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the last time I cried.

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On Saturday evening just gone, I sat in a dark room with hundreds of people and cried. Tears dripped down my face and I relived my childhood.

The lights were turned low, the crowd was hushed and music captivated hearts, the curtain rose and I took a big breath. It wasn’t until the little ballerina’s tripped across the stage, that the tears started to flow. Bright coloured tutu’s took my creative heart back to those many years and many concerts and those costumes I adored.

You see, I grew up falling asleep under theatre seats. Every Thursday night and Sunday night, we had rehearsals with our local theatre company. My mum was an amazing actor and I had my first audition for a musical theatre show, when I was 5 years old. Most years we would be involved in two to three productions a year.

Make up, lights, costumes and hairspray.

Scripts, high heels, accents and stage managers.

One of my most vivid memories from my childhood was the night we were wearing our costumes home in the car after being in a performance of ‘Annie’. Suddenly with a splatter and cough, our old combi van broke down. We had no choice but to get out and walk, we had school the next day. So there we were dressed as orphans and our mum Mrs Hannigan, walking along one of the main roads of our seaside town. I can remember the toots of the horns and the flashes of the lights like it was yesterday.

What an adventure.

What a story to tell the kids the next day at school.

I was so cool.

Who had time for 7pm bedtime stories, we were living our dreams out on a stage with vivid colours, lights, with singing and dancing.

We grew up without a Tizzie Hall sleep routine, we grew up without an iPad or computer in our hand, we grew up exploring countries and customs as we pretended to be characters from their foreign lands.

It is because of the way that I experienced life as a child that I am so passionate about creativity now as an adult.

There is something profoundly rich about a childhood full of colour, life and brave moments on a stage. I cannot wait to see my son perform in his first dance concert, in the city at the convention centre this weekend. A memory of self-worth, confidence and achievement, I hope as a two-year old he will never forget.

A rich childhood, full of memories of life, colour and creativity. This is my dream for him. That he would find what he is good at and express it extravagantly.

How about you?

When was the last time you cried?

Happy tears or sad ones?

And what memory did they bring to the surface?

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Santa, a homeless man and a box of ice creams

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imageYesterday I had the most surreal morning and it involved Santa, a homeless man and a box of ice-creams. A regular old morning down in our coastal suburb turned somewhat strange.

My son had a little bit of cabin fever, so I decided to take him down to our local shops for an ice-cream. We walked through our local Woolworths and bought a box of ice-creams and I silently said ‘God what am I going to do with the rest of these they will melt?’

As I walked outside of the shopping centre, an old man came up to me and asked ‘Where did you get those ice-creams from?’ I said ‘In Woolworths, would you like one?’ With tears in his eyes, he looked straight at me and said ‘Thank you, I would love one.’

I walked away thinking ‘That was very strange, but I’m sure that he was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to.’

As I walked towards my car, I felt a little guilty that I often don’t take time to respond in simple ways like that, but wanted to live more generously this Christmas. As I arrived at my car, I looked through an alleyway and saw a young homeless man sitting in a hoodie, with a sign that said ‘I need money for accommodation’.

I took a deep breath and put my children in their car seats and wished my Body Builder was with me. He would have walked over straight away and given the young man some money, but I was like ‘God I can’t do this, by myself with two little children.’

I sat in my car and thought, but I have a box of ice-creams.

Maybe I could give him an ice-cream. Just as that thought was passing through my mind, the most random thing happened. Out of the alleyway came travelling a big princess kind of carriage, with two big horses and Santa.

Santa rode his carriage straight past this young homeless guy and flung a bunch of lolly pops at him. The young homeless person stood up and limped over and collected all the candy. It was at that moment, I knew I needed to be brave and go and talk to him.

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I drove over, asked him what was happening and he said ‘I need twenty more dollars so I have somewhere to sleep until my next pay day.’ I gave him the twenty dollars and asked if he would like an ice-cream.

He took two.

Then I drove away dazed, turned the corner and there was Santa and his sleigh, trotting down a suburban street (probably on his way to an event or something) and my two-year old was spellbound.

We stopped the car, Maximus jumped out and Santa launched lolly pops at him.

Max was like Mum, ‘Is it Christmas?’

I said ‘Yes babe, this is what Christmas is all about.’

Noticing people, helping those with not much and special memories that will never be forgotten.

As we get swept away in the hype this year, let’s be brave and walk down alley ways and help those who don’t have much.

Everyday, Ordinary encounters, that make Christmas forever memories.

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I am writing each day of December following the prompts from Life Captured Inc. Go back to December 1 to start the journey afresh.

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A lot can happen in a year

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Would you like to make decisions to make 2015 intentional?

Every New Year for over a decade I have taken a day to reflect and answer these questions. The result is an amazing amount of insight and help towards living the life I have dreamed of.

Honestly, the life I live today is the one I wrote about whilst doing this exercise ten years ago.

Join me by downloading these Change Reflection Questions and take time to dream this New Year.

New Year Change Reflection

Have a great day

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Two clicks from the sea

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two clicks from the seas

Even though we live two clicks from the sea, each and every day when I look out my kitchen window I stare at a grey, boring, ugly fence.

Good morning, hello fence.

Olive trees awash the sky behind it and each new day become my forecasting friends. Bendy trees equal ‘Stay inside weather’, swaying trees; ‘it’s perfect beach-combing weather’ or when stillness pervades, ‘I must rush outside as the weather is sublime.’

Washing dishes is my household nemesis. Maybe you struggle with laundry? The floor? or maybe making the bed.

If my sink is clean I am calm then I am too.

Back to my original thread though, my ugly fence. You see, if you take three paces to the right you are out of my kitchen and officially in the hallway/lounge-room/playroom/craft-room and general assembly hall.

If my kitchen sink was where my front door is located, (in an around the corner type of way) instead of seeing that ugly, grey fence as I fight with my nemesis, I would see the ocean.

Although we live two clicks from the sea and the only place where my little old Hawaiian beach flat can see our dear friend the ocean is from our front door. The only place when you are standing at it, you are leaving the space.

My body builder has given me a little remedy to delight my senses as I wash our tribes utensils. A beautiful window shelf, that I am able to dry dishes on, plant herbs in and currently swoon over little flowers from. It belongs more in a French kitchen than a Hawaiian beach flat, but anyway back to my little story.

I often stand as I am washing up wondering, who designed this flat and why didn’t they place the kitchen closer to the ocean and create a view? Retrospect is a wonderful and all-consuming disease. Those deep moments of ‘Why didn’t I’, ‘I should have’ and company.

It is not until life teaches us little lessons that we have the foresight to make these decisions. The bible calls it wisdom. The world calls it Karma. I call it life.

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Life teaches us a plethora of information if we are willing to slow down and breathe it in. I don’t believe any decision we make is unrepairable. I believe that all things are working together for good, for those who love and trust The Lord.

Mostly I meet people who are stuck because they are unwilling to make changes, afraid if they make a mistake.

The kitchen window overlooking the grey, ugly fence, is a monumental mistake in my books. The architect wouldn’t have known though that one day in 40 years time, a creative Mama would spend half her day at that sink, washing a whole families eating utensils. A Mama who loves to cook and is addicted to hospitality.

Foresight or wisdom.

However my dear internet friend, window sills can be built.

Heck! We are even contemplating shifting the front door, the windows and the kitchen sink, just so I can have my little ocean view.

Just make a decision to keep moving forward.

This coming New Year, why don’t you make time with me and download this change reflection pages and contemplate a little shift, two clicks to the right.

You may just find a whole new view.

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Every Evening

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Every Evening before my eyes slowly, giddily start to shut I try to read something.

Anything.

Even if it is just one line from my old and rifled bible. (currently loving Matthew)

A few sentences from a non-fiction that has caught my attention. (currently weaving through the hands free mama)

A flick through my latest novel and even sometimes just a sniff of my latest borrow from my local library. (I borrowed Let it snow from a friend and have The Gift partially read and The Longest Ride waiting)

Since embarking on novice motherhood and marriage the greatest loss in my life has been hours of uninterrupted book obsession. I can’t sit for hours in a cafe, I can’t lay on the couch and get lost in an-others world.

I can every evening, before my tired and weary body starts to fade, turn the television off and read something.

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Even just one line.

I read a quote recently that said this

‘Any writer who doesn’t read, cannot be a writer indeed.’

Anon.

So tonight, even though I have been awake since 3.30am when Miss four months thought the sun was up and so I am.

The very last thing I will do is seek wisdom from someone else.

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