Author: Amanda Viviers

If you have been reading this series from the beginning, you may be mistaken if you think ‘The in-between’ is a negative place. Our society, our politicians, our schools, our churches, our parents and our history books, all place emphasis on the seasons in our lives when we “achieve something”.

Seasons that hold definition in our hands, when we answer the question “What do you do?” with a clear and concise answer.

I do believe we need a sense of purpose to navigate our days with strength. I have found that once in a life time days bring height and depth to the rhythm of my life. Like that day when I got my BA from University and it signified the times that I pulled through and actually finished something. That day when I signed a mortgage to buy a little beach shack by myself, clarifying all the saving, hoping and trusting. That day when I held my son in my arms, with tears that flowed for all the days I was told I would never be a Mother.

Big days do matter.

But, the big days do not define the summation of our lives.

There are many more inconsequential ones, than there are big ones.

When we allow the definition of our days to define us, we live vicariously through the emotions that the days represent.

If you have assumed, that because I sense a season of transition in my life, that I am unsatisfied in being a stay at home Mum, you are wrong.

Everything about this season of Novice Motherhood is deeply stained with everyday miracles and the awakening of beauty.

I am not wishing these days away, waiting for the next.

I am not hoping that someone would transport me into the future.

I am soaking up every delicious early morning kiss and tantrum that challenges me.

You see, I am no longer defined by your descriptions of me, like I was in the past.

When I write creative person; most of us assume weird, crazy and fringe.

When I speak about teachers; there is a type that categorises those who gather our children to learn.

When I say accountant; society places a stereotype of glasses, beige pants and frugality.

When I reference single mother; assumptions cloud our view assuming the mistakes they have made.

When I hang out with a homosexual person; so many judgements and prejudices have already been assumed.

When I think about priests; popular culture and story after story of terrible acts creates our picture of them.

The most amazing opportunity in our in-between season though, is to break from free the categories we are placed in and revolutionise them by breaking the boxes that humanity tries to fit us into.

The in-between is actually the most liberating place.

I am one hundred percent content in describing myself as a “Stay at home Mum”

At the same time I can describe myself as a “Writer”

I could describe myself as a “Pastor or Preacher”

I could say that I am a “Creative Consultant”

I could write a “Social Media Ninja”

I am also “Head Cheer Leader for Team V” and “Head Chef at Villa La Shack”…

The list goes on and on.

The greatest lie that the in-between tries to convince us of, is that our titles, our prefixes, our assumptions; define us.

I am whispering to you loudly…they do not.

Whether you have a title, whether you have a degree, whether you are a parent, whether you are divorced, whether you are forgotten, lost, broken, forsaken; a title does not give you worth.

That’s why I laugh openly when people introduce themselves or describe people by their job description and create a hierarchy of worth.

In the circles that I hang out with often there is a priority of what people do in association to their titles.

Number one; speaker, preacher, pastor, executive… the list goes on.

Number two; missionary, emergent thinker, futurist, author, speaker…

Number three; doctor, university lecturer, theologian and musician.

And then everyone else.

When you introduce yourself with any of the above titles, an immediate assumption is made about how cool you are. How hard core you are. How amazing your life must be.

A life to be revered.

What about the single Mum, who has raised five amazing citizens?

What about the barista that feeds their homeless bestie every morning as they open up their cafe?

What about the social media maverick who is communicating to hundreds of thousands of phones with hope and purpose?

You see Job descriptions actually do not describe the worth of our life.

We can find satisfaction in them, but we are constantly dissatisfied from them because seasons change, we change, we become.

The title Mum does not define me.

It totally amazes me, but I am doing my absolute best to not let it contain me. I am present to the season it avails me, but I will not let it hold me back from bringing my very best and a sense of purpose to my future.

My kids are not my job description they are my absolute priority, they are a part of me, they are my finest hour.

They are not asking me to stop being me though.

They compel me to bring forth my greatest work.

 

The questions we ask ourselves in seasons of transition are more important than any decision we make. Every question we ask, demands an answer. We think, we ponder, we control, we naturally do everything we can to find safety.

There is nothing safe about change.

It brings out every insecurity, it re-surfaces moments of broken trust, change digs deep into the recess of our souls and leaves us asking why?

It doesn’t matter whether you thrive on change or not, it demands attention from our soul and asks that we reorientate ourselves back to safer shores.

It is like we are hardwired for place;

home.

comfort.

safety.

belonging.

Change mixes up every part of our worlds and it takes time to surrender to its call.

My husband and I spent a large proportion of today dreaming. You can’t step out of an atmosphere like SPARC and come back to your everyday the same.

We drove, we planned, we brainstormed, we called real estate agents, we looked at property, we explored.

One part of my heart was expectant and excited about the amazing possibilities for our tomorrow. The other part of my person was quaking with fear.

This was the question that revelled in my deepest place;

“But what if we fail?”

I tried to answer that question with statements such as;

“It’s only money.”

“At least we can say we lived on the edge”

“The creative ride will be worth it, no matter the result”

Another question cheekily raised its hand though and whispered;

“Oh my darling, but what if you fly?”

We need wisdom, we need accountability in our in-between times when we step out to wider shores, but nothing spectacular is pulled off without a huge amount of risk.

That is what is so amazing about the in-between, if we surrender to unsafe thoughts, if we dream vivid dreams, if we loosen the control, if we seek a greater perspective, if we dare to become all that we have the capacity to become, we might just do something that changes the world.

We need a fair amount of courage as a couple right now.

We need a deep soaking of grace.

We need friends who will believe in us, when we are not sure that we believe anymore.

Last weekend at the conference Erwin Mc Manus said this;

“If you don’t feel afraid, you are not living a big enough life.”

We are feeling pretty scared right now.

And that is the power of the in-between.