Author: Amanda Viviers

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fighting addiction

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My name is Amanda and I have an addictive personality.

The thought of having one coffee and then getting on with my day is foreign. If I like something I want more of it and quickly it becomes a crutch, a place of weakness, an addiction.

Last Easter, I fell in love with a little rabbit. Something so small, that every shop and every checkout seemed to be calling my name. This bunny taunted me. At the petrol station, at cafes, it was everywhere. You could be mistaken to think that this little childish dessert was innocent, but I found them to be evil.

The dessert that has plagued my lenten dreams was this little rabbit. Twenty two thousand people agree with me, that the Cadbury Cream Egg no longer reigns supreme as the Easter bunnies competitor, the malt laden bunny has taken over the race.

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Whether it be coffee, or a fresh loaf of bread from the oven or a Malteaser Bunny at this time of the year, I am trying my best to live a healthier everyday. One of my biggest goals this year is to loose my pregnancy weight.

Healthily.

Full stop.

I stood at the chemist last week and stared at the aisle of diet shakes, reading them intensely wanting to believe the promises they heralded. I wanted a quick fix, a get-the-ball rolling, helping hand. I walked the beach with my man today and we talked about this area of weakness in my life. We talked, we stretched, we exercised.

He reminded me of the pact I had made with myself, earlier this year. He reminded me of the promise. That I would make small changes. Good changes. I would find the areas of addiction in my world and say no to the bunny. I would not make these changes out of a place of negativity and lack, but to pursue health as a great lifestyle choice, that will never end.

I’m not dieting.

I’m not even going to say no to the bunny for good.

But I am facing the areas where emotional eating have become routine and making choices to choose wisely.

What areas of addiction are you facing?

Is it that late night dessert or the whole packet of biscuits?

Is it throwing up after a meal?

Is it a sneaky cigarette?

Is it one or two or maybe four glasses of wine every night?

I ask these questions, not because I want to intrude. I ask these questions, not to evoke shame.

I ask these questions because I struggle too. Being a mumma is hard. Being single is harder. Being alone is ugly sometimes. It is these days that we need community and friends to ask questions that healthily bring us back to a place of equilibrium.

A place of peace.

Best place to start is admitting it to yourself and the greatest, bravest step towards recovery is admitting it to someone else.

Be brave,

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the changing face of friendship

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There is always a time for everything. As one season drifts into another, I find myself reminiscing the old season but hungering for the new.

I love Summer, the long nights, the beach walks, the brilliant sunsets, the days spent in our swimwear hour upon hour. Although Summer makes me smile, I love winter as well. The crochet, the open fires, the slippers, hot water bottles, deep breaths in the morning that fill your lungs with freshness. Winter.

The darker months at my beach shack can be just as enchanting as the hotter ones. Some winters we spend more days at the beach than our January’s. The sun is less brutal, the wind is less fierce and winter is a little more forgiving here.

Personally, I don’t struggle to let go of physical seasons. I love Autumn, the colours. I adore Spring, its potential. Every season woo’s me with it’s beauty.

I do struggle to let go of seasons of friendship however. I grapple to know when the season asks me to dig deep and hold on. Then I wonder whether the time is asking me to give up gracefully. I have kind of always been a super-loyal person, who believes that everyone can be and should be friends over decades rather than years. I struggle to give up on people. I see the best. I ignore the unmet phone calls. I love deeply.

The older I am getting though, the more I am realising, that the best of companions on the journey, are the ones who embrace the season you find yourself in and not try to take you out of it. They take note of the season, they celebrate it and not try to remove you from it and sometimes people are just unable to go the distance, and that is okay.

The season I am currently in, is so different to my former one. If I continually tried to be the person I was a few seasons ago, I would not be able to plant myself and grow in the place I am currently in. I would miss the moments, I would escape the kisses in the early morning hours even though 4am cannot possibly ever be legal, I would let someone else raise my babes.

One of the best gifts we can give our friends, is acknowledgement of their season. Reminding them to keep moving forward and not get stuck in places, they were not designed to remain in.

This whole year, I have been saying over and over to myself. ‘New Days, New Ways.’ I want to be a friend who is aware of the new in my closest friends seasons and encourage it, embrace it, even applaud it.

Let’s not be the kind of friends that compete and compare, holding each other captive in a season that has past. Let’s move forward into the new and embrace the tone of the season. Personally and corporately, together.

One of my favourite poems is from the book of Ecclesiastes…

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What is your current season?

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I’ve been a little reckless…

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 (Artwork: Jessica Le Clerc)

Somedays we just need to throw caution into the wind and run crazily after our dreams.

Say yes.

Figure out how later.

Have a go.

A few weeks ago I sat in a coffee shop with this amazing soul as we embarked upon a creative journey together. A retreat, a reflection, an opportunity to collaborate. We had met once at a SPARC gathering, clicked and a new friendship formed.

Back to the coffee shop, in the midst of our dreaming and imagining together she described a weekend, a gathering of creative creatures, who would encourage and inspire one another to do greater exploits. As she described the event she had dreamed of, details right down to the exact location, people who would speak, a little smile crept on my face, as it was the exact same dream I had carried quietly in my heart for a few years.

I said without even considering the consequences, ‘Let’s do it. Let’s run a creative retreat, for entrepreneurial women. Let’s make it happen together.’

It was a reckless moment, where we both looked at each other, took a deep breath and said yes.

Speakers were booked.

Hotels, functions rooms were locked in.

We re-wilded ourselves. Stepped out and did something scary.

How often do we just play safe?

How often do we do what we have always done and somehow expect different results?

How often do we hold back out of fear of what might go wrong?

The opening quote in my latest book is this…

‘Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.’

Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

This year I am so determined to do things differently hoping to see different results.

I am re-wilding myself.

I am going to have a go at things I have dreamed of doing for a long time.

Adventures.

Opportunities.

I’m saying yes.

How about you?

#inspire15 the creative pursuits you are trying.

Speak tomorrow

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Ps- One of my friends Text me and said this ‘I just opened my diary to the dates of the #inspire15 retreat and that weeks quote says this ‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams’ Eleanor Roosevelt.’

If you want more information about our upcoming event email Cate@Catewilliams.com or click the link below…

#inspire15 retreat

 

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how do I relax?

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Most mornings whilst we were away my husband and I did some form of stretching or a yoga class. We’re not hugely into the spiritual side of yoga, but the increased flexibility and teaching of mindfulness is beautiful. It has really helped me find a simple way to get back into exercise after having a baby six months ago.

One morning we ran out of our room so we could grab a coffee on our way to class and then we settled into a session with the most patient and kindest teacher we have each ever encountered.

To be truthful she was very plain.

Plain in a good way.

Simple.

Honest.

Descriptive.

Encouraging.

She wasn’t asking for attention or demanding our presence. She was soft, graceful and forgiving.

As we started the class, I looked out at the view above to see a mix of my current favour hues of colour.

A little bit of aqua, a lot of white and a smattering of grey. The smokey mist of an ocean that is wild, with green, blue, grey, black and white competing for my attention.

I took a deep breath and remembered simple things like colour that made me relax and get ready to find my strength again. Two pregnancies in three years have really taken their toll on my body and I am really determined to find ways to rediscover my strength again.

We moved into the routines and in the middle of a pose, she said something that I had never even considered before.The most perfect analogy for where I am at in my creative place and novice motherhood. She said this ‘Breathing is like a massage for your insides.’

Simple thought, profound results in my days since. I am the sort of person that hungers for a massage.

‘Charl, please rub my feet.’ I would say most evenings, even ‘Max, come here I will show you how to massage Mummy’s shoulders.’

My body holds stresses in specific places, but even more interesting is the power of breathing to help with stress and creative output.

As I want to react to a stressful situation, a simple breath is truly like a massage for my body on the inside. It is a quiet opportunity, to reconnect with peace and be slow in my reaction to stressful situations.

A deep breath.

A long breath.

It is a gift that we give to ourselves.

The art of relaxation can be founded on this simple statement from my yoga instructor. ‘Breathing is like a massage for your insides.’

A silly little thought in someways, but extremely liberating in the art of letting go and allowing peace to reign.

Are you struggling to relax?

Do you find anxiety is replacing peace in your days?

Why don’t you start with the basics, with me and take a deep breath and remember the simple things that you are grateful for.

Till we meet again tomorrow,

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Through the month of March I am joining Em and writing with these prompts from Life Captured inc
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seeking rest

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I am struggling to come back to reality after two and a bit weeks away in a rural part of Indonesia, on the island of Bali. I keep finding myself speaking slower and breathing deeper, wanting to hold onto any part of the rest I discovered in its rice fields.

I had all these plans, of writing. Believing I would get so much done because I had extra help with my baby and toddler. However I wrote not one single word. Not even a little smile for my journal, nothing in my notes on my iPad, nothing.

I had nothing to give. My body, my mind and my soul needed rest.

A pit stop.

Sometimes you don’t have anything to give and you need to breathe deep to recover inspiration again.

I found rest.

Simple days of reading, days where I lay chatting with my Mum by the pool, nights watching surfers ride the most perfect waves with my husband.

Rest.

We found a different rhythm as a family and we spoke over long breakfasts and lazy swims in the pool about what was happening in our worlds and how we needed time to just reflect.

Time.

Moments.

Conversation interspersed with much silence.

I read three books, which for a novice Mum who is a word fiend, that is the greatest gift to start my year. Time to deeply consider what was important in my days and what had just become foreground because of noise or worry.

or both.

Are you seeking rest?

It is easy to say, well you have been on holidays and that is nice for you,but we all have the potential to find rest.

Whether it be finding a babysitter, swapping time with another friend, asking one of your inlaws to join you on holidays to help with the family, booking into a hotel for 24 hours alone. The potential is available to every one of us.

The question is whether you are prepared to make rest just as much as a priority as activity is in your days.

Whether we plan to make it happen. I left my phone on my desk in my office, I left my laptop firmly on the floor of my bedroom and I walked towards time awaiting my whole focus.

Saying no, to that which stresses and overwhelms us, even if it is just shutting down our inner dialogue and breathing deeply.

Finding rest can be an active stance. It could be committing to walking with a friend every week and stretching our bodies so that they can relax and find a new level of comfort.

It could be letting go of the past and allowing someone else to carry that burden for today.

Rest.

Seek.

Find.

That is why I am struggling to come back to reality, I liked the rhythm I found there. Wait, I can bring it into my everyday. Today.

A little slower,

More attention focused on the ones I love

and less worry about what people online think of me.

Rest.

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Through the month of March I am joining Em and writing with these prompts from Life Captured inc