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A thunderous heart

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I have a thunderous heart and I’m unapologetic about it. I choose to feel, to love deeply and to express passionately. I will not sit on the sidelines and commentate about others, I will dive in and learn as I swim, I will encourage extravagantly and think radically. I refuse to be the same person today as I was yesterday. I will say sorry quickly and do everything in my capacity to let go completely. I get this wrong often, but I am willing to admit that today is a new day and I want to be present in it. Life is fleeting and I aim to grasp every possible piece of it and revel.

Yes I do indeed own a thunderous heart.

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Just one thing.

IMG_0093.JPGThis spring my goal is to walk the beach everyday.

No matter how I feel.

No matter the weather.

Just walk.

This morning at 7.30am the grey clouds gathered, yet we walked.

Sometimes our goals are way to big and way to overwhelming, so we fail all the time.

When I walk the beach, I eat better, I feel better, I make better decisions, my emotions get a car wash.

What’s your one thing?

Just one little thing?

It could change your Summer?

And your Spring.

Maybe your year.

Just one little thing.

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Maybe your thing is to make something each day.

Maybe it’s to write something every day.

Maybe it’s to read something each day.

That is where capture 30 days began. I decided to something small every day for 30 days and a new habit was formed.

What is your one thing this October?

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I failed

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Recently I was walking with a friend and she shyly said.

“I don’t always read your blog because you make me feel so inferior because of how much you get done with two children”

Gahhhh.

That’s the complete opposite of the intention I want to promote here.

I always try to keep it very real.

I have been far from perfect this year.

I just keep having a go.

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This quote says it so eloquently.

Better than I could ever say.

I’ll let you in on a well known secret though, I fail all the time.

I set myself a challenge for this year and I failed at it.

I’ve started writing books that never made it past the first chapter.

I have tried to loose weight and diet more times than I can even count.

This blog is no where near as good in reality as the dream I have for it in my head is.

My books and blog are rifled with mistakes.

The thing is though, I just keep having a go.

Andrew Frazer did the street art up the top of this page in one of my favourite cafe strips, but who see’s the crack right through it? Did you? Go back and look.

I get up. I go again. I accept that His mercies are new every morning and I come up with a new idea and I do it.

I keep going.

We all fail,

We all feel insecure,

We all struggle,

But those who succeed in life, just keep going, one foot after another.

They have a go.

Speak soon.

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Little Foxes

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I am a product of broken sleep.

Some nights at the moment I may wing a four to five hour reprieve from my 8 week old, but most nights she is demand feeding every two hours.

The haze is ever present but across the board I am handling the transition okay.

Except for one little detail.

It’s a small one.

A tiny one in fact.

But of course the old proverb is totally true.

Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom. (English Standard Version)

or a translation that says…

It’s the small foxes that ruin the vine.

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Little foxes.

Little annoyances have been getting to me.

The dishes that pile on the sink, after I have just finished a load.

Toilet paper that is not refilled on the roll late at night.

Rubbish piling in my car.

Little foxes.

That test my patience and make me roll my eyes in frustration. Most of my frustration is directed at my partner. My love. My man.

Little things.

Mid eye roll last week, I felt a strong check in my spirit and it was this…

“What if you used reverse psychology on these little things.”

For example.

When I came to the toilet and the roll holder was empty, what if I made a game of it and was stoked that I was the one that got to fill this missing link.

As I washed another dish, what if I thought about all the things I was grateful for…Like how hard my husband works for my family, like how the water feels as I wash the dishes, like how the tree’s move just outside the window that overlooks our sink or thinking about my friends who desperately want a family to wash dishes after.

I have waged a war on the little foxes in my family home.

There are a couple of stories in my world, where wives have lost their husbands unexpectedly and I am sure they would give anything to wash one of their coffee cups, just one more coffee, just one more glance, just one more hand to hold.

I believe strongly that it is the little foxes that ruin our vines of love. We eat slowly away at the foundation of our relationships when we allow the little things to grow and fester and slowly eat away at our hearts.

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Is your flatmate annoying you?

Does those noises your husband makes at the dinner table irritate the living day lights out of you?

Are you sick and tired of washing clothes again and again?

Do you hate the house you live in and are desiring a change?

Maybe change your perspective whilst doing these everyday things, remembering that there is someone else, not very far away, wishing they had the very things you despise.

Each and every onesie I hang, I pray for dear friends desperate to fall pregnant.

Each and every coffee cup I scrub, I pray for family who are longing to fall in love.

Every toilet roll…no actually they still really annoy me and I’m working on that one.

The little foxes.

They spoil the vineyard.

Why not wage a war on the small with me?

Speak Tomorrow.

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Bed time tales of Maximus the brave

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This afternoon our edges were fraying slightly, my 8 week old refusing to be put down, my 2 and a half year old refusing to put down the iPad.

My remedy was the beach.

We didn’t even walk five metres and my toddlers imagination was ignited.

Another two metres and my 8 week old was asleep on my chest.

The wind, the sand and a coffee in my hand, we entered our bliss.

As the afternoon sun cast shadows across the beach my son Maximus entered his happy place.

Building a sand castle, he declared the circus is open. “Tickets please, tickets please.”

Last night we dined with friends whose children are all grown, Dr Maximus arrived in his ambulance and treated his grown up patients from his amsilence ‘insert siren noises here.’

Each night as we lay him down to sleep we read a book and then talk about his day. We end this chat with a short (sometimes excruciatingly long as he prolongs the inevitable) prayer to Jesus.

Last night as we laid his books to sleep he reached over to his baby sister, lifting up his tshirt saying “Here Libby” pulls her to his chest “come have your milk”.

The night before

“Dear Jesus,

Thankyou for my nanny and my poppy, my Ouma and my Oupa ( the list goes on) and Thankyou for the Icecream shop.”

As I sit here on the beach writing as he chases seagulls, I am overwhelmed by the beauty of his imagination.

Not polluted by the news and screwed by unmet expectations, his daily account of his experiences and life is pure and unfiltered.

Kinda like a grateful prayer for the ice-cream shop.

This spring I am determined to let the sun go down, taking stock of my day through the eyes of a child, allowing my inspiration to arise with a free imagination and to walk the beach everyday, hoping the wind would blow away my cares.

Oh to see life through the eyes of my toddler, even though he is currently eating beach sand and rolling down a sand dune.

Maximus the brave you makes my days inspired.

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