Author: Amanda Viviers

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she is trusted by those closest to her…

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Trust is such a loaded word.

It is layered by memories filled with disappointment, unmet expectations and dysfunction.

Have you ever said I trust you, but really on the inside you are reeling?

Wisdom tells us that we are to live lives that produce trust in the relationships of those close by us, even when we feel like our trust has been broken.

Can you be serious wisdom?

Proverb 31: 11-12

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good not harm, all the days of her life.

One of the greatest gifts I have been given in the early days of marriage, is partnership with someone who always believes the best in me. My husband is a man of few words but he remains firmly planted in the moment and when he speaks it is always about a situation that is present rather than difficulty that has passed. I am learning that a life of wisdom is a consistent one.

A routine filled with similarity can bring with it boredom but a life full of hope, built on a foundation of wisdom produces trust. We call our family unit a team. Not because it is something that we heard someone cute say once and we wanted to copy, it is a deep commitment to each other that we are all playing together towards the end goal of living a deeply satisfying life of contribution.

When my husband is working long hours, he trusts and knows that the rest of his team is at home, safe and backing him in his pursuit of provision. When I am out speaking and mentoring people, I know that my little partners in creative crime are home safe and sound, living out the beauty of a messy life.

We work together to bring good. We are not in competition with one another. We listen, we care and we are deeply positive about the potential of what we can do when our hearts and values live aligned.

One of the greatest way that trust erodes, is a family that is constant in its attack of one another. Where words become weapons and no matter what happens the attack is quarrelsome and fierce.

Proverb 27: 15- 16

A quarrelsome wife is annoying as constant as dripping on a rainy day.

Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.

Have you ever tried to hold something of worth with greasy hands?

It is terrifying. That’s what it feels like to live a life with someone who is always on the defence. Someone who is attacking everything and without even knowing is trying desperately to pull down any sense of achievement in the family unit because competition, jealousy and emotional dysfunction in the unit is rife. Trust cannot be built in this environment.

Do you long for an environment of peace in your household?

What are your expectations doing to the atmosphere?

Is your internal peace destabilising the core of your team?

When you live your lives quarrelling, when there are always unmet expectations, trust cannot be built. If you long to live in an atmosphere where those closest to you can clearly say they trust you reciprocally, then maybe a little clean out of expectations and quarrels may be required in this season.

Trust is built, it is not given.

Click here for the next post in my series She knows her worth.

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she sees

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In the month of June I wrote at the top of my family calendar ‘Have eyes that see’. My Grandmother who is 93 years young, has pretty much lost her sight, so I know what it is like for someone really close to me to live with eyes that are compromised. A sense that we often take for granted, becomes truly life changing when it is lost.

The funny thing is wherever we go, my Grandma knows exactly where we are. She gives me directions, she tells me off for using my phone whilst driving, her sense of hearing, touch and taste are refined so well, that she is totally present.

My grandma see’s, but not too well with her physical eyes.

She perceives.

Sometimes to the point that she is scary.

The quote I wrote at the top of my family calendar hanging in our kitchen, had more to do with my perceiving as a woman of wisdom rather than what I was visually focusing on in my days.

I love this quote from Camille Pissaro;

Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places, where other people see nothing.

In my days of Novice Motherhood I am surrounded by many humble things. Moments when I try to wish away the tantrums and usher in better days. Wisdom is teaching me however, to find beauty in the messy moments, to laugh when all I want to do is cry, to look for other people who are struggling and to find blessing in my weakness.

Each and everyone of us have humble moments.

Bank balances that cause fear and trembling as the eftpos card is awaiting its acceptance,

Misunderstandings between family members that make us feel small,

Even winter in its weather, that stops us from reaching out from the walls of our homes that shut us out from our neighbours.

Humility

Isolation

Depression

Disappointments

I love the depth of this proverb

Proverbs 31: 20

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

This picture of a woman of wisdom is so open, fresh and inviting.

She doesn’t just throw money at those who are less fortunate to her, she throws wide open her whole self and extends her hands, practically to make a difference.

Not only do I want to live a life where I open my arms and hands to those who are financially hard shipped, I want to see those who are lonely, I want to find beauty for those who have lost their hope, I want to walk with people who are a little lost and looking for their home.

I truly want to see.

I don’t want to stand alongside the lady at the playground with my head in my phone.

I don’t want to stare off into the distance in the shopping queue, tapping my foot, asking the lady to hurry.

I don’t want to miss moments with my children, when they learn something new or are struggling.

I want to see.

How about you?

Are you so full with noise on the inside of your story, that you are unable to see another’s pain?

This my friend is the call of wisdom.

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Day nine click here: She is trusted by those closest to her…

 

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she sows

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Whether you believe that scripture is divine or not, the simple principle of sowing and reaping is obviously profound. We plant a seed; it grows a tree, we encourage a child; they believe they can do crazy things, we treat someone with respect; the favour is returned.

Sowing.

Reaping.

Simple; Wisdom.

What about those seasons of sowing however, that we feel like we are far from reaping?

What about the times when we feel like everything is going to pot and the flowers don’t seem to want to bloom?

Wisdom says keep sowing.

Keep on, keeping on.

Pull out the weeds, water the garden and keep going.

Proverbs Thirty one says it this way…

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

Not only is she sassy enough in a culture that women were supposedly housebound to go out and buy some property, she knew that the best way to reap a harvest from her resource was to plant a vineyard.

A vineyard that much wine would be produced from, in days to come. (And who says that God is a killjoy?) Then she sets about working hard, vigorously, strengthening her arms for the tasks ahead.

She worked hard.

She sowed sweat, blood and tears.

She went about doing good for the days that were to come.

When I hear people talk about the same issues in their life over and over, often my thought is this ‘You are reaping today, what you sowed yesterday.’ We cannot keep doing the same things over and over and then find ourselves complaining about the outcomes and the disappointments in our days. We need to make wise choices to sow great seed in this season, so that we can reap the benefit of what is to come.

What are you sowing today for tomorrow?

Are you sowing humility? or arrogance and pride?

Do you want to write a book? Then what are you writing today?

Do you want a brilliant business in the future? Then what are you doing today to build your profile, skills and opportunity?

Are you sowing a victim mentality saying it’s everyones else’s fault? or taking time to process what is happening in your days and what is your part in the scenario?

Are you sowing forgiveness? or are you sowing conflict?

We each sow many seeds into our today that will grow beautiful, leafy tree’s and then sometimes bad, off fruit in our tomorrow.

Wisdom says to plant great seeds of promise in our today and suddenly one day we will be walking through of forrest of greatness, so amazed at the great dreams that are coming into fruition and we will look back remembering the days when we made hard decisions and sacrificed, so we could reap tomorrow.

Proverbs 20:4

The sluggard does not plow after the autumn, So he begs during the harvest and has nothing.

Proverbs 10:5

He who gathers in summer is a son who acts wisely, But he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully.

Proverbs 22:8

He who sows iniquity will reap vanity, And the rod of his fury will perish.

Proverbs 11:18

The wicked earns deceptive wages, But he who sows righteousness gets a true reward.

Wisdom sows,

and reaps great rewards.

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Day Eight Click here: She sees

 

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she smiles at the future

she smiles at the future

“She seemed to know, to accept, to welcome her position, the citadel of the family, the strong place that could not be taken. And since old Tom and the children could not know hurt or fear unless she acknowledged hurt or fear, she had practiced denying them in herself. And since, when a joyful thing happened, they looked to see whether joy was on her, it was her habit to build laughter out of inadequate materials. She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall.”

John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath

Never before have I known how much my disposition affects those around me, as I do today. The processing of emotions and finding ways to express myself have always been deeply connected to my levels of satisfaction, but lately I am seeing that the tone of my soul affects many.

When I am centred, when I am strong, when I am peaceful it directly changes the pace and ease of my family. When I am unsettled, disappointed, distracted it also affects the people closest to me. Whether the emotion is positive or negative, destructive or encouraging, my family walk the journey with me.

Lately I have been reflecting on a couple of situations that happened when each of my babies were really little. One of the encounters happened when Max was less than one and the second when Libby was a baby as well. Whether it was the season of sleeplessness or just a time when I was caught off guard, but in both situations I reacted in ways that I am far from proud of.

Both situations happened when I was justified to react, but I am learning that taking the higher road and responding with grace is the best way to deal with difficulties. Even when we are wronged, even when all we want to do is give someone a piece of our mind. (These were not moments of needing to speak up for injustice, these were moments of conflict when I just let my words fly.) Moments that I am unable to undo, because they were with people I don’t see very often.

Almost strangers.

You know those people that come into our days who we know from circumstance and then something happens and they are indelibly etched into our souls.

Both of these situations in the vulnerability of novice motherhood have really changed me.

I think about them often.

I grieve the words that were spoken.

Both situations keep me locked in a holding pattern, where I felt like I was treated unfairly, but at the same time I didn’t respond with wisdom either. (Oh sleep deprived motherhood you are a treat.)

Emotions.

Words.

Conflict.

Difference.

Misunderstanding.

They keep us contained.

Proverbs 31: 25 “Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.”

These situations made me feel far from strong or dignified, I got down to other people’s level and rolled around in the proverbial mud. They played dirty and I threw some mud back. The problem with these kind of encounters, that even if we are justified, we are brought down to the level of the person slinging lies and names. Maturity is thrown out the window and shame sneaks in the back door and locks us in the feelings of the disagreement.

Although the words of forgiveness have long since been muttered from my heart, I still find myself replaying the conversation in my head, trying to find a new way to reframe it.

I get stuck because questions like this roll through my mind…

How do I let go of a situation that I don’t have the opportunity to process and reframe the words that can’t be erased?

I was treated badly and they are not going to apologise, so how do I let it go?

We forgive, but the feelings and the words have marked us.

The wisdom I have gained from this verse of scripture is this; Strength and dignity become our clothing when we take the higher ground and no matter what is happening in the midst of conflict, we hold back and refrain.

Maturity is marked with the disposition of peace, when everything within you wants to rage.

I read this quote

“Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act your feelings within the bounds of dignity. The measure of your maturity is how spiritual you become during the midst of your frustrations.”

Ouch.

Bam.

My head hurts.

Romans 12: 14-18 says this

“Emotional maturity is demonstrated by how kindly we treat those who mistreat or misunderstand us.”

The crazy part of this cycle is this; So many of the emotions I am reacting to, feeling, overwhelmed by today are connected with things that have happened in the past.

A woman of wisdom and strength however smiles at the future, knowing that better days are to come.

The more I process my disappointments, hurts and bitterness that I have experienced in days gone by, the more I am able to look up and have hope that the best is yet to come.

I am able to smile at the future, when I stand with strength and dignity in the midst of the days that really wanted to take me out.

Lots of big thoughts, roaming my heart and soul today.

Thats what happens when I start to dig deep and search for wisdom, it begins to reveal those parts of my life that need correction.

And seriously it doesn’t feel nice.

I don’t need to stay in that place though.

I can move beyond and learn, grow and say with confidence that I will laugh at the future without fear.

Speak tomorrow

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Day Seven Click here: She sows

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she contributes

 

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she contributes two

 

Proverb 31: 19 She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.

If any book shows us the partnership in a household, it is the book of proverbs. A quick read of the verse above and you would think the writer is confining one party to the domestic duties in the home and the other to the real work in the marketplace. A much broader read and look, shows a woman who is savvy in all forms of business, who contributes significantly to her household and is deeply involved in all affairs including business and finance.

She is a maker.

She is a hard worker.

She contributes significantly to the overall wellbeing of her brood.

Before I became a Mum, I had so many lofty ideas of what it meant to be a ‘stay at home mum’. Before I had children, I would have clearly told you I would be going back to work after 6 months of being with my baby and had such strong opinions of what marriage partnership looked like.

Enter reality.

After six months of being home with my little boy, I knew I was not meant to go back to work and I needed to reform all those impressions of what marriage and motherhood looked like, reforming essentially the very core of my identity.

I realised that novice motherhood completely turned my worth and value ideals upside down and I had to reform my sense of self, outside of my career. These last few years have been the most revealing and the hardest days of my life.

Am I glad I faced these dark crevices of my soul though?

Absolutely.

I have come out of this novice season, realising that yes my worth is founded in so much more than what I do, but at the same time, I am deeply satisfied when I bring wisdom and contribution to places and people outside of my home.

I love to contribute.

I love to feel like I am part of a bigger story.

Every time I write, knit, sew, paint, teach, mentor, create, I feel deeply satisfied, because the journey of making something from not much is deeply ingrained in the way that we as women communicate.

We process as we make.

We focus as we create.

We connect our thoughts to our kinaesthetic touch when we create.

We contribute significantly.

Although I often look at this website hoping it could be so much more, I think about my photos, I grieve my grammar, I long for hours of quiet writing and moments of deep contemplation without a child scaling my thighs, I know a day will come when I will look back at these days and know they were transformative because I have surrendered to their anonymity.

Whether you are a working mum, who is doing her very best to provide for the needs of her household or a mum who is mostly at home, finding ways to contribute significantly beyond, it deeply changes our perspective and outlook.

You were born to contribute.

Your were designed to work hard and bring your best to inspire others.

Every time we see our purpose connected with another, we live a life that is deeply satisfying.

Are you feeling unsatisfied?

Maybe reviewing and refining the way you are contributing to others and your household, will realign your sense of perspective and help you see ways that you can live more engaged in your season.

Speak tomorrow,

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Day Six click here: She smiles at the future