Category: Creativity

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Day 39: weakness

point Peron
Point Peron

I don’t like feeling weak.

Vulnerability,

Fear,

Inability to push through,

Weakness.

I work on strengthening myself and I know that strength comes from discipline and submission but weakness it irks me.

Reading, stretching, forgiving and processing these are all active parts of my everyday. However lately, especially with the language of grief surrounding so many stories in my daily life, I am surrounded by imperfection, grief, suffering, injustice and I hate it. From cancer, to broken relationships, death, disease, bankruptcy, there is a tone of difficulty across my community at the moment. I am not a naturally pessimistic person, but lately I have been questioning very deep theological thoughts and the lament in my heart is becoming a wail.

Weakness.

What is it about this vulnerable place that holds us captive in shame?

When I focus on my health, my mind, my perceived success and failure it is difficult to find the grace I so desperately need. When I focus on God, there is a shift. That shift is powerful but that shift is often painful. Lent is the pain walk towards the power and presence of a God, that sacrificed His one and only Son, to bring strength to humanity. Lent is the walk towards this known betrayal. Lent is the sojourn towards learning to let go. Lent is a weak and feeble walk, from a God who has the capacity to breathe life into every part of the world.

Weakness is not something that we are encouraged in culturally. It is shamed actually, yet in a place of weakness we have the capacity to allow the strength and grace of God to fill us. It has the capacity to overflow in our lives over and over again.

This is the complex grapple in the lenten space.

Lately my health has been compromised and it is not extreme, but for me personally it has been a struggle. An infection in my leg that will not heal. Two surgeries and awaiting the third later, many tests, a MRI and I am feeling overwhelmed-ly weak. I get to an end of the day and I ache. I get to the end of a day with two toddlers and I am fatigued. Tears have dripped down my face from sheer exhaustion.

Something simple, but in my walk it has been a crazy start to a year with so much perceived potential.

How about you?

Do you feel weak?

Are you ashamed of your imperfect places?

Are there areas of deep lament and disappointment in your today?

Often people ask me how I can believe in a God, that sometimes seemingly forgets us. Eugene Peterson challenges me often as a wordsmith and this perspective from him is deeply moving.

Christian spirituality, the contemplative life, is not about us. It is about God. The great weakness of American spirituality is that it is all about us: fulfilling our potential, getting the blessings of God, expanding our influence, finding our gifts, getting a handle on principles by which we can get an edge over the competition. The more there is of us, the less there is of God. EUGENE PETERSON

How often do we bring contemporary culture into our faith spaces and try to make them co-exist?

Have we made the modern faith walk towards Easter about us? About numbers? About productions? About success?

When it is the one time of the year that we are moved towards the desert, dark night of the soul. Often God draws us out into desert experiences, where we deeply and painfully experience our own weakness. The desert is not the place we want to thrive in, but our faith is deepened and found waiting in these places of perseverance.

Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Cor 12: 9

Yesterday as I read the beginnings of this powerful 40 day journey for lent, these words from Alicia Chole pierced me…

“Deserts un-clutter the soul. The hot desert sun vaporises all manner of luxuries. Then the cold, shelterless nights expose the essential guts of life. I needed to eat, to sleep, to be protected, and to not be alone. Lent had come half a year early. God asked me to fast mental and physical strength. He invited me into holy weakness.

I found Jesus there.”

I stopped reading her book two pages in and sobered my wandering heart.

What if success, inspiration and fulfilment was not the point?

I know that relationship is more important than acclaim, position and power. When did I start believing, what I did for God was more important than my deep calls to deep conversation with Him?

Weakness.

A forty day, communal focus upon the most disillusioning season of the disciples lives.

Day 39: weakness in our reality is where we meet God.

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finding your way, again.

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Liberty Elizabeth, aged 18 months.
Three words have been resounding around my heart and head for twenty sixteen and this blog. This little message began to emerge as a reoccurring theme towards the end of my last season, as they often do and have not left my day to day.

These words are basic yet profound. They are powerfully simple and I know that they are a message for my own life as well as some others who follow my random thoughts over here on this piece of the internet.

Last year the theme of the in-between, was so strong that I could not let go of its message. I walked around and around its citadel until late in twenty fifteen, until I felt a simple encouragement rise from the depths of my very being that whispered softly “The in-between is now over.”

The theme for my new season is this…

“find your voice”

There is something so strong emerging, where I know a strength of womanhood is arising, where there is a company of women realising that through authenticity, through facing weakness, by not being afraid of failure, they can step out and bring their uniqueness to their place in the world.

A company of women is arising.

A strength of womanhood, that is not saying that they are better or stronger than their male counterparts, they are just not content anymore with quietening themselves to make others happy.

A breadth of womanhood who is not filling their days with gossip and strife, but stepping out into places of breakthrough where they begin to live the life they have silently dreamed of.

Women who write with courage.

Women who speak with conviction.

Women who are not afraid of their submitted power.

Women who do not compare themselves with other women and pull them down in their moment of victory.

These are the thoughts that have been consuming me of late, thoughts of encouraging a sound from women who have been suppressed, abused, beaten and accused.

I feel so compelled to help you to find your voice again. Helping you to speak a little louder, to not be afraid of the shout that is forming in your chest, to speak out what has been plaguing you and to bring your finest expression to your perspective.

To implore you towards counsellors, pastors, prayer and perspective. To inspire you about going back to university if that has been on your mind and saying yes to the opportunities to speak out.

To like loudly when I see your posts on Facebook of the new initiatives, books, blogs and creative pursuits that are filling your days.

To write here bravely and keep sending my manuscripts to publishers, asking that doors be open, because every time a door opens for me, it opens a space for those who follow my heart and life. 

Every time a door opens, it means that new opportunities for those closest and those who comment, those who engage, those who are a part of my tribe. We walk into these new places and lands together.

It confuses me sometimes when women struggle to celebrate a friends release into a new season, opportunity or accomplishment. Every time we are filled with rage, jealousy, comparison or competition, we exclude ourselves from the absolute joy and satisfaction of revelling in another achieving what they have dreamed of.

I declare this new day to be here. A day when we help each other find our voices and not shut each other down. That we dance when our tribe wins a victory and we mourn when they are weakened in battle.

A company of creative women is rising.

A group of uncommon poets and artisans.

Women who live surrendered to the power of community and seeing the company of womanhood win, rather than the individual teared down. Women who start to write, write, write until their hands ache and their heart sweats from the intentionality of their focus. Women who desire greatly to serve with their whole hearts and follow it up with the tone and tension in their words. Women who design differently, who bring a fresh voice of committed dedication, women who strive to lay down their ego and listen to anothers dreams.

A company of women who believe for greater days, pray for breakthrough like never before and a people who are so deeply aware that life is so very fragile and short.

Women who are the same tenure at the school gate, as they are in their church bathroom stalls, women who see the pain in another woman’s eyes and rock up at their front door with a meal cooked for their children. Women who create without fear of being criticised by her gang, but cheered on for taking a step and expressing the pearls that lay dormant in the depths of her person.

Women who encourage honestly and cheer loudly.

Women who say sorry but not for being born.

Women who find strength when they lift another and speak out for the injustice that plagues societies core.

Women who raise young women who are not afraid to be different.

Women who find what they were created for, even when life has made them forget.

Passion is writhing in my soul, to see this company of women find their voices and their way again.

Twenty sixteen, you have my attention.

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Is your dream big enough?

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Dwellingup |  Photo: Amanda Viviers

We were shopping for something very specific, school shoes, school bags, you know the painstaking trip. My three year old became fixated on a pair of shoes that didn’t really match my idea of what was school efficient, plus they were a size and probably a half too big, with no smaller options. A meltdown was ensuing on both sides of the Mummy and Max team, with Libby slowly pulling anything within reach off the shelves.

This was the beautiful background context to today’s inspiring story.

We were one month old in launching our new business Maximus & Liberty, we were one week out of the craziness of a last minute trip to New Zealand and my patience was thin from the pain of growth and living a life inspired.

In fact, I was probably regretting taking courageous risks, more than I was feeling the beauty of our newborn dream realised.

Have you ever had those days.

Days of regret?

Days with overwhelmed feelings of “what have we done”?

Days when you realise that your friends and family are asking the exact same question without whispering the words out loud?

Dreams awakening are not for the faint hearted, it is easy to come up with ideas, but to actually have the courage to take the risk and have a go, that is next level faith. Back to Target and our school shopping expedition and what happened next.

As we walked past the linen and home wares aisle, my husband pulled a throw pillow off the shelf and threw it casually into our school themed trolley. I looked at him, not much was said between us, until I got home and I rolled my eyes.

As much as I live my life seeking and drawing out inspiration, there are days when another quote is just not what I need.

The pillow said this…

If you dream big enough anything can come true.

Some days lately I have wanted to throw the pillow out of our window.

Living an intentional life, living a life where you are designing the type of future of your dreams is not the kind of life for the fearful.

We were sitting in church on the weekend and our pastor spoke a message that challenged every regret in our today. His words were steeped in faith and expectation. He spoke about courage and taking risks, it was the exact message we needed to hear.

Courage to take risks,

Courage in wisdom,

Courage to take the steps necessary to live the life you have dreamed of.

It reminded us of a message we heard from Erwin McManus last year when he made this profound statement;

One of the great ironies is that most people do not think of themselves as artists or believe that they are creative.  Yet we all have dreams and aspirations.  We all have, if only as a quiet whisper, a voice within our souls calling us to awaken our creative essence.   Too often the voice calling us to embrace our artisan soul is overshadowed by all the voices that tell us we are less.

Most people have been diminished by the voices that have silenced their childlike wonder and faith.  Here, by the way, is a good measure for when you are hearing the voice of God- God never makes you less human; He always make you most fully and beautifully human.

True courage takes great risk.

The future does not belong to the faint hearted, it belongs to the brave.

Ronald Regan

Every day that I see that pillow sitting on the chair in the corner of our lounge room, it is like a beacon of hope to my soul and it implores me to take heart and courage stepping into the brilliance of God’s plans for our future.

Are your dreams big enough my friend?

Or can you do them without hope and help?

If your dreams are not scaring you, then maybe they are so achievable that you are making them safe and therefore God-less.

Step out and dream brave my friends.

Take risks and have courage to actually act today on the dreams that lie dormant.

Pick up that manuscript,

Type that blog,

Put on those exercise clothes,

Step into the great unknown,

Pull out that camera,

Write that book proposal,

Contact that person,

Step forward with what you have in your hands today, even if it is very, very small.

Be bold and courageous, your future self will thank you.

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enough for today

Worry
“So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Yesterday as we dipped in and out of the ocean all day, I had an meandering conversation with my Mum talking about everything and nothing. We watched my babes build sand castles and rescue imaginary people with helicopters. We taught my little how to swim and not be afraid. We solved the world with every word, contemplating the complexity of human relationship.

One little quirk I noticed in my conversation is how many times we started our sentences with…

“I worry that…”

“I worry about…”

“I worry because…”

As two mothers chatting with decades of experience between us, one of the greatest struggles we were divulging was the impact of worry on our motherhood.

I am a dreamer, I spend much of my day thinking about the future. I play around with different ideas, I seek pastures of fulfilment, I spend a lot of my today in tomorrow.

As I look across the unfolding landscape of twenty sixteen, if I am really honest some really big dreams I have held for many, many years are coming to pass. In just a couple of months time I am going to Bangkok and Nepal, a dream that has laid dormant for decades. Most months of this year I have been invited to speak at events right around Australia including Darwin (which I have never visited before), Sydney and Melbourne. In October this year I turn forty and honestly I am so excited about the prospect of this opportunity because I simply have no regrets. I have lived my life wide and open, my today is honestly breathtakingly difficult and I am not ashamed to say I am living the life I have dreamed of.

With my littles in tow, with a beach shack that provides shelter, a community of friends and family who are my portion, a sense of contribution that is life defining. I am so grateful. I am more than grateful, I am completely overwhelmed at the goodness of God.

Despite this humbling perspective, I still worry.

Each invite to travel I get, I worry desperately about my children and whether enough is enough.

Each time I listen and document someone’s story, I play out the plotline across my own and I worry whether my life will take such a drastic turn.

I worry my son spends too much time with technology.

I worry whether his chicken nugget obsession will make him turn into one.

I worry if I am enough for my friends, my husband, my God…you get the picture.

And then I find a scripture like the one from Matthew 6:34, where Jesus encourages us to remain present in our today.

“So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

It sounds a little dark when you take it out of context, but across the whole passage, it is imploring us to trust that the Father of all, that the Creator of the universe, He is the one who brings all things together and is at work in our today.

So this year, rather than making decisions out of the handicap of worry, I am determined to change my language to one of trust. I am determined to shift my focus into one of gratitude for what is present in my today and every time I say that I worry about…

To shift my language and perspective to one of thanksgiving for what I have, rather than what could possibly happen.

For Today.

I am thankful.

For Today.

I am grateful.

For Today.

I will remain in the peace of his promise rather than the worry of tomorrow.

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can my courage be enough?

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gather + grow [photography for the un-photograher]

On the weekend we gathered with a group of girls, who love photography but would not call themselves photographers. We each pulled out our cameras and dared to turn them off automatic and start to shoot manual.

There is something about gathering with people who are honest enough to say, I want to learn and enjoy the process but at the same time am unsure. Our gather and grow sessions require courage. Courage to sit at a table with strangers, courage to say this is who I am and I want to learn. Courage to show up. Courage to speak about areas we don’t know much about. To admit that we don’t know.

Everytime I do something that takes me out of my comfort zone and stretches my capacity, courage grows.

I think sometimes I just expect of myself that courage is something I should have. I question whether the little bit of courage that hovers in my soul is enough. People often ask me how I do the brave things I often do in my world, like write, speak, my crazy random ideas and mostly I tell them honestly “I am just having a go and making most of it up along the way.”

The reason I am so passionate about creativity is it is like an elixer for our courage health. Creativity connects us to our true voice, the part of us that communicates without words with our worth. When we express something, when we learn a new skill, when we find a nugget of truth and it sinks in to bring health and intention to our self esteem.

When we open ourselves up with courage to do something we have never done before, it is like the muscle of courage is excercised and it makes us stronger.

Do you ever feel like you dont have enough courage?

Does your fear of failure stop you from stepping into situations that you kn0w would be so good for you but your courage wanes?

I know that feeling well. You may read my writing and watch my life stream through social media assuming that courage comes easily to me, but thats not always the case.

Everytime I do something new, everytime I show up in a social situation, each time I speak the truth even when it hurts, it requires a big dose of courage and there are some days that I worry whether my courage will be enough.

Like today, I am in hospital again having surgery on my leg, just day surgery, I am going home to my family sometime soon but this morning as I floated away under general anesthetic I seriously questioned whether my courage would be enough.

In pre-op, I heard families chatting about their pending birth of their baby, I heard a four year old screaming in pain, I watched nurses tending to their patients. I needed to excercise my courage muscle.

I breathed deeply, I prayed silently, I en-couraged myself softly.

Courage is not something that we each have, it is a part of our life and love that grows.

The people who are most courageous are those who have grown their courage and nurtured it.

I love this Psalm 27

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage.

The reason I love it is because the poet is telling us courage is available for the taking. We can find it. We can gain it. Courage is a big part of our life that can grow. Every time we show up and do something we never thought we could, it’s like we inject our hearts with courage. Every time we fill our minds with the truth rather than negative false truths, courage arises. Every time we do something that is deeply connected with our love, passions or purpose courage grows.

If you are questioning whether your courage is enough for the new season that is awakening, just know that it is a seed that has the potential to grow.

Whether you are contemplating leaving your job and stepping into a new season, wondering how you will survive another year like the last, going to an event that scares you, book in for a mentoring session, take time to answer the New Year questions, write a blog or even use your camera without the automatic settings….

Everytime you feel the fear and do it anyway, your courage may not feel like it is enough but it grows.

The only way your courage recedes is when we don’t step out and do the things we have been intending to. Courage is only activated in the doing.

Dear Lord,

Help me to step out and activate my courage this year. Show me ways to trust and breathe in deeply the truth of your words. May my life be an example to others of strength in You. May my life be a beacon of courage, even though often it feels so far from it. May I have the courage to keep stepping forward towards dreams I have held deeply for years, even though there are times when I question whether I am worthy.

Amen

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