Amanda Viviers

Posted on August 17, 2014August 14, 2014 by Amanda Viviers — 5 Comments

kiss and drive

Last Saturday I spoke at a women’s retreat with some of my closest friends.

Kelley told a story about her teenage son, that completely cracked me up, she told the ladies how she had her son convinced, right until the end of primary school that ‘Kiss and Drive’ the drop off point at the front gate of the school was exactly that.

Kiss

and

Drive

She explained as her son grew older, she felt him start to inch away from him and physical touch became ‘uncool, unwanted and definitely not at the school gate’.

She told him though, that it was the rules. He could not leave the car until he kissed her every morning.

In highschool he became a little wiser and could not believe that she had fooled him for so many years.

As I walked away from this story and the women’s retreat, I had these words ringing in my heart.

Coupled with this story, I had read an article on the internet that week as well, about toddler tantrums and how to combat them.

The psychologist was preposing, that physical touch was one of the best ways to counteract toddler tantrums and quickly bring sanity to the moment.

Enter my current reality.

I have a two and a half year old and a three week old.

I have noticed my son Maximus, starting to respond a lot more emotionally to situations in the last week and so I did what was current and increased the hugs in our household.

One lunchtime he sat at his highchair exhausted, crying for no real reason…

Just at the end of his emotional capacity.

I grabbed a chair, sat behind him and just hugged him. I held him for more than 20 mins.

I held him and he did not want to let me go.

This week I have found myself hugging my husband more.

Holding my baby closer to my chest.

Pulling my family in, to counteract the transition of the season.

Physical touch.

Just the thought of touch, has been almost dirtied in our contemporary times, with Dads not knowing whether they will be judged for intimacy with their children, Mum’s so busy that slowing their family down one hug at a time is complex.

Hugs…

Kisses…

Family intimacy has been relegated to quiet whispers, hoping not to be criticised for our public displays of affection.

I am determined to be a Mum that extends physical expressions of my love to my family as often as I can.

Without fear of condemnation.

As my son grows older, I am going to increase not decrease holding him.

If I am feeling frustrated with my toddler I am going to hug him.

If I am feeling far away from my husband because he is working hard for our family, I am going to hold him when he arrives home from work, expressing my thanks without words.

Late at night when my newborn is fussing and unable to sleep, I am going to kiss her head and snuggle into her smell, holding her close in this season, to bring comfort and calm.

My natural desire is to pull away and want to regroup by myself, but in the midst of hard times physical touch brings comfort and I am determined to surrender to it.

I must admit I am not a natural hugger. I sometimes feel awkward when people launch themselves at me, not sure whether to hug, shake hands or kiss on one cheek or two.

I want to fight against this awkwardness though, in the knowledge that our society is crumbling out of loneliness and disconnection. Whether we like the feeling or not, physical touch. Safe physical touch, brings healing and life.

Are you feeling disconnected?

When was the last time someone hugged you, for no other reason than to just provide comfort?

Sometimes we use way to many words in a situation, when all that is needed is a safe hug that lets the person know that they are loved.

These are the beautiful lessons I am learning in my season of novice motherhood.

The tender, compassionate mercies of a simple hug.

Speak next sunday

(Photos were taken when Liberty was one week old, by the amazing Natalie Chambers from Shining Light Photography, for those living in Perth, contact her for family portraits and let her know that you were recommended by me.)

Posted on August 15, 2014August 14, 2014 by Amanda Viviers — 2 Comments

the now

Today marks the end of the second week of the Green Couture ‘in the flesh’ store being open. I also have a Green Couture on-line store – this went ‘live’ in January this year.

The on-line store was another of those steps that happen along the way to the dream being realised.

Who knows that starting your own venture requires investment?

Lots of your time, your effort, your money…

On the subject of finance, ‘The Wait’, catch up here (if you missed last week’s post), also resulted in finance being available to launch the Green Couture website, the on-line store & now the physical store… it’s all about the right timing! Don’t try to make things happen at the wrong time!

It’s so easy to get distracted. I was having coffee with the lovely and wise Amanda Viviers earlier this year and she said something along the lines of ‘don’t compare what you’re doing with what other people are doing’.

Inspiration is great but not when you lose track of your own idea & start trying to recreate someone else’s dream, becoming a rip off of someone else, not the true version of you & what you’re meant to achieve.

If you’re building something stick to your vision; check regularly that you’re on track…

Don’t get sidelined by someone else’s dream…

Don’t be afraid to make adjustments, do something different or entirely can an idea, you can always go back to the drawing board if it doesn’t feel like the right fit.

Being able to adjusting things as we go is very freeing. We don’t have to be slaves to what we’ve put in place, what we thought it might look like.

When something doesn’t work out how we might have envisaged we can

re-set…

re-think…

re-adjust…

One of the things I enjoy about Green Couture is people. Relationships you’re your suppliers, clients & neighbouring businesses.

The myriad of different people you come into contact with who were all there doing their thing before you started your business but now your worlds have collided.

Opportunities!
to relate…
to be-friend…
to influence…
to be kind…

Life is rich!

Hope your Friday is going magnificently,

Sig Kate.jpg

Images – Krysta Guille Photography, Best in Park, Empirical Style & Ziporah
Dog accessories, wooden pendant lights & towels available at the Green Couture Store Online

Posted on August 9, 2014August 7, 2014 by Amanda Viviers — 4 Comments

broken crayons

The wheels have started to fall off our baby bubble and the hard parts have begun to set in.

Our two year old, who goes to sleep normally within a reasonable amount of time and sleeps a solid night, has decided whatever is happening everywhere else in the house but his bedroom is the party he has missed the invite to.

Our newborn who was sleeping 18 hrs a day and smiling softly as she slept has begun to wake up.

Sore bodies

Tired minds

More caffeine

Which equals more upset tummy’s.

Our week has rolled out with highs and lows, but we are determined to soak up the moments whilst my body builder is home from work and enjoy even the sleeplessness of a newborn.

Whoever said ‘Sleep like a baby?’ obviously never tried to fit a toddler, a newborn, a body builder and a creative into a 1970’s beachside shack.

I saw this quote this week and it made me smile. (In fact I giggled a little bit, it felt like a prophetic statement of my now.)

As a child, whenever a crayon broke, I would throw it away with disgust, needing the perfection of the moment to create my latest design.

As an adult I have learnt that even broken crayons colour. In fact there are no perfect crayons sitting at any of my coffee tables or dinner tables, every adult I meet has a story that has defined them.

Is there a part of your life right now, that you are missing moments of beauty and creativity because your crayons are a little cracked?

Are you waiting for that perfect moment to start enjoying a season, without realising the colour and beauty is accessible if you just celebrate your now?

Our week has been a little broken.

Moments of cross words, sore knees, broken bodies, tired eye lids, long sips of coffee but honestly it has been filled with moments of beauty and divine inspiration.

Our two week old went for her first walk on the beach.

Our toddler discovered his shadow for the first time and said goodbye to it and then realised with absolute surprise that his shadow was following him.

The series here on Capture life has been really moving me, with inspiration from my friends all over Australia.

My body builder fixed a pair of curtains in our shack, that have been annoying us for over two years.

BROKEN

CRAYONS

As we start to acknowledge the colour and beauty, we start to forget that the utensils we are writing with are a little bent.

If you feel like all your colours are fading and your crayons are bending, just take some time to acknowledge the beauty and colour and suddenly it won’t matter anymore.

A scripture has been floating around my head this week;

Psalm 18: 19

He brought me out to a wide-open place.

He rescued me because he was pleased with me.

I realised this week, that the last few months of my pregnancy, I hadn’t gone outside very often and I had spent a lot of time inside. It was winter, I was exhausted with a two year old and my everyday tasks.

We walked the beach this week in the midst of very tired eyes and sore bodies, the winter sun beamed strongly on our shoulders, our toddler ran along the beach immersing himself in the moment, we held hands and our newborn swung softly in the carrier on my husbands chest.

It felt like a very wide open space.

The brokenness of the season felt as far away in that moment as the distant ocean we were soaking our senses in.

Somedays we need to simply walk ourselves into a wide open space and feel the release from the heaviness of the season, allowing the colour to rise in our hearts.

Broken crayons still colour my friend.

Speak next sunday

(Enjoy my friends each day between now and then.)

Posted on August 6, 2014August 6, 2014 by Amanda Viviers — Leave a comment

No one likes a Bossy Pants

no one likes a bossy pants!

She wrote it in my high school yearbook:

“You’re a great person, but a bit bossy sometimes.”

Bossy.

Not, great leader, good visionary, team player?

None, of that, but bossy.

Being Latin American, I come from a long line of strong, determined, and sassy women. They are bold, passionate, feisty and all the while just a little bit cheeky. It’s not uncommon for the women in my family to loudly take charge without any fear whatsoever of people’s opinions about them.

It’s just what you do – get the job done, lead strongly, serve others, and laugh along the way – without considering your gender as some sort of restriction.

Why do women get called bossy when they’re leading the pack?

I’m not here to cry “sexism” at the top of my lungs hoping that my high operatic scream will smash some sort of glass ceiling. Hardly. Because to be honest with you I am a bossy pants sometimes – selfishly opinionated, demanding… all those things that we make us imperfect leaders and imperfect people.

While I don’t often hear this term being used for male leaders, that’s not really the point I’m trying to make – being called bossy isn’t cool and it’s not something I rejoice over. And yes, it sucks that women get this label where men get labels such as strong etc. But the label did make me stop, look at my leadership style, and refine it.

Ok, that’s not entirely true.

Before I maturely reflected upon it I shrunk away, avoided people, became a people pleaser and was constantly worried that if anyone got any whiff of leadership from me they would brand me bossy…

… But back to the part where I’m being sassy and strong (because that makes a far better story than the sad mess that was me crying over being called the B-word).

Here’s what I learnt:

There’s a very fine line between being bossy and being a leader. Leaders are in many ways, the boss. They lead the team, they provide the direction, they make the tough calls and they take responsibility. Nothing wrong with that.

“’Bossy’ is someone who bosses people around without reason.”

Stephanie Powers.

“Bossiness” has this connotation that implies one is more like that annoying six year old who demands that you pour the imaginary tea a certain way for the teddy bears and loses their cool when you spill air everywhere… it’s expecting things one way only and being foot-stomping angry when your team or even yourself doesn’t deliver.

It’s inflexible, domineering, patronising, selfish.

But, I meet far too many young women who are afraid to take on a leadership role for fear of the “bossy-pants” label. If you’re a leader, you’re a boss, and you as well as those that you lead may see your actions as “bossy”… but just refine your style. Don’t stop leading for fear of the label.

Perhaps the line between being bossy and being a leader is made up of the team of people that you lead, all standing in a straight line behind you, looking beyond you to the direction that you’re taking them.

Be passionate, be engaged, be ambitious, be strong, be the boss…

Keep your eye on that line and lead them well.

Speak next Wednesday

Brisita was born in Santiago, Chile, before moving half way across the world to sunny Perth, Australia.

She loves hanging at the beach, collecting tea cups, and singing Whitney Houston songs in her car at the top of her lungs.

Brisita is a Youth Pastor at Riverview Church where she leads a team of youth leaders and volunteers as they create fresh and exciting programs for the next generation.

Posted on August 5, 2014June 22, 2014 by Amanda Viviers — Leave a comment

‘Ish’

A children’s story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children’s story in the slightest.
CS Lewis

I was recently given a book called Ish by Peter H. Reynolds.
It stirred my soul, and as I slowly flicked through coloured and hand lettered pages my throat got a lump and my eyes welled.
Ramon loved to draw.
But his work was criticized and he lost his spark, his confidence.
Nothing he drew seemed right.
Until his eyes were opened; his failed drawing of a vase looked vase-ish.

“Ramon felt light and energized.
Thinking ish-ly allowed
his ideas to flow freely.

He began to draw what he felt-
loose lines.
Quickly springing out.?Without worry.”

Oh the lessons our creative souls could learn from this book!
We are reminded to create with abandon.
To enjoy our craft, without feeling the need to please.
We are reminded not to place so much emphasis on getting it right, or doing it perfect.
We can think ish-ly. And our reflections of the world around us will be just that: ours.
We’ll then have the freedom from fear, from people pleasing.
Freedom from that place where we are held back by the opinions of others.
I don’t know about you, but I totally relate to Amanda’s post here about struggling with self-doubt. As a writer I second-guess my voice, words, my purpose and my craft constantly. Because I think too much about what others expect, or may criticize!
Instead of resting in the knowledge that my work is Em-ish, and simply enjoying the act of writing, the experience of creativity, without concern or anxiety.

The second last paragraph of Ish describes Ramon savoring a wonderful feeling and deciding not to capture it.
Such a valuable lesson in our culture today, where life can be overshared.
We tag ourselves in wherever we go on Facebook, update our statuses for every meal we eat, and often miss the experience of being in the moment because we are too busy trying to capture it for Instagram.

Lets learn to savour, be truly grateful, without feeling the need to share, and miss those moments.

Ish is lovely, and poignant for the creative-at-heart.
And my kids love it too.

So, make yourself a cuppa, sit back, and my eldest, Joel, will read Ish for you.

no one likes a bossy pants!

Amanda’s quotes