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finding space

spaceA new year beckons, a new season awaits and I find myself saying these words over and over, slightly confused because I know they are not an accurate reflection of what I am wanting to communicate.

‘I just never get any time to myself.’

In reality I do.

Why do I feel crowded in and unable to find space. Yes we live in a tiny apartment with four humans, yes we surround ourselves with people and lots of pretty things.

I seriously love my life!

In moments of frustration and exhaustion though, my wandering soul is seeking inspiration. I crave truth and perspective. I feel starved for fresh words and moments of awakening in the everydayness of novice motherhood.

In the early hours of this morning, as my little baby cried out for help somewhere between 3am and 4am, a big pile of clothes tumbled out of my cupboard and I felt my shoulders lift, exasperated.

I realised what the ‘time to myself’ thread is communicating.

I

need

space.

I don’t want space from my husband or children.

I don’t want space from our visiting friends because I am unhappy.

I don’t even crave another wardrobe or storage container (as much as this would be amazing)

As a mum of two small children, as a writer, as a communicator, as a listener, as a friend, as a pursuer of truth, I need space to breathe.

I want space to think clearly, without interruptions to recalibrate the year.

The funny thing is, we often blame others for our lack of space.

‘Why won’t you give me space?’

‘My house is overflowing I need more space or maybe more storage?’

‘If I could just find more space in my calendar all my problems would disappear?’

I have found the space is available, but we are the ones who need to find it.

We are so often our own worst enemies in the dialogue of space. We fill our calendars, we buy more stuff, we say no when an offer to look after our kids is offered. We are the ones who block the road towards finding space.

We can’t keep blaming others for this lack of space, we need to clear a path for what we are looking for.

Wide open spaces are available, even when you are surrounded by family and friends.

Space is awaiting discovery, we just need to ask for what we are looking for and make it happen.

This new year season, I am clearing a few hours, to contemplate these questions so that I can walk into this new year with perspective.

Would you like to join me?

Click on the link and Download the questions, print them and take some time for yourself this January.

Let’s find some space together and make great decisions towards change in 2015.

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presence

peace

peace

 

I am learning the power of presentness lately.

What it means to be truly present.

I have been reading Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford and this one page really impacted me when I read it today

Today let me appreciate.

I fail to appreciate the feeling of her small body in footy pyjamas until she suddenly outgrows them and declares ‘I want regular ones; ones that don’t have feet.’

Today let me appreciate the perfect size and shape she is right now, today, in this moment…

Today let me appreciate this child.

I fail to appreciate those odd mannerisms that drive me crazy until we are separated for a time, and suddenly I long to hear one of those silly quirks. Today let me appreciate the gum chewing, the knuckle cracking, and even the humming, because when I hear these things I know I am in the company of my love.

Today let me appreciate my husband.

I fail to appreciate the richness of my life until I walk down the busy street and see sadness in the fringes, those empty hands, empty eyes, and empty souls.

Today let me appreciate the fact that I have known love in my life and let me share it with one who has not.

Today let me appreciate the value of spreading kindness.

I fail to appreciate the wrinkles, the bulges and the sags until I reflect on all that I have endured to be where I am today.

Today let me appreciate each beautiful memory of my life that is etched across my face and body.

Today let me appreciate the positive value of growing older.

Today let me appreciate the sun, even when it is behind the clouds.

Today let me appreciate the goodbyes, even if it is not our last.

Today let me appreciate the goodness, even if I have to dig a little to find it.

Today let me appreciate the gifts in the mundane, ordinary moments that are graciously given to me. Because even though they’re far from perfect and sometimes they are messy and hard…these are the moments that make up a lifetime.

And for this anything but small miracle that is my life. I am thankful.

Page 85/86 from Hands Free Mama.

This page all about living in the moment and being grateful for small mercies changed me today.

What have you read today that impacted you?

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the last time I cried.

Book publisher 3

On Saturday evening just gone, I sat in a dark room with hundreds of people and cried. Tears dripped down my face and I relived my childhood.

The lights were turned low, the crowd was hushed and music captivated hearts, the curtain rose and I took a big breath. It wasn’t until the little ballerina’s tripped across the stage, that the tears started to flow. Bright coloured tutu’s took my creative heart back to those many years and many concerts and those costumes I adored.

You see, I grew up falling asleep under theatre seats. Every Thursday night and Sunday night, we had rehearsals with our local theatre company. My mum was an amazing actor and I had my first audition for a musical theatre show, when I was 5 years old. Most years we would be involved in two to three productions a year.

Make up, lights, costumes and hairspray.

Scripts, high heels, accents and stage managers.

One of my most vivid memories from my childhood was the night we were wearing our costumes home in the car after being in a performance of ‘Annie’. Suddenly with a splatter and cough, our old combi van broke down. We had no choice but to get out and walk, we had school the next day. So there we were dressed as orphans and our mum Mrs Hannigan, walking along one of the main roads of our seaside town. I can remember the toots of the horns and the flashes of the lights like it was yesterday.

What an adventure.

What a story to tell the kids the next day at school.

I was so cool.

Who had time for 7pm bedtime stories, we were living our dreams out on a stage with vivid colours, lights, with singing and dancing.

We grew up without a Tizzie Hall sleep routine, we grew up without an iPad or computer in our hand, we grew up exploring countries and customs as we pretended to be characters from their foreign lands.

It is because of the way that I experienced life as a child that I am so passionate about creativity now as an adult.

There is something profoundly rich about a childhood full of colour, life and brave moments on a stage. I cannot wait to see my son perform in his first dance concert, in the city at the convention centre this weekend. A memory of self-worth, confidence and achievement, I hope as a two-year old he will never forget.

A rich childhood, full of memories of life, colour and creativity. This is my dream for him. That he would find what he is good at and express it extravagantly.

How about you?

When was the last time you cried?

Happy tears or sad ones?

And what memory did they bring to the surface?

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Santa, a homeless man and a box of ice creams

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imageYesterday I had the most surreal morning and it involved Santa, a homeless man and a box of ice-creams. A regular old morning down in our coastal suburb turned somewhat strange.

My son had a little bit of cabin fever, so I decided to take him down to our local shops for an ice-cream. We walked through our local Woolworths and bought a box of ice-creams and I silently said ‘God what am I going to do with the rest of these they will melt?’

As I walked outside of the shopping centre, an old man came up to me and asked ‘Where did you get those ice-creams from?’ I said ‘In Woolworths, would you like one?’ With tears in his eyes, he looked straight at me and said ‘Thank you, I would love one.’

I walked away thinking ‘That was very strange, but I’m sure that he was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to.’

As I walked towards my car, I felt a little guilty that I often don’t take time to respond in simple ways like that, but wanted to live more generously this Christmas. As I arrived at my car, I looked through an alleyway and saw a young homeless man sitting in a hoodie, with a sign that said ‘I need money for accommodation’.

I took a deep breath and put my children in their car seats and wished my Body Builder was with me. He would have walked over straight away and given the young man some money, but I was like ‘God I can’t do this, by myself with two little children.’

I sat in my car and thought, but I have a box of ice-creams.

Maybe I could give him an ice-cream. Just as that thought was passing through my mind, the most random thing happened. Out of the alleyway came travelling a big princess kind of carriage, with two big horses and Santa.

Santa rode his carriage straight past this young homeless guy and flung a bunch of lolly pops at him. The young homeless person stood up and limped over and collected all the candy. It was at that moment, I knew I needed to be brave and go and talk to him.

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I drove over, asked him what was happening and he said ‘I need twenty more dollars so I have somewhere to sleep until my next pay day.’ I gave him the twenty dollars and asked if he would like an ice-cream.

He took two.

Then I drove away dazed, turned the corner and there was Santa and his sleigh, trotting down a suburban street (probably on his way to an event or something) and my two-year old was spellbound.

We stopped the car, Maximus jumped out and Santa launched lolly pops at him.

Max was like Mum, ‘Is it Christmas?’

I said ‘Yes babe, this is what Christmas is all about.’

Noticing people, helping those with not much and special memories that will never be forgotten.

As we get swept away in the hype this year, let’s be brave and walk down alley ways and help those who don’t have much.

Everyday, Ordinary encounters, that make Christmas forever memories.

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I am writing each day of December following the prompts from Life Captured Inc. Go back to December 1 to start the journey afresh.

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A lot can happen in a year

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Would you like to make decisions to make 2015 intentional?

Every New Year for over a decade I have taken a day to reflect and answer these questions. The result is an amazing amount of insight and help towards living the life I have dreamed of.

Honestly, the life I live today is the one I wrote about whilst doing this exercise ten years ago.

Join me by downloading these Change Reflection Questions and take time to dream this New Year.

New Year Change Reflection

Have a great day

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