Category: Creativity

I would never have imagined that Motherhood would bring so much joy coupled with so much frustration. Every, single, day. I would never have imagined myself with a four and a half-year-old and be still spending most of my week as a stay at home Mum.

I had plans.

I had intentions.

and so much drive.

But here I am four and a half years later, spending the last two years with another little and I am finally finding small, simple things that bring me joy every day.

Like the fact that I can wear my pajamas till eleven am and pretend that they were my choice of fashion for the day. That I can write and think and make my own barista espresso from home, whilst blaring the music of my own choosing.

The smell of laundry in the dryer in winter fills the whole back half of my house and I am actually home to hear it ding like a microwave telling me that hot towels can be folded and breathed in deeply.

Those moments when friends drop by any hour of the day and the kettle is swiftly switched on and stories can last for hours. When my two-year-old walks herself off to the bedroom and decides it is now time for a sleep, and the way we walk on our tippy toes and not wake her.

When I open the curtains in my bedroom and notice the teenagers next door on holidays or the old lady across the road who is picked up by a bus that talks of the Uniting Church and its love of the elderly. To see the daily life of my neighbours, to actually see them is a moment that brings simple everyday joy.

Ice cream at two pm in the afternoon for no special reason just because.

Noticing a new leaf on my indoor ficus fig plant, essential oils filling my house with clarity and peace. Podcasts and live streaming of events that make me think, music players in every room.

My collection of records and the record player that now has its own space and little thoughts that wonder towards hosting our larger family Christmas finally in our home because it has more than a few rooms.

Novice Motherhood has many moments that overwhelm and frustrate me, but honestly, the simple, ordinary moments that breathe joy into my very soul can so easily be missed. Deep breathing, I can do this and they are seriously hilarious moments that are acknowledged bring sustainable joy.

We can so easily miss the beauty because we are so immersed in the messy uncertainty. I am learning to let go of my need to have it all worked out and to lean into the little victories and the unknown parts of it all.

There are simple, everyday, ordinary moments of joy, that we quickly dismiss because we are lost in the magnitude of the task. I promise if you stand in the laundry and breathe deeply in that moment if you allow an afternoon dance to become your delight if a walk to the park becomes a giant adventure. You will begin to laugh and dream again.

Moments of beauty.

Moments of much mess.

Moments of utter lostness.

Moments of isolation.

Moments of satisfaction.

Moments of comfort.

Moments of freedom.

Moments that will never be recovered ever again.

My passion for creativity, entrepreneurship and life has often taken me places that I would never have gone if I lived my life a little quieter. At the same time, though, my passion has undone me in times when I wish I had pulled back, brought more focus and thought more logically about my decisions.

I heard something this week in a podcast that I found really interesting. The mark of a great leader is their capacity to bring both intuition and intellect.

Intuition can be described I believe as passionate inklings. The dictionary describes it this way;

The ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning.

A lot of my leadership journey has been strengthened by both passion and instinct. There have been many times where I have been on paper the lesser person at the table, but my weakness has been superseded by intuition. I am able to speak from a place of instinct and prophetically bring something to the table because I have learnt to listen to my inner voice. Essentially I have been the least at the table, but been the conduit for the answer the collective needed. Often I have not taken myself to seriously and spoken like I mean what I am saying and the difference in the room is palpable. I love how Maya Angelou describes it.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou

Do you feel crap and unsteady in leadership?

Do you feel unqualified to sit at the table?

Passion is your friend.

Instinct is your weapon.

And humility is your uniform.

If you can bring a sound to the leadership table, if you can learn to listen to your gut and have the humility to look like a fool, you, my friend can go anywhere. You can take down those places that seem unattainable and yes it can take you places you would have never dreamed of.

I have met many entrepreneurs who have the passion and even the work ethic to succeed – but who are so obsessed with an idea that they don’t see its obvious flaws. Think about that. If you can’t even acknowledge your failures, how can you cut the rope and move on? Kevin O’Leary

We need all three of these personality traits to see the success that is long lasting. Passion, instinct and humility to admit our flaws.

Do you feel unable?

Don’t worry I often feel this, but I am determined to keep having a go at doing hard things. When I fail I get back up again, when I am unsure I ask my gang for feedback and mostly I just have a big go.

Speak again tomorrow

Amanda

Dear Younger Me,

When guilt and shame rise up like a tidal wave full of empty plastic bags and other people’s leftover coke cans, please sift and weigh their opinions like rubbish strewn in our beautiful ocean, because you were not designed to host it.

No matter how hard you try, the weight of that rubbish takes over the beauty of your today. Every single time you allow other people’s thoughts to impact your internal peace, it is like you are entertaining their leftovers for dinner.

Dear Younger Me,

You know that person who you are trying to impress, that person whose opinion impacts your every move, they are searching for acceptance as well. They may make you think that they have it all together but honestly they don’t. Their hearts and lives are ripped open often in the silence and the quiet and they are trying to find their way home.

Dear Younger Me,

Every time guilt overwhelms your soul and you reach for something temporal to give you comfort, you are setting up habits that may make you feel worthy in the moment. In the long run though, finding ways to express your thoughts, your wins, your victories and mostly your failures in ways that are helpful and breathe grace into every fracture is so much more helpful. These are the places where steady growth occurs.

Dear Younger Me,

When you allow shame to shadow your decisions and you spend your days trying to prove your worth to a small few who don’t even care anyway, every time you give them control over your peace, happiness and regrets. You loose. They win. Yet they don’t even know that they have been in competition with you.

Dear Younger Me,

Be kind. Be so damn kind that you become a pushover with love and kindness. Mostly be kind to yourself. You will make it, wherever that phantom place of purpose you have been looking for. You will be happy. You will find love. You will deeply experience pain and grief, but also love. A love so raw that it rips your heart apart.

Dear Younger Me,

Run, sing, be loud and travel. Seek the opinions of those who think completely different to you. Say yes. Stop trying to prove yourself to those who don’t give a crap. Seriously lay down those defences and look after that quiet light that flickers inside your soul. Don’t shout, just rest in that place of discovery and adventure.

Dear Younger Me,

Let shame and guilt go, but stay in a place of humility as you confess your hurts and confusion to someone safe. Then quietly ask for forgiveness and move forward.

Dear Younger Me,

Don’t carry regret like a weight ensnared over your shoulders. Pick up that piece of wood, lift it over your shoulders and put it on the floor. Lay it at the foot of someone who extends grace, mercy and forgiveness. Lay it down my dear soul. You weren’t designed to carry your weak that way. Lay it down. Move forward and forgive yourself.

Dear Younger Me,

You are enough.

Dear Younger Me,

You make me smile.

Dear Younger Me,

You are way okay.

Signed,

Your forgetful, loud, crazy, deep, loving and mostly forgiven future friend.

Today I cried, sobbed actually in a movie cinema with my friend. I watched one of those movies that as I drove home, the tree’s looked a little different. The orange in their leaves as they fell to the ground looked translucent and otherworldly, I drove home in a haze.

My haze was induced by words from a life that was difficult and unusual but stretching towards finding the meat in his tomorrow.

Me Before You is showing at the cinema’s at the moment and it honestly has been one of my favourite films to date. I laughed, I cried, but mostly I came home and hugged my family just that bit tighter.

Louisa took my breath away with her love of colour, life and tenacity to live loud.

Bumblebee tights, crazy shoes, movies with subtitles and concerts in a red dress. Louisa’s dad said this and it shocked me “You can’t change who people are” and she replied “Well what can we do?” and her Dad said “You just love them”.

I realised that I have subscribed to the notion over and over again that I can change people. But maybe just maybe it was never the intent of love and relationships. We all change, we all grow and we all impact one another in deeply significant ways, but I just want to get better at loving people flaws and all.

Have you seen this movie?

What did you think?

Much teary love

Amanda