Place: My desk
Favorite Things: My mothers day dressing gown
Many shrink back from dreaming, often afraid of failure. Dreaming about a family, being a mother was one I was lost in regularly.
I dreamt about being a mother and then I chided myself for even having the audacity to dream.
It hurt my heart to dream. I was told for a long time I would never have children.
Isaiah 54 says ‘Enlarge your tent, Spread out your house and spare no expense. For you will be soon bursting at the seams. Fear not you will no longer live in shame’ I read these words and I wondered whether God could actually come good on his promise.
Today I am seeing a dream realised. I feel more excited today than any other. I am not in the haze of drugs and pain, like the day of Max’s birth. Today I am revelling in the dream that has been realised.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but I believe that hopes realised make the heart sing.
If you have hopes that you have dreamed of yet they tarry, then let hope arise.
I was told it would be difficult to conceive. In fact, year after year I thought I would never be a mummy. But today is a day of victory.
Mothers day was always difficult. It felt so awkward celebrating the thing I desired so deeply.
I smiled and tried to celebrate others. How can you be happy for others though, when you are insanely jealous of them?
Hope deferred does make the heart sick, it fills it with bitterness, jealously and envy. Allowing times of reflection and prayer to wash away these feelings and decisions is the best way to combat these overwhelming emotions.
Today is a dream realised for me.
My prayer is that you would find faith and comfort from this, not further pain.
Dream again if your heart has died a little.
You never know what tomorrow may bring.