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We need to learn to date ourselves before we expect others to date us.

Learning to love myself just as I love and respect others has been one of the greatest lessons that this year has given. I had no idea that Motherhood was relentless.

Everyone promised me that when the kids went to school that things would get easier. They promised me when they slept through the night, exhaustion would fade and the sun would peak through the dark clouds on the horizon. We talked for five years about what we would do when he went skipping off down the school path.

But they lied.

They all offered me an expectation that was unachievable and I grieved the nomad lifestyle I had when my babies were small. I had no idea that school hours would become so restrictive and the goal posts grew smaller with fundraisers, discos, jog-a-thons, crazy hair days, collections for the Vincent de Paul, homework folders, swimming lessons and the list grew daily.

This year I had to learn to block out time for myself, to find the depth of resource that was hidden in my soul, to once again grow.

Growth is painful. It is like a stretching of our courage to believe that we can once again do more. Growth increases our capacity, to juggle and bend. It makes us more flexible and this is an undervalued quality in a person, that no one tells us is required.

Above all of this, however, I am learning that if I do not find ways to look after myself, to refill my tank and to take the time to date myself, no one else will want to hang around with me.

Do you fill your days with tasks for others?

Do you then feel ripped off when no one reciprocates for you?

It is easy to forget that we need to prioritise our own needs above that of those who are around us. That is why when travelling on an aeroplane, we are told over and over to put on our own mask, before trying to fit someone else’s. If we are unable to breathe how can we help someone else?

Every Christmas season I find myself depleted at the end of a season of growth. Adulting is stretching and to just stay sane, takes a lot of deep breaths and patience. That is why for the last fourteen years I have planned little dates with myself to recalibrate and recover.

This year I have created a workbook, pro forma to help you retreat away from the crazy and find your voice again.

It is called New Days.

If we keep doing the same thing over and over we cannot surrender to the new.

It is a journalling pro forma.

An opportunity for you to get it messy, to draw, to explore, to refine and to recover.

Set a date for yourself today.

Download your copy here.

Or order your printed version here.

Enjoy dating yourself this Christmas and let’s together continue to grow in the way we are kind to yourself.

Also, my friend Rebecca Ray has released an amazing tool to help you be kinder to yourself, you can sign up for it here.

Amanda

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how to find perspective and rest

I think there is something attractive about humility and something deeply repelling about pride.

Allen Ginsberg says it quite perfectly…

“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.”

Perspective is often gained in the most unlikely places and I am learning it is seasons of hiddenness that can bring the greatest rewards. We live in a society that is obsessed with fame.

This time of the year brings out the worst in us all. The hurry, the family conflicts and the stress.

One way that I have found perspective and rest in the midst of the craziness at this time of the year, is to personally retreat. I take one afternoon, I grab a glass of wine, my favourite pen and I write. I have done it now for fourteen years and it has been the greatest tool for finding my voice and dreaming again.

This year I have released the questions I have asked myself in this personal retreat in a downloadable book. I take the time to retreat from the world. Retreat from the stress. The busyness and find ways to dream again for the coming year.

The beginning of this book starts with this sentiment;

“A simple sentence has been repeating over and over in my heart lately. If we keep doing the same things we have always done and we are expecting a different result, that is insanity.” Amanda Viviers, New Days.

Are you looking for perspective this year?

Are you wanting rest, from the constant hustle that is promoted by our society?

Then take the time to retreat, create a plan for 2018 that includes time for rest. Maybe its time to have one day a week away from social media? Maybe you are wanting to write, sew, draw or start a new hobby? Then make time, schedule it in and most of all begin to dream again for new days.

“Courage is not shaped by a Wonder Woman cape, it is an everyday girl facing that which terrifies her and saying yes anyway.”
Amanda Viviers

 

Download and print off today and take the time to reflect to find clarity.

Amanda

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You failed this year, its okay so did I…

 

So you failed this year…

It’s okay.

So did I.

There is something about failure it sits with us in the midst of our humility and asks us to try again.

Failure has a shadow companion and his name is “Shame”. Shame sneaks around corners and offers us comfort in the midst of our mistakes. He curls his finger and beckons us to come and sit to stay awhile.

The thing that shame forgets to tell us on purpose, however, that nothing of significance is birthed without failure and mistakes. You see the precipice of change, that place in our future between what is and what could be, is the unknown department of what if?

The land of what if is a place where the ground is extremely unsteady.

It shakes and tumbles, it quakes and makes you feel uncomfortable.

When you step into the new and leave the comfort of shame behind, you realise that anyone who has done anything of significance has failed.

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something. So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make new mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

Neil Gaiman

The power of reflection, journaling and writing always will help us find perspective in the midst of our failure. When we take the time to sit in the discomfort of the waiting place, we uncover the secret wisdom that invites us to the beauty of humanity.

The grace place.

The sinner’s table.

The place between what is and what could be.

At the end of each year, I retreat away from the noise that SHOUTS loudly and I ask myself a series of questions.

I set myself up in a cafe, with coffee and a slice of cake and I breathe. I walk the beach and I start to pray softly.

Thanking God for the year that has passed and I start to let go of everything that has disappointed. There is something about taking the time to reflect and regroup that creates space for growth in the New Year.

Questions like…

What has been a positive experience?
What has been a negative experience?
Where have I grown the most?
What am I especially thankful for?

I have realised that it is easy to allow the negative to overtake a year, rather than allowing the simple, the beautiful and the surprises to come back to the foreground.

As I take the time to reflect on the different spaces in my life, I see over a long season of rest and recovery that the fruit of the spirit is growing or decreasing in my life. I re-shift my alignment in these times of journalling and writing by myself and I realise where my true north alignment is again.

When was the last time you took the time to have an appointment with yourself with a journal and reflected?

Here is the proforma that I use in this personal retreat available for you to download today. This year your download includes; Planning documents for your business and personal products. A weekly schedule to plan in time for the scaffold of your week for your passion projects A mind map proforma to help you brainstorm out your yearly goals and over one hundred reflection questions to help you discover your voice and opportunities for the new season ahead.

So as we walk into the crazy holiday season, here is my prayer for you.

I hope that you make mistakes this coming year because it is a place where we remember the grace and the power of forgiveness. I hope that you are edging towards the new and doing things that are unexpected and full of possibility to find your new language and voice for tomorrow. I hope that you thrive in the midst of your humanity, learning to love like you have never before. I hope you flourish even when it feels like your hidden place is dry and unforgiving. 

Amanda

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How To Get Unstuck?

We all get stuck. Moments and seasons when we cannot get clarity and see beyond today. In our businesses, communication and life strategies.

I think that is why New Years Resolutions get such a bad reputation because they belong in the land of “being stuckness”. Change is hard, reframing mindsets is even harder and then add to the mix negativity, bullying and good old self-esteem.

Would you like to get unstuck?

“Don’t ever let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” – 10 Things I Hate About You

Desire is a powerful emotion both for the positive and negative parts of our lives and often we get stuck in the realms of our dreams because we become disappointed when we have been hoping for something and it has not been realised.

Over the last fourteen years, I have asked myself a series of questions that have helped me reform my perspective and shift into the new season. Does that mean it has been easy?

Nope, Nah, doubt it!

Change is powerful but it is painful and unless we uncover the parts of our today that are locking us in a holding pattern we cannot access the momentum needed for the new.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

A simple sentence has been repeating over and over in my heart lately. If we keep doing the same things we have always done and we are expecting a different result, that is insanity.

The thought of setting goals and re-hoping again for the new year can be hard but is it just as hard as staying stuck where you are?

The best way you can move forward is to take the time to process, let go and find courage for your new tomorrow. Writing is a powerful way to do this exact thing.

I have designed a book that includes these questions and the process I have done now for 14 years. It includes articles to help you process, let go and dream again. It is called NEW DAYS and can be bought in a download version for $9.95 and also a printed book version for Australian residents for $19.95 including shipping.

If I can give you any advice right at the beginning of this holiday season, take the time to reflect and reclaim your future this New Year. If you are ready to explore a little and then begin again, this date with yourself was made just for you.

We need to be honest with ourselves for this to work.

Here is how this vision book works:

Print off these pages and find a favourite pen.

Get a drink that makes you smile (coffee, wine, tea, apple cider, ginger beer or a milkshake).

Set your atmosphere to a quiet and reflective space (Candles, music or people/ cafe/ buzz/ city life).

Turn off your phone. (like really, no Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest).

Start by saying thank you for the year that was and open your heart up for new inspiration for the year coming.

Then dive in.

You inspire me already.

Amanda

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Three ways I’m finding courage for the new

Port City Roasters

As long as I am breathing, in my eyes, I am just beginning.
CRISS JAMI

New days are a quandary. Full of excitement for the upcoming opportunity and the pain of letting go.

Have you ever felt like you were destined for more but just didn’t know how to step into the new?

This is the dance of humanity. Every person who has stood on the precipice of change has battled to find courage for the leap. Tomorrow my latest book NEW DAYS launches and even though I am five books into this writing journey, tonight I sit here feeling more of a novice than ever before.

Maybe because I know more and when you have seen you responsible.

Maybe it’s because there are so many writers here on the internet.

Maybe it’s just those questions we all battle with like perfectionism, is it good enough and what if people don’t like it?

Despite all of this, I step forward into the unknown of a launch. Putting my thoughts and hearts out on the line. What about you? What’s your new? Where are you beginning again? What courage is needed for your tomorrow?

Here are three ways I am finding the courage to step into the new.

ONE: Gathering those who know me and reminding myself of my strengths.

Last Sunday I sat in a dear friends Lounge Room and wheeled out the whiteboard. I asked my friends to help me edit my life. They did a 360 review on my entrepreneurial journey and helped me find my “why” again. We started with what I wanted to be doing in five years time. The circle then brainstormed my strengths and what they believed I am really equipped and gifted to bring as my contribution. They then helped me edit that which was good, but for my season not great. It was such a powerful hour and a half that brought the most clarity I have had for my season in years.

“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly, it’s your masterpiece.”

AGENT STEVEN

TWO: Being intentional in what I give my time to and saying goodbye to yesterday.

The last few years have been beautiful and so humbling. There have been many days where I wished I could sit in an office and discuss leadership principles and corporate strategies but I made a choice not too. I decided I would stay home with my kids and guess what? Next year is Libby’s last year at home full time with me. It is true what everyone says, it goes so fast and as much as I have wanted many times to escape it, to step into places of perceived influence. I surrendered to my season and I have had the profound opportunity to hang out with many people in their everyday, ordinary lives. However, I know change is coming and I am looking at the new and really being careful what I say yes too. Bringing it back to my foundations, discovering anything that I am saying yes to out of obligation rather than revelation.

“Your life is a sacred journey. It is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity and of love.”

CAROLINE ADAMS

THREE: Asking myself questions and setting aside time to reflect.

The humble beginnings of my latest book began when I was a single woman desperate to see my dreams come true. I would sit in cafes watching families walk alongside me and dream of my “one day”. The questions that I have discovered over fourteen years have been refined and changed, weighed and sifted. The tools that I have uncovered have become life changing in the midst of seasons of in-between.  Writing is a powerful tool for self-reflection and often as I wait for inspiration it comes with a companion, courage. Courage for me is not a loud rant on Facebook, it is a quiet whisper that says “I promise you can do this.” When we sit and reflect, write and release our future thanks us.

My question for you is this…

When was the last time you turned off your phone, social media, tv and distractions and reflected on your season and dreamed of your tomorrow?

“New Days” is available now for sale on my website. In three different formats. $9.95 Downloadable version. A printed version for $19.95 Australian residents only and a monochrome version for easy printing $9.95.

Come on, let’s find courage together.

And would you share this on social media for me, to your friends who would like to find courage for the new?

Amanda