss of online engagement over the season when I turned my phone off, made me feel deep places of rejection. This year I am choosing to write instead of people please online. The requests, the reaching out and the conversations are all so important, but it has come at a cost and the cost is the voice that I have been developing each time I sit to write with intention and grace. This year I am promising myself to write more and people please less.
I like to know what is happening in the world. With two little people listening to the news in all its glory, I have realised how deeply destructive our media is. Each morning I like to put on the news and listen to it as I make breakfast. I also have a habit of listening to the news at nighttime as I prepare dinner. This year I am changing that deeply engrained habit. I am choosing music, uplifting songs and atmosphere’s, over the systemic nature of the world and its media organisations. This decision is one of my hardest, as I feel like I am saying goodbye to friends. But I would prefer to read articles and books with a more balanced world view, that the way the media has turned.
One of my greatest privileges of 2016, on that trip to Indonesia was reading a couple of books that were profound. I read Shauna Niquest’s book Present over Perfect and I think it was the grace shift I needed in this whole season of my life. Here is the link if you want to have a read. We have also decided in February to do a book club with Elaine Fraser, Jodie McCarthy and I with this book if you want to order and read along.
This one is a hard one. My husband said this recently “Do you realise how often in a day you apologise my love?” Woah, a stop the car moment. I spend so much of my day teaching my children to say sorry and to stop and to sit in the corner, that I have become an apology machine. When I slow myself down, I have realised that I constantly apologise for my voice. So rather than say sorry, I am going to listen more and be slower to speak.
Yesterday we de-cluttered our spare room and we deep cleaned our pantry. The plastics cupboard got a good spanking and our fridge was emptied again. I am a serial de-clutterer, but I absolutely believe the only reason I am able to write today is because my space is prioritised. It is the simplest inspiration principle, but it is profound. This year I am once again prioritising buying quality over quantity and removing myself from the culture that more is more. Whoever dies with the most stuff does not win. I refuse to be drawn into this cultural phenomenon, that if my Instagram feed is full of the latest and greatest, that I am somewhat successful.
In my pursuit of consuming less, I am taking the time to make things, rather than just buy them. I have pulled out my sewing machines more times in the last couple of months than I have in the last few years. Second hand to me is my delight and hand me downs are our sustenance. I refuse to mindlessly scroll the shopping centre, throwing stuff in my basket so I feel better, I am going to get my hands dirty and make food, clothes and I know I will find the satisfaction of making there.
Last night as the sun was setting my husband dressed our family in their outdoor gear and pushed us all off the couch. We should have been having showers and settling in for the evening, but he forced us out to the beach and the result was profound. The whole way as the pavement stared up at me, I wanted to return to the comfort of the couch but getting active and breathing in fresh air is the best remedy for inspiration that I know. Drinking water, talking and walking is one of the greatest ways to connect as a family and I am prioritising the pavement this year over the couch.
What are you prioritising this year?
Welcome to my new series that I will be publishing every Friday of 2017, “ten ways with Amanda”. A series of articles that will be releasing each week encouraging inspiration and encouragement for our weekly lives.
Happy Creative and Inspired Year truth Seekers,
I’m hoping to write a lot more in this space this coming year.
Amanda Marie
One thing I try to do each year is to reflect back upon the books I have read and the impact that they have made on me. Lately, I have realised I am much better at reading a book if it is sitting on my bedside table and I can feel the time and effort it took to print its pages.
Available here with free shipping from Book Depository.
It is difficult to describe how Big Magic helped me this year. It came in a season when I needed to re-remember what I knew about creativity and how powerful it is to help us find our voice. The beginning of 2016 was full of much grief. I needed to re-find the power of creativity and step into the great unknown of my year. Elizabeth Gilbert helped motivate me to start again and finish off those projects that remained undone.
Available here with free shipping from Book Depository
I am reading this book right now, from my Kindle, but I am going to order a paperback copy. It is massaging my heart in places that are needing to be tenderly approached with care. I had one week in particular in the second half of 2016, where we cracked an ipad air screen, a iPhone screen, and a ipads screen. We hadn’t broken any screens in our house, till this one fated week. The only device that hasn’t been fixed yet is my iPad air. The one I work on. That is because it costs over $400 just to replace the screen. It is funny from the beginning of this little season in my family life, I was deeply upset because there was a part of me that just couldn’t look at something that was broken every day. Especially something that I write and produce creatively on. But lately, as I read this book on that smashed screen, I am realising that there is beauty in our brokenness and God meets us in these undone places.
Available here with free shipping from Book Depository
During November, I laid down technology and picked up paper. I turned forty at the end of October and this book was the perfect end to a big decade of my life. I had bought two houses, sold one house, gotten engaged and married, given birth to two children and traveled extensively. I am not someone who easily sits in the pocket of present over perfect. There is something within me that wants everything to work out with precision and flare. Life is far from perfect and Shauna’s writing has been a balm this year to my soul.
Available here with free shipping from Book Depository
I have only just found this little gem, this week in fact, but it is coming in as a year long favourite, with Shonda’s wit and courage. She encourages her readers to dance it out, stand in the sun and be your own person. Maybe 2017 needs to be your year of yes. This writer from some of my favourite shows like grey’s anatomy has caught my attention with this one.
Available here with free shipping from Book Depository
This book has 365 Chapters, with little nuggets for the whole year through. It has been such a privelege to walk with Shauna through her year, with this little book of devotions. Each page has a scripture and a thought that is so applicable for my season as a Mum. I have decided to write each day and do this as my 2017 devotional again next year. To help me walk into my new season with hope and light.
And of course, my year would not have been complete without this little special friend.
I feel like I gave birth to a book baby this year DEAR SINGLE SELF and the feedback that is coming from people all over the world who are ready my stories and thoughts is so encouraging.
What are your top five books for the year?
I would love to know.
Happy December friends.
The light flickered with a glint only found at this hour. Quiet descended and beauty thrashed with a “NAAHAYY”. This is the hour, the hour of the great awakening. Across the earth, there are moments like this every day but they are uncommon.
She turned her head and smiled knowingly. The grass, the warmth of the fresh soil, the green burst of freshness as dew settled into its familiar crevices. She had found her resting place. Eyes closed, nostrils breathing deep, she searched across the voices in her mind, to settle with the one that bought the most comfort.
Each and every voice she had become accustomed to. The negative one, that told her she was not good enough. The strung out one that told her time was limited and she should not even try. Then she tripped over the silly one, smiling and saying she was a little childish. And the one she settled into that day, was the one who brought with her a cup of hot chocolate and a smile. This voice whispered rather than scolded. This voice helped her realise the power of her unique.
That simple moment of realisation on that morning unlocked something that lay hidden for seasons before. It was an awakening, where she realised that being different was no longer a curse, but the beginning of something so very grand.
She listened to the voice, the still quiet echo and it ushered her towards the great unknown.
The common path had been her guide. It was trampled and well worn in. She knew its mountainous crevices so well, she could walk its rocky paths with not much thought. She followed and frolicked, roamed and walked its path. She had no idea that she was purposed to trail a new path. That these new days asked for new ways.
The new path lay hidden inside the flash of her mane, the flash of brilliance beneath her chin and the flicker within her soul. She was unique, she was powerful and she was divine.
Why did she always believe what the pack said about her?
She asked herself “Why am I always so content with fitting in, that I loose sight of what my own thoughts and opinions really reflect?”
It all began one ordinary Tuesday morning. As her friends walked to the edge of the field, to spy once again on the neighbours flowers. They stood in a neat little row at the fence staring aimlessly at the field of wildflowers.
Her friend Chanel whispered, “What if we broke free and leaped into the field beyond?”
Therese scalded “Chanel, that is a terrible idea. We should be grateful for the place we find ourselves in now. Many people would be glad to have a view like we do. Shame on you for being so ungrateful.”
It wasn’t long before the warm cup of hot chocolate was offered to her internal mind. An awakening of possibility, that maybe, just maybe Chanel wasn’t ungrateful but she was designed for so much more.
She looked beyond her today and there was something in Chanel’s question that broke open her Tuesday.
“What if.”
It repeated over and over in her mind, as she allowed the possibility of a different tomorrow to sink in. It became a beckoning rhythym of potential and purpose.
It rung to places that she had no idea even existed in her heart.
“What if” echoed
“What if” appealed
“What if” reassured
“What if” provoked
Change beckoned her out of that field of familiarity and open her heart to hope. “What if I was called to live beyond these gates?”
“What if there is something unique and purposed in my life?”
“What if I was born for so much more?”
And in that moment she forgot to think, she forgot the fear and she leaped. She stopped over thinking, over analysing and over dramatising her whole damn life and she leapt into the great unknown.
It was only in the midst of the leap that the most profound thing happened. Her legs lengthened and her tail flared into colours she had no idea were hidden beneath her beige. As she flew her unique flared across her body and she became the full version of herself that was awaiting its time.
As she lengthened and as she stretched the beauty of the horn that she had always hated that sat there obviously on her head transformed into her signature.
As she silently flew beyond the limits of the field, the hot chocolate voice reassured her. She realised that she had always been designed to fly.
This weekend Amanda is speaking at an event “Finding Your Voice” tickets are closing tonight and it is your last chance to come and have breakfast with Amanda and her latest book Dear Single Self will be available for sale and a personally signed copy.
Each Thursday over on 98.5fm’s blog I am writing a series called Dear Self…
Here is the first installment originally published here.
Imagine if you filled up the kettle with water right now and sat down with your favourite tea and had a good old chat to yourself. What would you say?
What if the self you were speaking to, was you 20 years ago?
What did you look like? What were your favourite things and what emotion bombarded your days?
Recently I have been on a journey of discovery. I am a writer and I spend my days looking for inspiration. One of those days, when I was nursing my baby girl, I thought of this exact scenario. Imagine if I could tell Amanda from twenty years ago a few things. What if I could hug her and say it is all going to be OK?
What would I say to my former self?
Dear Amanda,
Have I been treating you OK lately? I’m sorry for those days I spoke things internally that no-one else heard but they impacted everything. Life is far from perfect but honestly, you are doing OK. The future has many days that are hard, but I promise you there are some that are brilliant and beautiful as well. Your dreams do come true, but the funny thing is this: they look nothing like you think they will.
Love,
Me
The wisdom found in the retrospective is profound.
There is something deeply moving when we look back at the things we used to pray for and remind ourselves, that those prayers have been answered.
One of the hardest journeys I have found in my faith walk is realising life brings its ups and downs, but when I look behind at the traversed seasons God has walked beside me all along.
Even those days when I questioned deeply whether He was.
Psalm 18:19 says it this way:
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
In the midst of this season, I wrote a book, where I gathered 30 women and asked them to write a letter to their former self. With lessons they had learnt, with life’s wisdom gathered through the years and the regrets they wanted to lay to rest.
As these letters landed in my post box, I breathed deeply and felt an immense weight of responsibility carrying these stories of women.
Every time I read one of these letters, I am stunned by our collective wisdom as women.
Would you like to write a story to your former self?
What wisdom have you learnt across your years?
Each Thursday in October, I will be writing on this theme of collective wisdom written to our former selves. Every story, every lesson, and our voice together has power to change lives.
Send your letter to the private message inbox on Facebook or to info@amandaviviers.com — they will be kept anonymous — and I look forward to learning from your journeys and lessons as well.
Ernest Hemingway says it this way:
Join me on this journey on 98five.com each Thursday in October.
Amanda’s book Dear Single Self is due out December 1.
