If you are a regular around here, you would know I am not often short of something to say.
Today is the first of May and my goal is to meditate for at least 5 mins a day for the whole month ‘Mindful in May’.
I tried meditating with my husband a couple of nights ago and he fell asleep in the first 5 mins, snoring and all.
(Secretly I had a massive smile and it made my night.)
One of my main pursuits in this goal, is to become a more calm parent and therefore leader, friend, wife, daughter…the list goes on.
I want to be slower in my responses, I want to take time to truly hear, I want to be ready to have two children running around me in the next few months…
A friend sent me a prayer and a blessing months ago and this morning as I was emptying out my inbox (at the start of my May mind detox), I found it and I stopped and meditated upon the words.
Prayer
‘Providing God, I easily doubt that you’ll provide whatever I need for body and soul, and I can’t imagine how the adversity you send my way could be turned to good. Help me let go of my need to control and instead entrust my life and future to your care. Keep me fully aware that you have the power to provide because you are almighty God, and the heart to do so because you are my faithful Father.’
Blessing
My intention this May is to slow my mind, fill it with good and gracious thoughts and to bring life into any conversation that I am a part of.
Creatively, I know when I am emptied of myself, there is so much more room for the new to arise.
When I am thinking less about myself and more about others, I am enabled to see new and wondrous things.
When I am calm and I respond rather than react to situations, my family and friends are empowered to feel safe and trust me.
Somedays you look out, you have all the plans in the world, but all you see is a Zebra’s behind.
Somedays are just difficult, you miscommunicate, you say the wrong thing, you cry.
Somedays are just 3 hour glucose tests with a sore back and angry little Nanna’s waiting in the doctors lounge who don’t make for very good company.
Those are the days I snuggle up in my house, turn on some inspiring music, put my ugg boots on and try my best not to remember the Zebra and look forward to tomorrow.
I think every girl needs to love herself, regardless of anything. Like if you’re having a bad day, if you don’t like your hair, if you don’t have the best family situation, whatever, you have to love yourself and you can’t do anything until you love yourself first.
The chapter from The gifts of imperfection that I am studying at the moment is ‘Cultivating Calm and Stillness, letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle’. A couple of days ago I explored the whole idea of living brave, but yesterday I spent a lot of my day thinking about the art of meditation.
A powerful and well trained mind, impacts our creative output exponentially.
When I think about meditation, I am not emptying my mind as eastern religion would tell me too, scripture shows me to fill my mind with that which is good;
‘fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honourable.’ Philippians 4: 8
What is the content of your thoughts?
If you could document the tone and tenure of your daily thoughts, are they mostly negative or positive?
Life building or life depreciating?
Stressful, anxious, or calming and peaceful?
As a creative mum of a toddler, it is so important that I regularly refresh my thought patterns and practise calm parenting.
The ability to breathe deeply before responding in haste.
Finding ways to practise the art of meditation so it is a lifestyle, a habit.
Last night before I went to sleep I listened to a meditation from The Liturgists, that a friend forwarded onto me recently. To take time listening, meditating and refreshing my mind before falling asleep on these interesting and lovely thoughts, rather than mindlessly scrolling through facebook.
I spoke on radio this morning about this very thing and in the midst of my research for my interview I found a global campaign called Mindful in May.
I am going to join this movement and take time each day, even if it is just 5 minutes to consciously meditate. Ideally I would like to start and finish my day this way.
Here are some great tools I have found to listen to;
http://youtu.be/27NUXE9_DE4
Albums;
(I listen to all of these through Spotify)
The Liturgists
Bethel released a great album last year called without words
Riverview’s album Whisper last year has whole sections of meditation tracks
Parachute Band’s last album matins and vespers
A life that is meditating on helpful and life giving things, can only reproduce of its own kind.
This week I start week three of the Brene Brown online course from her book; The gifts of imperfection. This weeks theme is all about anxiety, stress or stillness and calm.
Throughout my life I have had ebbs and flows of my levels of anxiety, I think in one hour I can be over confident and the next under confident and questioning myself, my calling, my gifts, skills, mothering, wife skills….
You know what I mean?
I believe this battle with peace, stillness and calm and the increasing dread of overwhelmed-ness is just a part of our human condition.
It is a dance between the knowledge of where we have gone wrong in the past, where we have won, where we have stuffed up and who we have offended in the midst of our grapple with our humanity.
A great friend sent me this song above called ‘You make me brave’ by Amanda Cook and Bethel, a week or so ago and I have been playing it on repeat.
I think the gift of this song and its lyrics is that we don’t need to gather our courage by ourselves.
It is when our humanity (those fears, those worries, that anxiety, that pressure, that regret) meets our humility (acknowledging that we don’t have it all together and need help) and becomes reliant upon something greater than ourselves to find strength and perspective.
As a part of the online course this week we were asked to draw, put a photo or collage a place that makes us feel still and helps us find that calm strength.
Here is my collage.
A lot of people find their sense of stillness in outside places, like the beach, forests, tree’s and anything that is epic and full of nature.
I have worked out that I find stillness, calm, peace, my selah moments when I have a comfortable surroundings, a candle lit, music playing, a pot of tea or cup of coffee, a pen, a journal or those special times when I get to have a long bath or spa.
It is in those places of quiet that my brave rises.
I am connected to my strength and my song.
I find peace and clarity.
It is everything that gives me strength to overcome that which hinders my heart to sing.
We were also asked to write a map towards stillness and peace.
I have called mine my BRAVE MAP.
What I need to do to gain perspective in moments of anxiety is this;
1) Acknowledge that I feel; afraid, overwhelmed, stressed, tired…whatever is the cause of my moment.
2) Breathe; Since being married I have found out that I hold my breathe quite a lot. Charl tells me in times of ‘freakage’ that I hold my breath. I need to take deep breaths and respond slowly. I have found this is even more important as a pregnant mum of a toddler.
3) Slow to speak; Because I am a communicator, I throw my words in defence in times of anxiety. I am a debater, I am quick at a good reply, so I can fight with my mouth. I need to stop speaking and take time to find my centre in the midst of these times. When I was in my career, one of my greatest weaknesses was the sniper email. I would respond so quickly to an email in defence, my emails became sniper fast and it was something I diligently had to change and acknowledge as a weakness. I am now a firm believer in approaching any conflict or disagreement in person or over the phone, email and text are a terrible way to communicate difficult conversations.
4) Write; When I feel my world starting to shake and tremble, if there is a moment where I feel afraid and overwhelmed, if I can process these emotions through writing and come to a place of; fun, celebration, dreaming, love or happiness. My peace walk and sense of brave increases dramatically. Rather than sitting there and mulling over and over that which is consuming me, when I process, when I write, when I allow myself to feel those feelings of anxiety but bring them over a bridge into a new space, my capacity to overcome is much greater.
5) Don’t Blame; A huge weakness of mine is finding peace, through blaming others about that which is upsetting me. If I can find a scape goat then I find a place of peace. I need to change this and acknowledge my part to play in the dysfunction and the reason why I am overwhelmed or feeling undone.
7) Breathe again.
A shorter version of my peace map is this
Trust
Communicate
Let go.
If you are finding it difficult to access your brave, to sit comfortably in a place of stillness and acknowledge the parts of your world that are overwhelming you.
Don’t worry, I often do as well.
I hope the discussion I have started here about finding your brave, will switch on something that will empower you also to go on the journey of discovery to recreating a new way.
