Author: Amanda Viviers

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When you think you cannot dream again

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Brene Brown’s latest book Rising Strong has me reeling.

I knew it would overtake me when I committed to reading and blogging about it in the month of October for our new online book club, but honestly I had no idea that it would convict me like it has and I am only two chapters down.

How often do we let our dreams die and live frustrated because we have failed?

One of the most dangerous of kind is one who has realised that despite their failure, that they can begin to dream again.

Dream of possibilities,

Dream of what was seeded in hearts long ago,

Dream again of those deep utterances that they have not shared with a soul.

Dreamers.

Doers.

Believers.

The waiters.

The in-betweeners.

The frustrated.

The forgotten.

The disillusioned.

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible. ” T. E. Lawrence

Have you forgotten how to dream?

I want to be a dreamer of the day.

Not the kind of dreaming, that finds us startled in the midst of our slumber but the sweaty, dusty, in the middle of the day dreaming of possibilities that have not yet been realised.

Have you stopped dreaming?

Has pain taken the wind way out of your sails and you are not sure you can have another go?

I totally get what that feels like.

Read this from Brene that I read today and I nearly fell off the couch…

“The opposite of recognising that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognise our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” Brené Brown, Rising Strong

I know in the midst of failure, broken relationship, dreams that have been derailed, it feels impossible to dream again, but I promise you that you can choose how this story ends.

Rise strong my dear friend,

Dream Again.

Come on the journey with us in October and buy the book or download it online, I cannot wait to see what has been stopping me from really stepping into arena’s that just keep on holding me down in my everyday.

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How to disagree with friends well.

friends

friends

I really struggle to disagree with people. I have differences of opinions often and I am not shy to speak my mind but I always walk away shaking.

I really don’t like having hard conversations with people. At the same time though, I am also completely convinced that authenticity and honesty go hand in hand, so hard conversations follow this philosophy I live by.

Does this make it easy though?

Absolutely not.

If I tell someone I disagree with them, if I have to tell someone “no”, if I have to have a hard conversation, my heart quakes for days. I may look hard on the outside, but I am honestly soft real close by. It’s like I was created like Creme Caramel. I look like Im tough to break, but a quick tap and the custard flows fast and thick.

Maybe it is because I care deeply for people and struggle with the uneasy place in our relationship. I don’t know, but lately I have been feeling the weight of hard conversations more than ever before.

I wish I could just keep my mouth shut.

I wish I could stop the conversation before it gets awkward.

But I really don’t want to spend time in shallow relationships, keeping things nice and clean, just so it doesn’t ever get awkward.

I want to keep things real. Super real and that is not an easy path.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

Finding peace and serenity in the area of relationships is not about brushing over wrongs quickly, it is having courage to live reasonably happy in the midst of difference.

Ghandi was well known to be a person who often spoke his mind but was a constant advocate for peace. He wrote this about friendship;

friends quote

Honest difference.

What a fabulous thought. We do not need to be the same to be deep spirited friends. It is okay to have differences between friendships and hold onto that which created the union in the first place.

Just like the beginning of this poetic prayer states, in friendship to find a way to let go that which we cannot change and have courage to change which we can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Imagine if we applied this wisdom to our realm of friendships.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about who I call my friends and I am more determined than ever to engage my heart and life with those who are on the journey with me but also to hold people lighter than ever before.

In the past I was known to be someone who cared deeply for my friends.

In fact a lot of them with a heart that was so in the right place, would try to change my friends for the better.

These days I am learning that this is not my place or right. I want to be someone who is honest. I want to be a friend that accepts difference. Someone who speaks life and truth, but doesn’t own the result of those changes.

It is not our place to change people.

It is not our place to change friends.

However honest difference means that we speak the truth with care and love, holding people lightly, allowing them to transition seasons with grace and know that sometimes, some friends don’t shift into the season you are now in.

It doesn’t change the beauty of what you experienced together though.

It doesn’t change the past.

What if we engaged healthily in the movement and changing tides of people’s lives and helped them to be released into light and love?

What if we loved deeply, but held on lightly?

I totally believe it is possible.

In the area of friendships and relationships I am learning to not insist that friends think the same as me, I am learning to accept difference, but at the same time speak the truth in love.

What a crazy, audacious plan in the area of our friends and family. Can we love people enough to allow them to make their own decisions and live differently to us but create opportunities where we can be so honest that it doesn’t break the fragile place between us.

Some big thoughts this Sunday Eve,

Sleep well truth seekers,

Talk tomorrow

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What about being surprised?

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My son is a little late to the party but he has a major crush on Ana from Frozen.

Today Cate and I sat together and planned the final details of our upcoming retreat in just 14 days time. After dreaming and talking, thinking and problem solving, we sat to pray together.

A funny little side note though, is as soon as we started to pray, I could hear the background song of my son’s favourite all time tune of “let it go” blaring in the background.

The funniest part of this, is I struggle big time to let things go.

I work hard, I engage my heart and mind, I am a works kinda girl.

When we talk about surrender, it can be seen as a last resort, okay I am just letting go and whatever will be, will be.

Enter the serenity prayer…

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

Surrender is not so much a dumping something on the ground, with our hands on our hips saying “I GIVE UP”.

It is a simple knowledge that greater plans can be executed when we hold our ideas a little more loosely.

Just recently I was talking about twenty sixteen to my friend Kelley from Kinwomen. We were talking about the potential of what next year could look like. Now I need to put in a little footnote here. My friend Kelley is just as much as a details/ control-ish kinda/ driven/ choleric personality as me. So the wisdom that came out of her mouth stopped me profoundly.

She said this;

“Amanda, what if we just let God surprise us!”

Yes, what if the answer is just allowing more surprises to come our way?

Yes, engage.

Yes, pursue truth and hope and wisdom.

But what if the song of Let it go, became an anthem in our current season and we became courageous warriors, who left the worrying and control to a greater power.

What if?

We allowed a little more surprise in our everyday life.

What could possibly come of it?

I think the art of surrender, is so much more than a dropping of the weight, it is a releasing the end of the story to the potential of being blown away by the limitless possibilities.

Frozen, you may be so addictive for our littles, because you actually are speaking truth into the atmosphere, that we just need to surrender a little more.

Till tomorrow, I’m seeking serenity and trying desperately to just let that stuff go.

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Finding trust in the most unlikely of places

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Trust is something that continues to plague me week after week, month after month.

How do I possibly regain trust after it has been broken?

Reinhold Niebuhr’ s poetic prayer about serenity, continues to be the hallmark utterance of most AA meetings around the world daily.

Every time these brave souls gather, they speak out this prayer, releasing themselves and those in their circle from the shame that encases their addictions.

One of the hardest walks of an addict or an addicts family though is the tightrope of trust. It is okay to say that we have let the past go and find peace in the therapy of stepping into the new but what about trusting those who have broken our trust?

Every time that trust is given, it has the capacity to be broken again.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

Lately I have been reflecting on what trust is. It is like a bank of privilege, when we show up, say what we said we would do, notice, help, speak truth, these all build up the privileges in the account of the beholder.

What about the times that we don’t?

What about when we lie?

When we don’t show up?

When we take something we shouldn’t?

When we gossip?

It’s just like we are addicts as well. Maybe not to drugs or alcohol, but maybe were addicted to people’s opinions, to buying more than our bank balance allows. Maybe were addicted to fame, our growing instagram accounts. Maybe were addicted to things, food, coffee.

It is like we take from that bank of privilege and there comes a day when the account is in arrears.

Trust is easily broken and it is difficult to regain.

That is the greatest challenge of being human. The brokenness of our vessels and our need for reformation. Our desire for someone to bring it all together and help us make sense of it all.

Our desire to find our way home, in the midst of the struggle.

Many people misunderstand my beliefs when I tell them that I am Christian, believing the cultural representations of my beliefs rather than the story of time after time, where I cannot deny the presence of Deity in my days.

Yes He may not be physically present, but I have had experience after experience, where the circumstances are far from coincidence.

If we sat together today drinking a glass of wine, I would not speak of rules, shame and religion. I would simply tell you stories of amazing grace and privilege that has marked my days. Stories of hope and restoration, of miracles and beauty. Stories scattered with someone who has every reason to be mistrusted but finds her head lifted again.

Lately I have been watching some amazing stories unfold in my life. Stories that I can only account to the bank of riches that have been stored up, by someone who sees beyond my today.

The same principle applies, I trust him because I have honestly seen His hand of presence in my days and doors open, people intersecting and understanding gained when I see the bigger picture of what is being woven together for good.

Reinhold Niebuhr’ s prayer relies upon trust built on a knowledge that all things will be made right, I am far from ashamed of my beliefs because I have seen it to be true in so many people’s lives.

I know that bad things happen and there is so much in our world we cannot change, but I truly believe there is someone ahead of us, reorienting and helping things come together for good.

It is all about surrender and letting go of control.

This is the hallmark of trust.

This is the higher calling.

There are many days that I question His orienteering skills, but I often smile at the outworking of a bigger plan when I trust and surrender.

Serenity is not a place of oasis, it is a wrestle to find our place in the bigger purpose.

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Bad things happen to good people

Flowers, inspiration

Flowers, inspiration

I like things to resolve.

Movies with a predictable ending,

A clean sink at the end of the day,

A song on the radio that plods,

Tied shoelaces and Coffee with crema.

I like tidy.

A credit card on zero,

My petrol tank full,

An empty washing basket.

These are little things that make me feel that my life is going to be okay.

I must sound so shallow, but if I am anxious or worried, if I start to tick things off my task list, then my emotions start to subside. These attributes have some great strengths for some situations.

If you are travelling with me, I will never forget snacks for the trip, I am hardly ever late and I remember details often.

On the flip side of this equation, combined with my strategic nature, I struggle deeply with injustice and I struggle terribly when life doesn’t resolve.

How about you?

Can you let things slide easily?

Or do you wrestle with the injustice of it all.

In the wake of instituting another Prime Minister in Australia, overnight, the thing I wrestled with was not who was in power, but the absolute waste of effort and money, to reorganise our government, again.

I was up half the night thinking of the staff, the business cards, the website change overs, the money spent on putting another leader in power, whilst children sit hungry in our own neighbourhoods. I am infuriated by the politicking whilst aid is cut across our nation. That we have money and time, to institute another leader, who will get paid for the rest of their life, yet we don’t have enough to keep community organisations open.

Bad things happen to good people.

Injustice is everywhere.

Even deeper injustice is friends who are the most amazing people who can’t fall pregnant, close friends who waited for years and years to find the right marriage partner, to fall terminally ill within the first year of marriage.

Injustice.

Terrible life situations.

The Serenity Prayer says this;

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;

One of the greatest injustices, is when someone takes the fall for someone else, when they did not deserve it. It is so greatly unjust.

Yet this is the greatest redemption story of all time and I reel every time I think about the power of its purpose.

If you are wrestling with injustice today and struggling to make sense of bad things happening to good people. You are far from alone.

Sometimes life just does not make sense, but the thing I do know is that great trial, ends with great victory. When we surrender to the humility of it all and take the higher ground, no matter the circumstances we win.

May you find serenity today no matter the circumstance. May it reign supreme in your world.signature