Category: Creativity

Dear Younger Me,

When guilt and shame rise up like a tidal wave full of empty plastic bags and other people’s leftover coke cans, please sift and weigh their opinions like rubbish strewn in our beautiful ocean, because you were not designed to host it.

No matter how hard you try, the weight of that rubbish takes over the beauty of your today. Every single time you allow other people’s thoughts to impact your internal peace, it is like you are entertaining their leftovers for dinner.

Dear Younger Me,

You know that person who you are trying to impress, that person whose opinion impacts your every move, they are searching for acceptance as well. They may make you think that they have it all together but honestly they don’t. Their hearts and lives are ripped open often in the silence and the quiet and they are trying to find their way home.

Dear Younger Me,

Every time guilt overwhelms your soul and you reach for something temporal to give you comfort, you are setting up habits that may make you feel worthy in the moment. In the long run though, finding ways to express your thoughts, your wins, your victories and mostly your failures in ways that are helpful and breathe grace into every fracture is so much more helpful. These are the places where steady growth occurs.

Dear Younger Me,

When you allow shame to shadow your decisions and you spend your days trying to prove your worth to a small few who don’t even care anyway, every time you give them control over your peace, happiness and regrets. You loose. They win. Yet they don’t even know that they have been in competition with you.

Dear Younger Me,

Be kind. Be so damn kind that you become a pushover with love and kindness. Mostly be kind to yourself. You will make it, wherever that phantom place of purpose you have been looking for. You will be happy. You will find love. You will deeply experience pain and grief, but also love. A love so raw that it rips your heart apart.

Dear Younger Me,

Run, sing, be loud and travel. Seek the opinions of those who think completely different to you. Say yes. Stop trying to prove yourself to those who don’t give a crap. Seriously lay down those defences and look after that quiet light that flickers inside your soul. Don’t shout, just rest in that place of discovery and adventure.

Dear Younger Me,

Let shame and guilt go, but stay in a place of humility as you confess your hurts and confusion to someone safe. Then quietly ask for forgiveness and move forward.

Dear Younger Me,

Don’t carry regret like a weight ensnared over your shoulders. Pick up that piece of wood, lift it over your shoulders and put it on the floor. Lay it at the foot of someone who extends grace, mercy and forgiveness. Lay it down my dear soul. You weren’t designed to carry your weak that way. Lay it down. Move forward and forgive yourself.

Dear Younger Me,

You are enough.

Dear Younger Me,

You make me smile.

Dear Younger Me,

You are way okay.

Signed,

Your forgetful, loud, crazy, deep, loving and mostly forgiven future friend.

 

Today I cried, sobbed actually in a movie cinema with my friend. I watched one of those movies that as I drove home, the tree’s looked a little different. The orange in their leaves as they fell to the ground looked translucent and otherworldly, I drove home in a haze.

My haze was induced by words from a life that was difficult and unusual but stretching towards finding the meat in his tomorrow.

Me Before You is showing at the cinema’s at the moment and it honestly has been one of my favourite films to date. I laughed, I cried, but mostly I came home and hugged my family just that bit tighter.

Louisa took my breath away with her love of colour, life and tenacity to live loud.

Bumblebee tights, crazy shoes, movies with subtitles and concerts in a red dress. Louisa’s dad said this and it shocked me “You can’t change who people are” and she replied “Well what can we do?” and her Dad said “You just love them”.

I realised that I have subscribed to the notion over and over again that I can change people. But maybe just maybe it was never the intent of love and relationships. We all change, we all grow and we all impact one another in deeply significant ways, but I just want to get better at loving people flaws and all.

Have you seen this movie?

What did you think?

Much teary love

Amanda

Photo by Meg Scerri Creative for Maximus and Liberty

“Far too many creative people have been taught to distrust pleasure and put their faith in struggle alone. Too many artists still believe that the anguish is the only authentic emotional experience.” Elizabeth Gilbert

We all have that friend.

The one when your text message alarm dings and you see their name before the message and your heart drops.

You know the one.

The latest drama, the unfair assumptions; enter our friend negative nelly.

That one.

If you have been reading along with my blog for a while, you would have realised that I am not ashamed, to be honest, open and vulnerable in this forum.

Especially lately I have felt like my blog has become that negative, overly sensitive friend. Each time I have sat down to write, I have dug up words from the deep recesses of my soul and just bled into my WordPress account.

The funny thing is, I have been needing a little writing kick up the butt for awhile, but I didn’t realise it would come in the form of Elizabeth Gilberts book Big Magic. I have been seeking to bring my light, rather than the parts of me that lean towards the grey or black.

I have been metaphorically telling myself to put my positive pants on. The problem is with positive pants is we believe that it is a place, where we are fake, distanced and safe within our walls of protection.

Trusting ourselves to feel positive emotions alongside our negative ones, is one of the greatest ways we can ride the highs and lows of the creative dance.

We can be honest and be happy.

We can be confused and be clear.

We can be satisfied and look for more.

I am learning that I can be both deeply filled with peace, at the same time asking the questions that baffle me.

The greatest trust that leads my creative walk is my relationship with the Creator God. He leads me back when I am unsure whether I can take anymore. He steadies my feet when I am walking the thin paths. He makes me smile in the midst of challenging seasons.

As a creative communicator, I am learning to not be afraid of the questions, the difficulties and the challenging seasons, but also not to trust the struggle as my muse, but to continually reach out to one who knows more than me.

As creative beings let’s not be defined by the suffering, the deep dark moments of contemplation but live lives that ride the tides with grace, mercy and truth, always seeking the higher path in the midst.

My book club question today reflects Elizabeths;

Does your creativity love you?

I am learning that I can feel a whole myriad of emotions in one day and when isolated one can feel overwhelming, but when I continually trust the higher path and the journey of discovery, they do not define me. They are just a part of my expressive flare.

Here’s a toast to a few more laughs around here sometime soon and continually seeking light.

I trust.

Amanda Viviers