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When we stop comparing, competing and manipulating with one another the future is female


Photo: Other Wild

I have just come from a quick catch up with an 80-year-old, a 50 something-year-old and my 40-year-old self. As I sat quietly watching the interactions unfold, I realised quickly that the opportunities available to my generation have been graciously given from those who have gone before.

There is a rising across the earth today and it is a gift to my daughter’s generation. There is a cry that is unveiling with clarity, that echoes from the wisdom of those who have gone before. There is a confidence that is beaming, from generations who have spoken out on our behalf.

The future is female and no I’m not a raving feminist. Hilary Clinton recently said “The future is female” and the prophetic nature of this statement has been reverberating ever since.

I am a Mum, who is committed to finding her way through the weary weight of expectations, to release and find a voice for those who are coming behind me.

I am dedicated to being the woman I needed when I was a teenager searching for someone who understood.

I am a friend who is showing up, despite my own weariness and cynicism.

I am a wife who is determined that my voice rising, will not silence or distance my husbands, but together we will hold hands and walk towards our tomorrow.

Our online social world has created a platform that brings with it an amazing weight of responsibility. As we casually scroll through the highlight reels of each other’s lives, we are inspired to live with courage like never before.

But the difficult part of this square shaped filtered world, is we don’t see the text message battles that shadow our courage. We don’t see the tears, that stain the beautifully ironed linen pillow cases and we don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt, in the midst of our questions.

The stranger on the internet; she is not your competition.

The friend who has what you have been waiting for; she carries a burden you know nothing about.

The wife who wears the latest fashion; she waits patiently hoping that her attention to detail will be noticed.

The entrepreneur who has launched another business; she is hungry and tired, praying for a break away from it all.

The pastor who disappoints you so often; she is doing the very best she knows how.

The leader who looks like she has it all together; stands in front of her wardrobe wondering whether she can dress for another day.

The writer who published once again; she sits in agony with a studio full of books wondering what she is even doing with her life.

The sister who seems so confident and sure; she drags herself up in the morning hoping that coffee will soothe her anxious heart.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Wendy Mass

Today as we celebrate International Women’s day, it is hard to ignore the rise that is dawning.

Wholehearted, Tender Warriors, Friend Keepers, Cheerleaders, Truth-Makers, Way Finders.

“Now more than ever, we need to ‘Be Bold’. We need strong women to step up and speak out. We need you to dare greatly and lead boldly.”

“So please, set an example for every woman and girl out there, who’s worried about what the future holds and wonders whether our rights, opportunities and values will endure.”

“And remember, you are the heroes and history makers, the glass ceiling breakers of the future.”

Hilary Clinton.

The Future Is Female. Step away from the comparison, step aside from competition and step over manipulation. When we create space and room for each other, everybody wins.

Amanda Viviers

My latest book “Dear Single Self” is available to buy here today.


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gather with those who care…


The world can be a cold and unforgiving place.

Agenda’s thrive, people disappoint, we feel misunderstood, speak a different language and seek to be heard.

If I just post one more post, share one more thought, filter one more image, then maybe someone, anyone might notice.

Last night I gathered with a group of women.

Creative souls who have a penchant to wander.

Women in midst of transitions.

Frustrated, emancipated, unsure, belittled, hopeful, idealistic, creative souls.

Girls who have not given up hope, but the thread is unravelling.

The lonely who need to know there is someone who will listen.

An environment that is not based on competence, but founded in inspiration.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

Brené Brown

Who doesn’t want to live an inspired life?

I know I do, but inspiration leaks.

I start off so focused, then the berry stains on my new cushion trip me up and I give up on the possibility that I will ever do anything of substance again.

We all need our tribe.

We all need people in our lives that we can be completely honest with face to face.

Not through a screen, not through a speaker phone, we need to sit in complete honesty in front of someone who cares.

The kinaesthetic lover inside our souls needs to be touched.

The inspiration factory is awaiting more fuel to tick over once again.

We need each other.

Even if we are afraid to admit it.

I felt a reassurance that the purpose of last night was far beyond the gathering that was present.

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Isaiah 43: 19

Later this year we are running a retreat for creative women looking for an authentic community that will support, collaborate, love and live honestly.

Bloggers, photographers, entrepreneurs, singers, speakers, radio hosts, journalists, painters, writers and list goes on and on.

Last night we gathered to meet and greet, so that the first night of the retreat, is not full of comparison and competition.

It was sublime.

I could hardly sleep when I snuck into the shack after midnight.

Food, creativity, spoken word, honesty, original songs.

The heartfelt conversations whispered to me “welcome home.”

To gather is at the very foundation of our hope for belonging.

Step away from the computer in your in-between and find someone who cares.


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she keeps things simple

she keeps things simple

Have you ever been in a situation with a friend and a little thought has gone through your mind, man she is making this way more complicated than it needs to be?

As women, we have the capacity to make very simple things extremely complex.


In our careers,

Our own sense of self worth and confidence.

I am realising the times that I become complex, are those times when I overthink things. My expectations are often the quickest ways I make my days full of disappointment and fear. Worry takes place of peace in my internal world and life just becomes heavy.

We live in a tiny two bedroom apartment, which means our nearly one year old and our three and a half year old share a little room. There are somedays, that I get very overwhelmed by our lack of storage but other day it propels me into a culling frenzy, that I never regret.

Every time I give something away, there is something so satisfying because my world becomes a little simpler. When I overthink it, when I become too nostalgic and I give stuff more power than people. It is then that my world starts to feel complex and overwhelming.

It is quite a practical side of wisdom, but I know the more I have, the more overwhelmed I feel. The less I have in my environment, the more peaceful I feel. Just the other day I was thinking, what if I just had two towels per person in my household?

What if each person only had three pairs of pants, three t-shirts, three jumpers?

What if we weren’t allowed to have more than three of everything?

Every time we simplify our surroundings, I have less washing, I have less to clean, I have less to pack away…

Life becomes simpler.

The external of our worlds mirrors the internal and a woman of wisdom knows this.

Proverb 4: 23

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.

A woman of wisdom takes stock of her thoughts and culls, cleans and measures their content.

Is life feeling complex lately?

Maybe a little spring clean and re-arranging of our worrying, thinking and pondering needs to occur.

This my friend is the call of wisdom.

Tomorrows post link can be found here: She is slow to anger


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she guards her heart above all else

Shoalwater Island
Shoalwater, Penguin Island

We went for a big walk today, to shake off the mornings cobwebs. Even though we walked far and wide, we knew our way home, as it was a path we have walked many times before.

The path a well worn part of our weekly routine as a family. Along the way is our favourite park, little sights and sounds we have grown to love, in fact we can talk the whole way and not ever get lost, the path leads us home.


One of my all time favourite proverbs is this one;

Proverb 4: 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Do you feel confused about the path you are walking in your life?

Are you unable to find the path that leads you home?

Instead of looking for directions towards your purpose or dreams, wisdom would ask you how is the state of your heart?

Another version of this proverb says that “our heart is the wellspring of life.”

It is like everything we do, everything that we are and everything that we long to be, flow up and out of the artisan spring of our heart.

If we are full of anger and bitterness, it flavours and impacts our direction and life.

If our heart is clouded by pride and arrogance, it shrouds the potential of the course of our days.

If we have not processed grief or strife it changes the tone of our days.

Sometimes the impact is not felt in the immediate season, but as we orientate ourselves towards the designs of our future, we start to venture off course.

Our heart and its condition impacts every single area of our life.

It affects the people we meet, the friends we make, the opportunities that come our way, something so small can filter the entirety of our being.

A woman of wisdom knows that the internal voice that leads and guides her needs to be retuned every so often.

A woman of leadership knows that she needs a group of safe and deep friendships that she can keep unpacking and processing the hardening of her heart.

A woman of strength is vulnerable enough to speak honestly about the condition of her internal world and ask for help when she needs it.

One of the greatest pursuits of my days, is to filter, process and work through that which is getting a little stuck in my internal worlds.

It reorientates me back to the path that sometimes feels overgrown and hidden, giving me a sense of direction towards the days I was designed to live.

I think finding the path again is as simple as getting quiet, meditating, reflecting, talking, processing, listening, thinking, finding, seeking the condition of our internal worlds, then slowly the course of our days becomes very clear.

The proverb goes on to list ways that our hearts easily become compromised;

Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”

If your path seems unclear, today’s thought would be this, why don’t you dig a little deeper and look at the condition of your heart?

It may just reveal more than you expect.

To read the next day in the series click here: She shares her stuff


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she’s not your competition

shes not your competitionIn the world of creativity and even more so in motherhood I am overwhelmed at the amount of people that strive endlessly to compete with one another.

Who ever told you that they were your competition?

We were never designed to compete with each other, we were designed to find our own patch and make it thrive.

Comparison, competition and bitchy behaviour (yes I said it) is so rife in the instgram, mummy- blogging online world.

Why compare?

Why not just find your unique, celebrate and encourage another and run with it.

I am not interested in bringing others down so I can feel better about myself.

Competition is not healthy.

I think competition is terribly destructive.

Two of my greatest friends, who I worked with for over a decade, published a book recently called ‘She’s not your competition.’ I posted this today, because I am preparing to speak at a single women’s event tomorrow with Penny. My message is called ‘She is kind’ and Penny’s message is called ‘She is brilliant’.

We started a women’s network around this time last year called Kinwomen. It is completely flourishing, because at its core it is all about women celebrating one another, rather than pulling each other down.

They are the two fabulous women who mentored and lead me for so many years. They have always released me and championed me, never showed any signs of being threatened by my ideas or my creativity.

Their book is for sale now on my website. For no other reason than I think its great. I’m not making money from it, I just want everyone to live a more released life competition and comparison free.

Join the kinwomen conversation today.

I think Penny and Kelley are fantastic and I am a better woman today because of the way they made a way for me to flourish.

Do you live your life comparing yourself with others?

Are you constantly wanting to pull others down and compete endlessly?

Through instagram/ pinterest/ facebook/ blogs or in real life?

Then maybe its time to stop and face the reality that it is super destructive.

She is not your competition.