Author: Amanda Viviers

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day 40: finding ways to decrease myself.

 

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We live in a world that is overwhelmed with self. From self expression, self awareness, self care and selfies. The list goes on and on. In essence all of these concepts and pursuits are not necessarily bad but when we combine them with our lack of reflection, retreating and sabbath, we lose sight of our place in the largeness of the world.

Maturity says, that we are but dust and ashes and in the other breath whispers we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

How can we decrease in a world that tells us constantly we need to increase?

How can we find our voice, with a humility that whispers strongly with hope?

Over the next forty days I am going to attempt to fast, by writing on this blog a devotion through the days of lent leading up to Easter. Early this morning, I woke up after deciding last night I wanted to start the lenten season by going to Catholic Mass and consecrating this season to God. My kids were off the charts, my husband left for work before 6am, but something within me niggled telling me to get the kids dressed and take time to reflect.

There is something so powerful about the Catholic mass. Their heart to reflect, be quiet and submit is honestly breathtaking. I think in all our attempts to be modern, relevant and hip, the contemporary christian church has lost pieces of the sacredness of sitting in contemplation with a company of seekers.

We must all decrease a little.

We all have seasons of needing a little reboot.

Every time I write, it means I put my phone down. Every time I pray it means I realign what is important in my life. Every time I listen, I remember that people are way more important than things. Every time I breathe deeply I am reconnected with the absolute privilege of life. Every time I read words that were penned thousands of years ago, I am reminded of the depth of humanity that have grieved the same ways that I am grieving.

Lent is the perfect place to reconfigure what is important. Traditionally many fast something across the forty days of lent. I have been wrestling with what I should give up. Until late last night when I saw something small on instagram that showed me, I just needed to give up being so consumed with myself.

Enter this fast.

I am going to read this book 40 days of decrease by Alicia Britt Chole and write here each day (as much as possible when I am in Nepal and Bangkok). Retreating away from the things that tempt me to believe that my needs, my wants, my thoughts are more important than another. Stepping back from my thoughts, my opinions and my judgements and trying to find perspective in the midst. Slowing down my language and contemplating more on a divine one.

This year as I walk towards Easter, I want to think less about myself and more about what ignited my faith when I was a young girl. I want to consecrate my heart and life again and cleanse the parts of me that have become self righteously consumed.

“Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger, and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” Deut 8: 2-3

Today I stood in the aisle of Coles and a lady came up to me and with a look of embarrassment said, ” I am sorry to tell you, but you have a massive black smudge on your head.” I smiled and replied “It’s okay, I went to mass this morning, today is Ash Wednesday and it is the start of the lead up to Easter”, she retorted quite embarrassed. “Oh sorry I didn’t realise it was religious.” and I said “Don’t be sorry, it’s far from religious for me, it is actually very personal, it is a relationship that I am so deeply moved by.”

And if I was completely honest here, there have been seasons where I have been embarrassed in this forum to be completely open and frank about what I believe, because I never want anyone to be put off by the culture of christianity and the disgusting things that have been done in the name of faith, instead of the pure depth of being overwhelmed by the power of God.

So over the next forty days, I am stepping deeper into a place of lenten reflection.

If you read my words regularly and don’t believe what I believe, it’s totally cool, I am not going to debate you or embarrass you. I am just going to take you on a journey of relationship and what is so deeply personal for me.

Join the journey.

Use this blog as a devotional in the lead up to Easter and journal about the questions, the scriptures, the thoughts.

And comment along I would love to hear your reflections.

Day 40: finding ways to decrease myself.

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Teary Ballerina’s and learning to change the way I think. Again.

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Tiny Ballerina | Liberty ninth of Feb | twenty sixteen.

If there is one scripture that I have cliched, wrapped in gladwrap and handed out with ease, it is Philippians 4: 8…

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

It is seriously my go to favourite.

The last two weeks, I have had to tell and re-tell the wisdom of these simple words to myself over and over.

One could say twenty sixteen has not gotten off to the best start here in our household. From all of my great expectations, I have been struggling to find my peace in the midst of a swell that has been rising. I feel like I have been in a strong ocean current and every time I have gained my breath and landed my sight on the shoreline, I have been dunked again.

When life is treating you like a spin cycle on a washing machine, what can you do?

How do you hold on, when the cycle hits full speed?

I have remembered and I have counselled, get back to your basics and refresh your internal world. My thoughts rage against a peaceful life and these last few weeks have been no different.

Another version of this scripture says it this way;

Keep your minds thinking about whatever is true, whatever is respected, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever can be loved, and whatever is well thought of. If there is anything good and worth giving thanks for, think about these things.”

My little ballerina has struggled so much the last two weeks, sleeping, clinging, screaming and crying. She has not handled the transition of big brother waltzing off to school. It was Max that I was worried about but his comment on the second day as we entered the school gates was “No photos and you can go now” showed me that he was handling the transition just fine. It was my teary ballerina that I left in his wake, that had me scrambling as a Mumma Bear.

Yesterday I found myself thinking, I just need to give everything up, I cant do this, this is my fault. You know the guilt driven dialogue well. One of the greatest silencers of our voice, is negative words that do everything they can to stop the dreamer from rising. The words we speak over ourselves can either be the greatest elixir of inspiration or the most devastating of mute button.

We are often silenced mostly in our dream realms from the words we speak to and over ourselves.

Our inner dialogue is the most profound anticipators of our future. The more we tell ourselves we can’t, the less likely we are to actually have a go. The more we tell ourselves we can and reframe who is in control of our future, the more success will follow us.

Our dream battles are often won and lost in the tenure of our thoughts.

Here I am today telling myself…

Whatever is lovely, whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is pure.

I am going to think about these things.

This is my meditation for today.

How about you?

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learning to be flexible enough to dream again

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Muse nine scents candle: French Pear.

I have always been a dreamer, a big believer and a people collector. From the earliest age I can remember, I was the producer, the director, the dance teacher and the event coodinator. We would arrange lavish productions for our family and friends, with oranges down leotards and lipstick for days.

I dreamed of creative productions, I coordinated people in my dreams and woke with bossy words dripping from my lips.

My mum always encouraged me and I am sure my Dad constantly had a roll in his eyes, but dreaming for greater days has always been natural for me. The hard part has been navigating seasons of wait and not allowing the dream to die in the midst of the valley.

Dreams die hard and fast when the reality of daily life sets in. People criticise, morgtages drain funds, memories of failure linger and hearts quiver at the thought of trying again.

Lately I have been learning that one of the greatest inhibitors to my voice finding freedom, is holding on to tight to the journey towards the actualisation, rather than the dream birthing. I am a hustler by day and a dreamer by night. I have no problem working loyally and sacrificially to make something happen.

In the realm of our life’s signiture, when we push too hard and fret about the end result, the process of realisation often becomes stuck.

The more we grip, the longer it takes.

The tighter we hold, the more stressful the outcome.

I have been learning that flexibility is the key to dreaming again and hope is the answer in allowing a new sound to arise.

There is something so unique about your voice, whether it is through writing, speaking, designing, creating, taking photos, expressing yourself, cooking, hospitality and how you arrange your home.

You have a voice.

You are unique.

You have purpose.

You are delightful.

I have found in my own dream walk however, that when I cling onto things, when I try too hard, I am like a teenage boy trying to speak in the shift of their voice changing and all that comes out is a loud squeak.

I am learning to be kinder in my self talk and swifter in letting something go if it is just not working but determined in beginning again. Everytime something fails, I am learning to not spend so much time going over what went wrong but stepping forward into the grace that is available for the new and trying again.

Are you stuck?

Does your voice sound hoarse?

Are you struggling to dream again?

My question is this for you…

What are you clinging on to?

What are you trying to control?

Where is there a place of tension, that you are unable to gain peace?

This may be the answer to dream again. Flexibility is not loosing all control, in fact it takes a lot more skill and strength to be a yoga ninja who can bend, hold and extend themselves to find their place of balance.

Be flexible.

Don’t hold on so tight.

But have a go.

Step forward into your new my friend and find your voice, by beginning to dream again.

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finding your way, again.

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Liberty Elizabeth, aged 18 months.
Three words have been resounding around my heart and head for twenty sixteen and this blog. This little message began to emerge as a reoccurring theme towards the end of my last season, as they often do and have not left my day to day.

These words are basic yet profound. They are powerfully simple and I know that they are a message for my own life as well as some others who follow my random thoughts over here on this piece of the internet.

Last year the theme of the in-between, was so strong that I could not let go of its message. I walked around and around its citadel until late in twenty fifteen, until I felt a simple encouragement rise from the depths of my very being that whispered softly “The in-between is now over.”

The theme for my new season is this…

“find your voice”

There is something so strong emerging, where I know a strength of womanhood is arising, where there is a company of women realising that through authenticity, through facing weakness, by not being afraid of failure, they can step out and bring their uniqueness to their place in the world.

A company of women is arising.

A strength of womanhood, that is not saying that they are better or stronger than their male counterparts, they are just not content anymore with quietening themselves to make others happy.

A breadth of womanhood who is not filling their days with gossip and strife, but stepping out into places of breakthrough where they begin to live the life they have silently dreamed of.

Women who write with courage.

Women who speak with conviction.

Women who are not afraid of their submitted power.

Women who do not compare themselves with other women and pull them down in their moment of victory.

These are the thoughts that have been consuming me of late, thoughts of encouraging a sound from women who have been suppressed, abused, beaten and accused.

I feel so compelled to help you to find your voice again. Helping you to speak a little louder, to not be afraid of the shout that is forming in your chest, to speak out what has been plaguing you and to bring your finest expression to your perspective.

To implore you towards counsellors, pastors, prayer and perspective. To inspire you about going back to university if that has been on your mind and saying yes to the opportunities to speak out.

To like loudly when I see your posts on Facebook of the new initiatives, books, blogs and creative pursuits that are filling your days.

To write here bravely and keep sending my manuscripts to publishers, asking that doors be open, because every time a door opens for me, it opens a space for those who follow my heart and life. 

Every time a door opens, it means that new opportunities for those closest and those who comment, those who engage, those who are a part of my tribe. We walk into these new places and lands together.

It confuses me sometimes when women struggle to celebrate a friends release into a new season, opportunity or accomplishment. Every time we are filled with rage, jealousy, comparison or competition, we exclude ourselves from the absolute joy and satisfaction of revelling in another achieving what they have dreamed of.

I declare this new day to be here. A day when we help each other find our voices and not shut each other down. That we dance when our tribe wins a victory and we mourn when they are weakened in battle.

A company of creative women is rising.

A group of uncommon poets and artisans.

Women who live surrendered to the power of community and seeing the company of womanhood win, rather than the individual teared down. Women who start to write, write, write until their hands ache and their heart sweats from the intentionality of their focus. Women who desire greatly to serve with their whole hearts and follow it up with the tone and tension in their words. Women who design differently, who bring a fresh voice of committed dedication, women who strive to lay down their ego and listen to anothers dreams.

A company of women who believe for greater days, pray for breakthrough like never before and a people who are so deeply aware that life is so very fragile and short.

Women who are the same tenure at the school gate, as they are in their church bathroom stalls, women who see the pain in another woman’s eyes and rock up at their front door with a meal cooked for their children. Women who create without fear of being criticised by her gang, but cheered on for taking a step and expressing the pearls that lay dormant in the depths of her person.

Women who encourage honestly and cheer loudly.

Women who say sorry but not for being born.

Women who find strength when they lift another and speak out for the injustice that plagues societies core.

Women who raise young women who are not afraid to be different.

Women who find what they were created for, even when life has made them forget.

Passion is writhing in my soul, to see this company of women find their voices and their way again.

Twenty sixteen, you have my attention.

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Is your dream big enough?

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Dwellingup |  Photo: Amanda Viviers

We were shopping for something very specific, school shoes, school bags, you know the painstaking trip. My three year old became fixated on a pair of shoes that didn’t really match my idea of what was school efficient, plus they were a size and probably a half too big, with no smaller options. A meltdown was ensuing on both sides of the Mummy and Max team, with Libby slowly pulling anything within reach off the shelves.

This was the beautiful background context to today’s inspiring story.

We were one month old in launching our new business Maximus & Liberty, we were one week out of the craziness of a last minute trip to New Zealand and my patience was thin from the pain of growth and living a life inspired.

In fact, I was probably regretting taking courageous risks, more than I was feeling the beauty of our newborn dream realised.

Have you ever had those days.

Days of regret?

Days with overwhelmed feelings of “what have we done”?

Days when you realise that your friends and family are asking the exact same question without whispering the words out loud?

Dreams awakening are not for the faint hearted, it is easy to come up with ideas, but to actually have the courage to take the risk and have a go, that is next level faith. Back to Target and our school shopping expedition and what happened next.

As we walked past the linen and home wares aisle, my husband pulled a throw pillow off the shelf and threw it casually into our school themed trolley. I looked at him, not much was said between us, until I got home and I rolled my eyes.

As much as I live my life seeking and drawing out inspiration, there are days when another quote is just not what I need.

The pillow said this…

If you dream big enough anything can come true.

Some days lately I have wanted to throw the pillow out of our window.

Living an intentional life, living a life where you are designing the type of future of your dreams is not the kind of life for the fearful.

We were sitting in church on the weekend and our pastor spoke a message that challenged every regret in our today. His words were steeped in faith and expectation. He spoke about courage and taking risks, it was the exact message we needed to hear.

Courage to take risks,

Courage in wisdom,

Courage to take the steps necessary to live the life you have dreamed of.

It reminded us of a message we heard from Erwin McManus last year when he made this profound statement;

One of the great ironies is that most people do not think of themselves as artists or believe that they are creative.  Yet we all have dreams and aspirations.  We all have, if only as a quiet whisper, a voice within our souls calling us to awaken our creative essence.   Too often the voice calling us to embrace our artisan soul is overshadowed by all the voices that tell us we are less.

Most people have been diminished by the voices that have silenced their childlike wonder and faith.  Here, by the way, is a good measure for when you are hearing the voice of God- God never makes you less human; He always make you most fully and beautifully human.

True courage takes great risk.

The future does not belong to the faint hearted, it belongs to the brave.

Ronald Regan

Every day that I see that pillow sitting on the chair in the corner of our lounge room, it is like a beacon of hope to my soul and it implores me to take heart and courage stepping into the brilliance of God’s plans for our future.

Are your dreams big enough my friend?

Or can you do them without hope and help?

If your dreams are not scaring you, then maybe they are so achievable that you are making them safe and therefore God-less.

Step out and dream brave my friends.

Take risks and have courage to actually act today on the dreams that lie dormant.

Pick up that manuscript,

Type that blog,

Put on those exercise clothes,

Step into the great unknown,

Pull out that camera,

Write that book proposal,

Contact that person,

Step forward with what you have in your hands today, even if it is very, very small.

Be bold and courageous, your future self will thank you.

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