Somedays you look out, you have all the plans in the world, but all you see is a Zebra’s behind.
Somedays are just difficult, you miscommunicate, you say the wrong thing, you cry.
Somedays are just 3 hour glucose tests with a sore back and angry little Nanna’s waiting in the doctors lounge who don’t make for very good company.
Those are the days I snuggle up in my house, turn on some inspiring music, put my ugg boots on and try my best not to remember the Zebra and look forward to tomorrow.
I think every girl needs to love herself, regardless of anything. Like if you’re having a bad day, if you don’t like your hair, if you don’t have the best family situation, whatever, you have to love yourself and you can’t do anything until you love yourself first.
The chapter from The gifts of imperfection that I am studying at the moment is ‘Cultivating Calm and Stillness, letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle’. A couple of days ago I explored the whole idea of living brave, but yesterday I spent a lot of my day thinking about the art of meditation.
A powerful and well trained mind, impacts our creative output exponentially.
When I think about meditation, I am not emptying my mind as eastern religion would tell me too, scripture shows me to fill my mind with that which is good;
‘fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honourable.’ Philippians 4: 8
What is the content of your thoughts?
If you could document the tone and tenure of your daily thoughts, are they mostly negative or positive?
Life building or life depreciating?
Stressful, anxious, or calming and peaceful?
As a creative mum of a toddler, it is so important that I regularly refresh my thought patterns and practise calm parenting.
The ability to breathe deeply before responding in haste.
Finding ways to practise the art of meditation so it is a lifestyle, a habit.
Last night before I went to sleep I listened to a meditation from The Liturgists, that a friend forwarded onto me recently. To take time listening, meditating and refreshing my mind before falling asleep on these interesting and lovely thoughts, rather than mindlessly scrolling through facebook.
I spoke on radio this morning about this very thing and in the midst of my research for my interview I found a global campaign called Mindful in May.
I am going to join this movement and take time each day, even if it is just 5 minutes to consciously meditate. Ideally I would like to start and finish my day this way.
Here are some great tools I have found to listen to;
http://youtu.be/27NUXE9_DE4
Albums;
(I listen to all of these through Spotify)
The Liturgists
Bethel released a great album last year called without words
Riverview’s album Whisper last year has whole sections of meditation tracks
Parachute Band’s last album matins and vespers
A life that is meditating on helpful and life giving things, can only reproduce of its own kind.
This week I start week three of the Brene Brown online course from her book; The gifts of imperfection. This weeks theme is all about anxiety, stress or stillness and calm.
Throughout my life I have had ebbs and flows of my levels of anxiety, I think in one hour I can be over confident and the next under confident and questioning myself, my calling, my gifts, skills, mothering, wife skills….
You know what I mean?
I believe this battle with peace, stillness and calm and the increasing dread of overwhelmed-ness is just a part of our human condition.
It is a dance between the knowledge of where we have gone wrong in the past, where we have won, where we have stuffed up and who we have offended in the midst of our grapple with our humanity.
A great friend sent me this song above called ‘You make me brave’ by Amanda Cook and Bethel, a week or so ago and I have been playing it on repeat.
I think the gift of this song and its lyrics is that we don’t need to gather our courage by ourselves.
It is when our humanity (those fears, those worries, that anxiety, that pressure, that regret) meets our humility (acknowledging that we don’t have it all together and need help) and becomes reliant upon something greater than ourselves to find strength and perspective.
As a part of the online course this week we were asked to draw, put a photo or collage a place that makes us feel still and helps us find that calm strength.
Here is my collage.
A lot of people find their sense of stillness in outside places, like the beach, forests, tree’s and anything that is epic and full of nature.
I have worked out that I find stillness, calm, peace, my selah moments when I have a comfortable surroundings, a candle lit, music playing, a pot of tea or cup of coffee, a pen, a journal or those special times when I get to have a long bath or spa.
It is in those places of quiet that my brave rises.
I am connected to my strength and my song.
I find peace and clarity.
It is everything that gives me strength to overcome that which hinders my heart to sing.
We were also asked to write a map towards stillness and peace.
I have called mine my BRAVE MAP.
What I need to do to gain perspective in moments of anxiety is this;
1) Acknowledge that I feel; afraid, overwhelmed, stressed, tired…whatever is the cause of my moment.
2) Breathe; Since being married I have found out that I hold my breathe quite a lot. Charl tells me in times of ‘freakage’ that I hold my breath. I need to take deep breaths and respond slowly. I have found this is even more important as a pregnant mum of a toddler.
3) Slow to speak; Because I am a communicator, I throw my words in defence in times of anxiety. I am a debater, I am quick at a good reply, so I can fight with my mouth. I need to stop speaking and take time to find my centre in the midst of these times. When I was in my career, one of my greatest weaknesses was the sniper email. I would respond so quickly to an email in defence, my emails became sniper fast and it was something I diligently had to change and acknowledge as a weakness. I am now a firm believer in approaching any conflict or disagreement in person or over the phone, email and text are a terrible way to communicate difficult conversations.
4) Write; When I feel my world starting to shake and tremble, if there is a moment where I feel afraid and overwhelmed, if I can process these emotions through writing and come to a place of; fun, celebration, dreaming, love or happiness. My peace walk and sense of brave increases dramatically. Rather than sitting there and mulling over and over that which is consuming me, when I process, when I write, when I allow myself to feel those feelings of anxiety but bring them over a bridge into a new space, my capacity to overcome is much greater.
5) Don’t Blame; A huge weakness of mine is finding peace, through blaming others about that which is upsetting me. If I can find a scape goat then I find a place of peace. I need to change this and acknowledge my part to play in the dysfunction and the reason why I am overwhelmed or feeling undone.
7) Breathe again.
A shorter version of my peace map is this
Trust
Communicate
Let go.
If you are finding it difficult to access your brave, to sit comfortably in a place of stillness and acknowledge the parts of your world that are overwhelming you.
Don’t worry, I often do as well.
I hope the discussion I have started here about finding your brave, will switch on something that will empower you also to go on the journey of discovery to recreating a new way.
Nesting during pregnancy always manifests in different ways, but one main way for me personally is through making little things.
Not always for my new baby, just keeping my hands busy.
This week I have had a major case of Sciatica pain through my back and legs and I truly know I am embarking on the third trimester.
Sitting down is one of the only times I have been free from pain, so crochet has become even more of an addiction.
A friend asked me to crochet her a slouched winter beanie. I haven’t made one before and most of the patterns I could find for this type of beanie were knitted ones. So I had a go and fiddled and made my own. Here is my pattern for a slouched winter beanie.
Slouchy Winter Beanie
Easy pattern: Beginner
crochet hook 5 US size
2 balls 50 gram
dc: double crochet
hdc: half double crochet
(here is a little selfie with the beanie on.)
Chain 4 link together to make a ring.
Round 1: Chain 2 (this counts as 1st dc). Make 11 dcs in the middle of the ring (12 stitches).
Round 2: chain 2, do 2 dcs in every stitch (24 stitches).
Round 3: chain 2, do 2 dcs in every stitch (48 stitches). This creates the slouchy gather.
Round 4: chain 2, Increase 1 stitch in every other stitch. (e.g. 2 dcs in 1st stitch, 1 dc in 2nd, 2dcs in 3rd, 1 in 4th and so on) (72).
Rounds 5-14: chain 2, do 1 dc in every stitch (72). If you want the hat to be slouchier then do more rows here until you’re happy with its length.
Round 15: chain 2, Decrease after every 6th stitch (do 7th & 8th stitches together) (64).
Round 16: chain 2, Decrease after every 5 stitches (do 6th & 7th stitches tog) (56).
Round 17: chain 2, 1 dc in every stitch (56).
Round 18: chain 1, Use hdc. Decrease after every 10th stitch (11th & 12th tog) (52).
Round 19: chain 1, hdc 52 stitches around.
Round 20: chain 1, hdc 52 stitches around.
Join and finish off by weaving ends in.
Depending on the wool you choose the size of the hat may vary.
This pattern fitted my head perfectly, but you may need to make smaller or bigger in the half double crochet rounds depending on head size.
I have also embarked upon making dish cloths/ face washer cloths for the first time.
Using organic cotton and this pattern here that I changed slightly (extra rows of Half double crochet around the edging) Organic Dish Cloths
I think these will be perfect little presents to throw in with the care packages for all the people having babies at the moment.
They are also so simple and easy to make.
If you want some good videos on Novice Crochet, check out my post I did a while ago.
