Category: Creativity

I have a little colour crush on gold at the moment.

Anything I buy (which honestly is not that much), start again anything I make, I want to add a little gold.

I went through an anti gold phase a few years ago, where I gave away all my gold jewellery. (I know! what was I thinking?)

Anyways, today I have been dreaming of stitching little gold hearts onto outfits for my little miss v, who is due in just a few short months.

As I  sit here thinking about frosting all things golden, I have been reflecting about my main man Maximus.

His personality is so light and happy, so joyful and loving.

If you have followed me for a while you would have seen my baby spam and picked up a little bit of his personality.

This morning we went to dancing which is our usual Friday outing and he did not want to leave my side. He has been so clingy and over and over he has been saying ‘Mummy you okay? Mummy you okay?’.

The truth is I haven’t been okay.

I have been in extreme pain and even just the little things, like pouring him a bath and getting him dressed have been difficult.

If I lean one way or another, I have excruciating pain flooding through my back.

I don’t like talking or writing about it that much, because I know how many people are in so much more pain than me.

I have become so aware of people who are in pain over the last week or so, since I have struggled to walk and doing little everyday menial tasks.

Pain and discomfort, the human condition is so cloudy.

It can cloud over joy, it can cloud over perspective, it can cloud over our responses to people, it can make us a little short and unbecoming.

Back to my little Maximus.

His nickname has been Maximus the Brave. Ever since he was born he has been a very social, very happy little lion.

Over the last week though, I have seen that my weakness has cause vulnerability in him and it has shown me no matter the personality of our little people they feel.

They are impacted by culture, they are impacted by ambience, they are impacted by pain.

Does that mean I should withhold what I am feeling to protect him?

Yes sometimes, other times no.

Does that mean I need to pretend everything is okay all the time when it is not?

Absolutely not, as much as I try to protect him, he still picks up what is happening in his everyday environment.

What I am learning though is how golden and precious his little heart is. He has always been strongly compassionate, he notices people, he feels with people and this is not a weakness that I need to man him up. I need to nurture and develop that heart for others and validate what is happening in this season for him.

His feelings are important and acknowledging how he is coping in the midst of these changes for our family is just as valid as mine.

Often as he is crying we say over and over ‘Use your words, use your words.’ I think it is imperative that I teach him now, as he is starting to communicate, what he is feeling and why? A little man child, who has the capacity to express the longings of his heart.

Our family is wonderful but I grew up hearing over and over from my Uncles, children should be seen and not heard. I completely disagree.

Are you listening to the heart beat and the changes in your families lives?

How can we bring validation and life to little people as well?

Maybe this is why I have been drawn to meditation and calm practise in this season. A simple and soft response instead of a harsh, hurried reply.

Being slow to speak and staying quiet until I am able to speak with life.

Letting go of the crazy expectations we place on one another and believing the best.

Holding precious moments today in our hands as a gift.

He has a golden little heart and in a few short months, he will not be my only focus anymore with a sister on her way.

He has a precious luminous soul, that is impacted by my attitudes, my words and the atmosphere I create in our home.

He has a tenderness that is not weak, it is ethereal and I need to stop sometimes and listen to hear what he is saying without words.

Just recently only on mornings when my husband is not home, he slips into our bed and whispers. Jesus, Jesus and points to the side of our room. One morning he exclaimed ‘Hello, Jesus. How are you?’.

He knows.

Golden little people.

Maybe society wouldn’t be as broken as it is today, if we held each others hearts with as much care and tenderness as the possessions that obsess us.

Golden little souls.

Full of compassion, grace and love, that are wanting to be noticed.

Golden little hearts.

Lets handle them with care.

 

 

I found this picture on pinterest this morning and it is brilliant.

People ask me often how do you come up with ideas? How do you stay inspired?

Honestly often I am far from inspired, I just choose to live a lifestyle that seeks it.

These tips are some of the ways I seek inspiration.

Speak tomorrow

Amanda

This week I start week three of the Brene Brown online course from her book; The gifts of imperfection. This weeks theme is all about anxiety, stress or stillness and calm.

Throughout my life I have had ebbs and flows of my levels of anxiety, I think in one hour I can be over confident and the next under confident and questioning myself, my calling, my gifts, skills, mothering, wife skills….

You know what I mean?

I believe this battle with peace, stillness and calm and the increasing dread of overwhelmed-ness is just a part of our human condition.

It is a dance between the knowledge of where we have gone wrong in the past, where we have won, where we have stuffed up and who we have offended in the midst of our grapple with our humanity.

A great friend sent me this song above called ‘You make me brave’ by Amanda Cook and Bethel, a week or so ago and I have been playing it on repeat.

I think the gift of this song and its lyrics is that we don’t need to gather our courage by ourselves.

It is when our humanity (those fears, those worries, that anxiety, that pressure, that regret) meets our humility (acknowledging that we don’t have it all together and need help) and becomes reliant upon something greater than ourselves to find strength and perspective.

As a part of the online course this week we were asked to draw, put a photo or collage a place that makes us feel still and helps us find that calm strength.

Here is my collage.

A lot of people find their sense of stillness in outside places, like the beach, forests, tree’s and anything that is epic and full of nature.

I have worked out that I find stillness, calm, peace, my selah moments when I have a comfortable surroundings, a candle lit, music playing, a pot of tea or cup of coffee, a pen, a journal or those special times when I get to have a long bath or spa.

It is in those places of quiet that my brave rises.

I am connected to my strength and my song.

I find peace and clarity.

It is everything that gives me strength to overcome that which hinders my heart to sing.

We were also asked to write a map towards stillness and peace.

I have called mine my BRAVE MAP.

What I need to do to gain perspective in moments of anxiety is this;

1) Acknowledge that I feel; afraid, overwhelmed, stressed, tired…whatever is the cause of my moment.

2) Breathe; Since being married I have found out that I hold my breathe quite a lot. Charl tells me in times of ‘freakage’ that I hold my breath. I need to take deep breaths and respond slowly. I have found this is even more important as a pregnant mum of a toddler.

3) Slow to speak; Because I am a communicator, I throw my words in defence in times of anxiety. I am a debater, I am quick at a good reply, so I can fight with my mouth. I need to stop speaking and take time to find my centre in the midst of these times. When I was in my career, one of my greatest weaknesses was the sniper email. I would respond so quickly to an email in defence, my emails became sniper fast and it was something I diligently had to change and acknowledge as a weakness. I am now a firm believer in approaching any conflict or disagreement in person or over the phone, email and text are a terrible way to communicate difficult conversations.

4) Write; When I feel my world starting to shake and tremble, if there is a moment where I feel afraid and overwhelmed, if I can process these emotions through writing and come to a place of; fun, celebration, dreaming, love or happiness. My peace walk and sense of brave increases dramatically. Rather than sitting there and mulling over and over that which is consuming me, when I process, when I write, when I allow myself to feel those feelings of anxiety but bring them over a bridge into a new space, my capacity to overcome is much greater.

5) Don’t Blame; A huge weakness of mine is finding peace, through blaming others about that which is upsetting me. If I can find a scape goat then I find a place of peace. I need to change this and acknowledge my part to play in the dysfunction and the reason why I am overwhelmed or feeling undone.

7) Breathe again.

A shorter version of my peace map is this

Trust

Communicate

Let go.

If you are finding it difficult to access your brave, to sit comfortably in a place of stillness and acknowledge the parts of your world that are overwhelming you.

Don’t worry, I often do as well.

I hope the discussion I have started here about finding your brave, will switch on something that will empower you also to go on the journey of discovery to recreating a new way.

Speak tomorrow

All my creative love

Amanda