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her move

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We all come to a place in our days where a line is drawn and we have to choose.

At the beginning of this year, I found myself in this place. Standing in Target, in the midst of a first-time novice Mum experience, ticking off my shopping list, which included a school uniform for my soon to be attending Kindy first born son.

We are a one income household, with a mumpreneur in the making, two littles under four and a mortgage to boot. As I looked at my shopping list, so soon after Christmas, I cringed at the amount I needed to purchase and the little savings I still had.

Back to Target, so I stood there before school shorts and t-shirts and my head creaked a little to the left. Growing up as the daughter of a fabric warehouse owner, I knew how much it cost for 75cms of t-shirt ing fabric. Learning to sew myself at ten years old, I knew how long it took to make a polo t-shirt and the skill it required to stitch in that darn collar. With my head still ajar and my mind rolling over and over, I just could not make sense of the fact, that my son’s royal blue polo shirt was two dollars.

Two dollars.

How did that even work?

Even though our bank account had taken a Christmas hit and our mortgage waited for no-one, I stood there with a line drawn in the sand and I knew that line would change me.

It is like this royal blue t-shirt said to me;

“Your move…”

I decided then and there, that I was going to research what it took to make a t-shirt and decide that as much as possible, I would start to choose more ethically in the consumer decisions we made as a family. With our recent business launched Maximus & Liberty, I came home and said to my husband, there has to be another way.

Little children were not designed to make t-shirts for little children for two dollars.

Mums with children were not designed to line up in factories before the sun rises so that we can save 5 bucks on a t-shirt.

My heart was engaged and ever since anything that touches on this subject has hit a raw nerve in my heart. Why should my little people be dancing around in clothes that another family has sacrificed so irrevocably?

It is our move.

It is our choice.

We need to make more decisions informed, rather than hiding behind uneducated excuses.

Some of my friends are right at the pointy edge of launching something that begins to make a dent in the massive wall of change that needs to occur.

ONE TENTH: IT IS TIME TO WEAR WHAT MATTERS

They say this about the issue;

“At One Tenth, we see a space within the industry to disrupt the status quo of poverty on a global scale with something that is so simple and already embedded in our daily lives — shopping.”

Today their kick starter finishes and they are so close to achieving their goal to launch an ethically sustainable fashion label into the Australian industry.

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Jump on board.

It is your move.

It is time to wear what matters.

Amanda

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her light

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Photo by Meg Scerri Creative for Maximus and Liberty

“Far too many creative people have been taught to distrust pleasure and put their faith in struggle alone. Too many artists still believe that the anguish is the only authentic emotional experience.” Elizabeth Gilbert

We all have that friend.

The one when your text message alarm dings and you see their name before the message and your heart drops.

You know the one.

The latest drama, the unfair assumptions; enter our friend negative nelly.

That one.

If you have been reading along with my blog for a while, you would have realised that I am not ashamed, to be honest, open and vulnerable in this forum.

Especially lately I have felt like my blog has become that negative, overly sensitive friend. Each time I have sat down to write, I have dug up words from the deep recesses of my soul and just bled into my WordPress account.

The funny thing is, I have been needing a little writing kick up the butt for awhile, but I didn’t realise it would come in the form of Elizabeth Gilberts book Big Magic. I have been seeking to bring my light, rather than the parts of me that lean towards the grey or black.

I have been metaphorically telling myself to put my positive pants on. The problem is with positive pants is we believe that it is a place, where we are fake, distanced and safe within our walls of protection.

Trusting ourselves to feel positive emotions alongside our negative ones, is one of the greatest ways we can ride the highs and lows of the creative dance.

We can be honest and be happy.

We can be confused and be clear.

We can be satisfied and look for more.

I am learning that I can be both deeply filled with peace, at the same time asking the questions that baffle me.

The greatest trust that leads my creative walk is my relationship with the Creator God. He leads me back when I am unsure whether I can take anymore. He steadies my feet when I am walking the thin paths. He makes me smile in the midst of challenging seasons.

As a creative communicator, I am learning to not be afraid of the questions, the difficulties and the challenging seasons, but also not to trust the struggle as my muse, but to continually reach out to one who knows more than me.

As creative beings let’s not be defined by the suffering, the deep dark moments of contemplation but live lives that ride the tides with grace, mercy and truth, always seeking the higher path in the midst.

My book club question today reflects Elizabeths;

Does your creativity love you?

I am learning that I can feel a whole myriad of emotions in one day and when isolated one can feel overwhelming, but when I continually trust the higher path and the journey of discovery, they do not define me. They are just a part of my expressive flare.

Here’s a toast to a few more laughs around here sometime soon and continually seeking light.

I trust.

Amanda Viviers

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her shadows; mummy guilt, competing with others and happy pants.

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Nepal, March 2016

I went to my first exercise class this morning since all my random surgeries over the last six months. Last night I was pumped. Breakfast laid out ready to go, thoughts of strength and skinny dreams motivating me. This morning, however, I was self-sabotaging left, right and centre trying to avoid the absolute incompetence that I felt deep in my soul.

One could say the moment my son strongly said to me “Mum, we are not a yelling family” that I had crossed the threshold into “Angry Bear”.

Despite my false starts, I ran my littles into the creche for the first time and landed on my back in the class. There were many parts of the class that I could just not stretch my body into, but the fact that I had made it there, the fact that I was having a go, was my greatest encouragement.

There are shadows from my past that always emerge in this arena of my life. Shadows that creep up on me at the most unexpected moments. Moments filled with fear, moments grounded in competition and comparison. Moments of guilt and shame that shroud my success in this part of my life.

Exercise is not my favourite, but I know the result is endorphins, a feeling of accomplishment and a Mummy that does not fall into the habit of raising her voice. Breathing deep is also an amazing response from exercise and its companions, drinking more water and reviewing what thoughts are plaguing my mind.

What shadows are stopping you from placing positive scaffolds in your weekly structure?

What self-sabotage moments have you struggled to recover from?

When we start to bring light into those shadowed places, when we refuse to allow fear, guilt and shame to have the final say, we step out into uncharted waters that build our inner person to achieve the dreams that we desire.

Over the weekend, I watched an amazing speaker step into her gifted places and as I leaned in to watch, observe and learn (note not compete, copy and compare), I realised something profound. Her strength had been developed in the quiet place. Her strength came from soul boot camp. Her strength was other worldly.

As I have been sifting through my shadows this week, I have realised many times in my novice motherhood journey, I have allowed my strength to be leached out by the whispers in the shadows.

So back to the gym, I went today, with my babies in tow and my heart hesitant and I said to my shadows…

“Mummy guilt you can take a back seat now. Competition and comparison you can nick off I don’t care if I am the most uncoordinated in the class and I pulled on my exercise pants.”

My happy pants became my armour and I just had a go.

Little by little,

Moment by moment,

The shadows are brought into the light and grace, mercy and truth become our vindicator.

talk again soon,

Amanda

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her persistence

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This last weekend was one of my year highlights. It was my absolute privilege to spend time with hundreds of women at three events and listen to speakers challenge a company of women to live more courageous lives. I came away so inspired as I met woman after woman, new friend after new friend.

The hardest part of the weekend, however, was my brain sifting through the experience of speaking to hundreds of women and the shame that followed. On Saturday night, my brain whirred with questions like…

“Was I too loud?”

“Did I speak too passionately?”

“Was I too much?”

“Did I embarrass myself?”

These are very honest and raw revelations of the creative pursuits that we step out into, no matter how long we have been in the arena, we all have moments filled with shame and embarrassment.

Elizabeth Gilbert in her latest book Big Magic speaks to her fears this way…

“You’re allowed to have a seat and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you’re not allowed to have a vote.”

This best-selling author, TED talk aficionado, Twenty-five million dollar creative guru, still battles with the pain of imperfection, fear, embarrassment and shame. I think as creative truth seekers, we are wired this way and in fact, if we ever come to a place where we are not questioning the quality, power and effectiveness of our work and we believed we have arrived, then, unfortunately, we will slide down the ladder and fall into a pit of pride.

A few weeks ago, knowing that I was going into a season of many new audiences and speaking engagements, I asked a couple of people ahead of me in the journey to give me honest feedback on my speaking. I asked them for help in this season of the journey and the task was not an easy ask. I may look super confident on a stage, but I have many questions, fears, and insecurities that I constantly need to lay down.

It’s not easy to follow through and ask for help.

It’s not easy, to be honest in the areas that we fall down.

It’s not easy to reach out to those ahead of us.

The power of persistence is finding a new normal for those dreams is being courageous enough to have a go and humble enough to accept feedback but be wise enough to know who is honest and safe. 

Every time we try something new and every time we put our work, out in the public sphere, when we do something we have never done before when we publish a blog

when we dream…

when we speak…

when we start a new job…

when we enter a new season…

We will always have questions, we always feel fear, we always are bombarded by the little thorns that are our stumbling block.

Like shame, embarrassment, timidity, intimidation…

The list swells.

What I love about the theme of persistence in Elizabeth Gilberts latest offering Big Magic, is her encouragement to have a go and also to keep moving forward with persistence, even when we are unsure.

“So take your insecurities and your fears and hold them upside down by their ankles and shake yourself free of all your cumbersome ideas about what you require (and how much you need to pay) in order to become creatively legitimate.” Elizabeth Gilbert

My heart is a little tender today from giving out and putting myself in spaces of vulnerability, but I am recalibrating, refining and trusting a source beyond my own strength.

Here is my book club question…

What is a reoccurring block in your persistence? is it fear? is it a shame? is it people’s opinions?

Keep on keeping on my creative friends, even when the little doubts of your worth and value creep in. Just have a go, my friend. Dream Again. Dream Again dreamer.

Amanda

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her mountain

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When Cinderella gave out the passes for being courageous and kind, I put my hand up and pleaded, “yes, please”. I have been enchanted by creativity from a very young age. From the oranges we stuffed down my brother’s leotard as we created a family performance (please don’t read this bro), to the days I stepped onto the stage as a five-year-old blasting out my own rendition of “My favourite things.”

Enchanted by the process.

Enchanted by the produce.

Enchanted by the mountain view.

I think I quite possibly could be the biggest creative, idea junkie there is. Finding and discovering the brilliance of an idea is my absolute thrill. A walking creative encyclopedia that is overwhelmed by the beauty and simplicity of imagination.

I am totally the product of my beautiful Mum’s passion for everything new. She is a problem solver, an idea keeper, a follow through-er. No matter the problem, she throws creativity and applies her imagination to come up with the solution. I grew up with an idea junkie, who passed on her love of idea collection to her children.

The stories, the costumes, the enchanted evenings sitting waiting as my hair was braided and my lines rehearsed. When she drove me to dance classes and waited outside with the gaggle of women, hoping that their little person was delighting in music as much as they did.

I learnt the flute, the piano, the guitar and that was all before high school had even dawned. My dancing repertoire included Jazz, Acro, Musical Theatre, National Dancing, Ballet, Tap and Contemporary classes.

The enchanting beginnings of creativity start in the warm bed, surrounded by pillows as we read books to fall asleep. The ideas are fostered when we stop mid-sentence to give voice and applause to the violin that is hiding the background of a song.

Gilbert says it this way;

“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.”

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

I want to say a huge thank you to my Mum. She offered me the poisoned apple of creativity and I have never been able to run far from it.

Gilbert supposes that the universe plants ideas and seeds deep within us and asks us to excavate out their beauty and I disagree. I think there are role models in our early stages of development, that teach us to dig beyond the places that “normal” suggests we take and dares us to climb mountains.

There is a small group of people who dance upon the mountain of creativity because they take the time and the energy and effort to seek out the view. The view of inspiration, the mountaintop experience of actually pulling something off, the pure exhilaration of seeing your creative dream come true.

Enchantment is just the beginning my creative friend. That is the dance, that is the tease, that is the possibility…

The one who wins is the one who climbs the mountain of that idea. The one who wins is the one who takes the seed and plants it deep in a soil of hard work and tears. The one who overcomes is the one who allows that idea to grow, by nurturing, loving and loathing its very presence in our body.

That my friend is the brilliance of the mountains that we seek. Take that idea, take that enchanted moment of conception and nurture that baby. Grow it my friend and do something that your future self will thank you for.

Capture it.

Grow it.

And climb that bloody mountain.

The view on the other side is not one that many people can say that they have actually felt the satisfaction of.

Here is my book club question.

“What mountain would you like to climb? a book, a business idea, a singing lesson, an instrument?”

Till we meet again fellow inspiration seeker.

Thanks for checking in on my book club journey

Amanda