Author: Amanda Viviers

There is a trap that holds so many of us captive. It is a very silent, sneaky one.

It can trip us up at an unsuspecting moment.

A quick flick through the newspaper, a little read of a magazine, a scroll through a beautiful instagram feed, maybe even a read of this blog.

Comparison.

It kidnaps us all at some point in our lives and holds us for ransom until we find the bounty of perspective once again.

Look at her life, she has it all together.

What if she actually knew what I thought of her?

If only I had what she has then everything would be so different.

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
Marcus Aurelius

Mothers Day is not a fabulous celebration for most women. There is a fair amount of comparison lurking beneath the surface, waiting to capture the heart that dives into its depths.

“Look at what he bought for her, all I got was this crappy macramé pot plant holder.”

“God, I miss her so much, if only I could have a celebration like what they are having.”

“My Mum never did that for me, why should I even bother.”

“If only I was a Mum, then everything would be different.”

Comparison is a thief that steals the joy of our everyday moments. It is like a ladder competing with our neighbour that ends up nowhere. The problem is that we have missed the amazing view that is surrounding us. We loose perspective of the beauty that is very present.

If days like Mother’s Day are difficult for you, I understand and I see you.

Take time today, to remove yourself from the place where comparison robs you of your joy.

Remind yourself of the beauty in your season for today.

Remind yourself of the perfection in the ordinary moments.

Remind yourself that you are loved, you are graced and you are fearfully made.

Try not to watch the feed of everyone else’s highlight reels and let comparison steal you away this year.

Acknowledge your today and give thanks for hope in tomorrow.

A group of friends and I have a little secret. We have been working on it late at night, sending group texts scheming and planning. I can honestly say this little secret has seriously changed my creative mojo lately. It has me inspired.

It is a simple little something.

It is a creative muse we have started.

Honestly though it has me spellbound.

Everywhere I walk lately I am thinking about it.

I talk about it all the time with my little creative gang.

One could say I’m obsessed.

I have been taking my camera with me everywhere I go and whenever I see anything remotely interesting you can see me clicking away.

I have left my phone home more.

I have been dreaming up little photo shoots in my mind.

I am inspired.

This little secret, is the simplest little idea.

Four of us take photos in our local area of secrets, cafes, sunsets, inspiration moments, people, stories and we post them.

It is that simple but what it has done is completely changed my perspective of everything locally in my area.

I find myself thinking about all the brilliance in my little seaside town rather than the bad.

I keep finding new and interesting things that we could profile.

I feel like we are positively communicating worth to our local people in the midst of the storm and tide of so much negativity.

The simplest little secret that is making such a massive difference.

Shhh, don’t tell anyone.

What is something simple you can do in your everyday to live inspired?

 

 

 

Lately I have been a part of quite a few dissatisfied conversations. Chats that have been surrounded with innuendo that has made me question how we communicate what we want from love.

Wives who are wanting to be noticed by their husbands.

Single women who are dating but quite turned off by the prospect of who is near.

Friends who are sharing their hearts with vulnerability and a heaviness that feels quite sticky, addictive and confusing.

They have made me seek and listen more lately with questions like…

How do we make someone love us more?

How do we communicate dissatisfaction without wounding?

How do we be honest without tearing hearts apart?

These thoughts have been bouncing around and last week I felt like I had a little private revelation about love.

This was my little moment of realisation. (It is a little hard  to express and to get clear so bare with me.)

If we are always disappointed in love, then maybe we have our expectations set so high that they will never be met no matter the extender of love.

I have been married now for four years, I have been dating the same man for six years and throughout this time, I have been thinking about how I communicate love and have been looking for it to be reciprocated.

Most of us have heard of the ‘love languages theory’. I am a gifts girl, I am a words girl. These are the ways I receive and communicate love. Everyone tells us to take time to learn the way that your partner, friend, mum, wife, husband communicates love and alter your method accordingly. The more I have explored this teaching personally, the more I have found myself feeling a little dissatisfied.

What if we changed our love language to suit the person who was extending it?

What if we spent more time being grateful and acknowledging the love that is being extended to us rather than being dissatisfied with what we don’t have?

I am not saying we shouldn’t express our needs and hope to be heard but what if I acknowledged the brilliance in my present rather than spending hours hoping for something that is not natural to the one giving it.

For example; My husband is not great at presents, he’s not great at flowers, he’s not great at remembering big days, it’s just not his thing. He tries so hard to remember to encourage me and extend words of encouragement, but he would much prefer to show me his love through acts of service.

His thing is working hard and he gives it his all. His thing is cleaning (don’t hate me) his thing is ironing. His thing is working overtime, so I can stay home with our kids and enjoy this season that is moving so fast. His thing is stability. His thing is looking after our kids with intentionality. He is amazing at quality time. He is amazing at acts of service.

Lately I have been stopping myself mid act of service and saying internally “This is his expression of love. He is loving me right now. This is him communicating how much he cares.” Taking time to acknowledge him and his expression.

In that relationship that you are feeling dissatisfied in, what is their thing?

The little moments of me acknowledging the love that is being extended, has been the most beautiful revelation of love. The more I look for his expressions of love, the more I see it, the more I feel loved. I honestly wasn’t feeling unloved or unappreciated but the more conversations I had that were full of dissatisfaction the more I questioned?

Conversations with others,

Social Media,

Dramatic expressions of love on the media,

These all can warp our perception of what true love really is.

The simplicity of changing my perspective and being present in the beautiful moments of love being extended (even though they don’t look like the ones that come natural to me) has been delightful.

What is being extended?

Maybe this could be your key to making him love you more?

Maybe you are just speaking a different language and you need to go to language school and learn what method they are communicating through?

Maybe you just need to notice a little more, rather than holding such high expectations?

Maybe you need to have a simple chat explaining why you feel dissatisfied?

Maybe you are doing just fine.

Maybe you are not.

The exploration of how we receive and give love though is a beautiful use of ones time. Learning more about ourselves and how we tick, makes us much more able to understand emotions that sometimes overwhelm.

Maybe you are loved more than you think and you have just been misreading the expression.