Yesterday was one of my closest friends birthdays. As I searched through year upon year of photos, I found myself reflecting on Mummahood and how it so radically changes friendships.
I have a large group of friends, who have been a great source of inspiration and strength to me over many years. A group of girls that for over a decade have been the kind of people that I can sit in my pj’s with, no make up and just talk.
Honestly say anything.
Sometimes my honesty has got me in trouble and these friendships have become thin, but in the end only honesty matters and these friendships have all survived times of difficulty.
As you grow older, you realise the friendships that you can say anything, anything at all are the ones that survive the test of time.
Also the ones that are forgiving. You know the ones that really forgive you when you are at your worst. The ones that believe the best in you. That would fight for your character. The ones that have been through hard times are always the ones that are stronger.
The ones that understand when you don’t call back, its not because you are being difficult, you are just stretched, stressed, overworked, underpaid and delighting in the moment.
The ones that light up the room when you find them unexpectedly at a function and a text message from them changes your day, your week, your month.
Engagement parties, love lost, expectations unmet, events pulled off.
Long phone calls, over long distances, mascara running, times of busyness and messy bedrooms.
Those people you could ask to pick you up from the airport at 3am, even though you know its a crazy ask and they do it, just so they can see you as you rush off to another destination.
The best part of these friendships is they are deep, but they are not full of expectation.
I think the greatest hinderance to riding the season of Mummahood well, with friendships is lowering our expectations.
Some of the girls in these photos, I can not see face to face, for months at a time, then rock up to their house for a cup of tea and the weeks melt away.
Trying to keep up with friendships that expect more than the reality of everyday life is just too hard in changes of seasons.
Honestly I have a list of ‘Have to…’ catch up with people at the moment and I want to see them all, but somedays I don’t even have time to catch up with the people I want to.
There are many reasons why this is the case.
We live far away from one another now and most of us have families and responsibilities and schedules to keep.
When I do get time to myself, I honestly just want to write and think and … have time to myself.
Wanting to stay connected and make a difference beyond motherhood, this takes up all my spare time.
Having two interns means all my baby sitting tokens are used up with my creative projects beyond myself.
The only way I am able to transition this season is by lowering my own expectations and making an effort myself to contact my friends even when it is difficult.
Phoning them and listening.
Driving to see them, even when I feel like I have done it the last five or six times.
Holding lightly and loving deeply.
Making every effort to seize the moments when they present themselves and love them.
If I spend the very little time I have feeling torn between emotions of not enough, I ruin the moments that present themselves.
Mostly, I try to get in touch with them outside of social media, so that we still have a private life, one that is full of secrets and giggles, moments and memories.
I love my group of friends, that I can run the beach in my pj’s on.
As a mum however, I just can’t stay up till midnight in leederville drinking coffee and eating cake anymore.
I can’t host big suppers and hang out over meals as much.
But I can love them at a distance, pray for them and stay connected.
Lowering my expectations and breathing life into our new normal.
Are you struggling with a change of season with a friend?
Hold lightly dear one.
You never know what could fly back when you are least expecting it and if you need time, softly, with fun and brilliance, make it outstanding.
Mainly by letting go of un-forgiveness, regret, jealousy, bitterness and revel in the moments.