Author: Amanda Viviers

Place: Home

Poison: flat white

Favourite Things: morning baby sleeps

I have no problem declaring there are days that I am needy. I want comfort, I want chocolate and I want sleep.

The early days of Max being on earth, the late stages of pregnancy, the season when I gave up my job. All needy, with a capital N.

There are seasons though when we all have to stand up and wave goodbye to Mrs Needy, and find inner strength to live beyond our emotions.

Emotions are the most beautiful gift from a highly engaged, creative, innovative, loving God. When we don’t feel, we become desensitised to colour, life, brilliance and beauty. Yet when our emotions overwhelm our capacity to endure we need to find help.

I am not referring to people who are going through seasons of diagnosed, debilitating depression. I have known friends and family who have struggled through the mud that debilitates the mind from depression.

I am referring to the rest of us, who yes, feel deeply and yes, need help, but neediness becomes our mantra.

These seasons are marked by guilt, whining, whinging, hanging onto the past, hanging onto mistakes, hanging onto friendships that have clearly moved on. You know those seasons where you suck the life out of everyone around you, desperately trying to come up for air.

Today I want to declare that neediness is not necessarily bad, but it needs to be compartmentalised in a season. You need to move on, you need to find new inspiration, you need to get professional help, you need to rely on God rather than people to gain your strength.

A friend who pulls others down to try and gain some sense of hierarchy is no friend at all.

A person who gossips and contains others with their words to try and get some sense of self worth for themselves is toxic.

Neediness has the capacity to kill relationships. Neediness has the ability to stunt the growth in marriage. Neediness can disable life and happiness.

Find strength in that which was created to carry your load. His name is Jesus.

Jesus, gives us strength when we no longer can find hope. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus brings light in the darkness.

Jesus.

Full Stop.

Not friends, not chocolate, not writing, not success, not your job, not your husband.

Jesus.

If you want to be needy, that place that attention on Christ, not on this world.

This world is broken, people will fail you, friends may help for a little while but they cannot bring sustenance to your soul.

Can you easily say…

It is well with my soul?

Can you shout…

It is well with my soul?

If not that’s okay, but a season of growth is required to move towards a place of wellness. A place of strength.

This strength can only be found in the one who was created to carry your burdens.

Just close your eyes right now, and contemplate Jesus, contemplate his goodness, his love, his mercy, his forgiveness, his compassion.

Make it your ambition to rely on him more and others less.

People will always fail you.

Jesus may confuse us sometimes with his timing and his ways, but he will never leave us or forsake us.

Screw neediness.

A

Place: My desk

Poison: water

Favourite Things: long sunday walks on the beach.

There is nothing worse than a friend who is stuck in the perpetual land of diva. A land of sequins, selfishness, sulking and swearing.

I find women sometimes intolerable. More than women, I find online rants even more despicable.

If you have an issue, if you need to vent, then phone a friend. Demanding people’s attention by crazy online stunts is no way to maintain and grow friendships.

You have a problem with your husband? Go and speak to him. You have an issue with a friend? Go and ring them. Diva is so 1980’s and if you hadn’t realised it was 30ish years ago.

Diva is so unbecoming and it seems our world loves to be a voyeur as people have huge melt downs.

Our current affair, reality show obsessed society is producing a whole generation that think expressing every little thought we have about anything and everything with no thought for others is okay.

Freedom of speech is not a right that we have purchased easily. Everytime twitter and facebook endorse someones despicable behaviour, we seem to find it hilarious and endearing.

How about kindness? How about grace? How about living for others? How about believing the best? How about purity, honesty and demure beauty?

I find diva incredibly immature. If our four and five year old children chuck tantrums, then we reprimand them.

Who is reprimanding our behaviour that is just simply immature and poor?

Speaking about others unkindly, rolling our eyes and bitching, all are very unbecoming.

In some ways I long for a little bit of Downtown Abbey respect for reputation. Even though Downtown Abbey has its fair share of drama, the inhabitants take the time to reflect upon their attitudes and reactions, considering the impact on others.

Are we too emancipated?

Is our world imploding in its immorality?

Is diva dead?

or do we all enjoy watching the drama unfold so much that holding others kindly accountable doesn’t cross our minds?

I think censorship of the diva is required?

For me and my household diva is being eradicated.

A

Place: bed

Poison: flat white

Favourite things: Saturday morning sleep ins

These days Saturday mornings are my favourite. They are like an old pair of track suit pants, that are so comfy and content.

Saturday mornings my man, looks after our little man and mum gets to lie in.

I lay here in bed listening to them play, I snooze, I drink coffee, I flit around Facebook, I relax.

The hardest transition on a Saturday is out of sleepy sleep in bliss to hit the gym get stuff done Saturday. You see the weekend is our time also to get jobs done together.

As the hours tick towards ten am, I know I am going to need to put my runners on and get going.

Having an extra set of hands means so much these days and as much as I adore the sleep in, I also need help to strike tasks off my list.

Oh the quandary!

What to do?

Lie in? or productive Saturdays?

Gym, shopping, housework, visits?

Or pajamas, movies, games, books and snoring?

Neither are wrong it’s just the transition between the two that becomes hazy.

You see; times of relaxation, sleepy walks, long coffees and nibbled brunches are important. Slowing down, letting life slide, engaging in the moment, loving life. Imperative.

It’s how we transition into task manager, job allocator, domestic goddess that’s the key.

I believe allocated times of rest and recovery are medicinal.

Yet transitioning into focused times of productivity is important too.

I think the hazy state between the two is called ‘laziness!’

Lazy keeps you on the couch when you know you should be walking the beach, lazy stops you from brushing your hair when you know the birds nest up back is not the fashion, lazy stops you from ironing that last crease because it’s hidden from general view.

Mr lazy.

Mr lazy is not a sneaky fellow, he actually doesn’t give a rip. He wants to keep you in a holding patten, one where your pjs have coffee stains and your socks are full of holes. He says don’t worry about taking the rubbish out, no worries about that stain on your jeans. No worries, she’ll be right mate, just one more doughnut will make the day sing!

Lazy feels fat and grimy. Lazy sumo sizes our weaknesses. Lazy needs it’s ass kicked to allow dreams and visions to be accomplished.

Lazy is not rest and recovery, he’s the transition between the two.

Say goodbye to laziness and hello to life lived in the moment, choosing exactly what that moment was created for.

I need to get up…or maybe this moment was created for one more hours sleep.

Lazy, no!

A

Place: bed

Poison: cordial

Favourite things: the weekend!

People will always have an opinion,

People will always have a say.

People will always judge.

People will always think differently than you.

People are people.

People are broken. People are trite, people are rough diamonds, people are short sighted, people are friends one minute then de-friend you the next. People are brief and people cling on.

People are just that, just human, just basic, just primal, just them.

People have the capacity to be kind and forgiving but often let us down. Often letting themselves down.

I do have low expectations of people, as much as I have great expectations of people. They are crazy beautiful. One minute predictable the next minute spontaneous and random.

Nothing is sure when it comes to people. Everything is sure when it comes to God. We are made in his image, but also fall terribly short of his diety. Sin ensnares us all.

Knowing and living all of this…then why do I care so much about what people think of me?

Why am I ensnared by self doubt that is founded in insecurity and worry about what people think?

Why do I care so much about people’s opinions?

Because I am human. So are you!

We can get past this incessant need to be liked however, without becoming a cold, withdrawn chambermaid making sure everyone of my plethora of masters is happy.

Watch the stance of people who are leaning in for more, yet not reliant upon the opinions of the crowd.

If Jesus allowed the opinions of the crowd get to him, he would have died a much younger man.

Listening to the crowd rather than focusing on your cheersquad who delights in all your faubles.

I’m
Falling asleep now
Must stop writing but also am quietly whispering. Screw other people’s opinions!

Place: home

Poison: cordial

Favourite things: crocheting a present for a close friend

How often do we get drawn into a conversation that we walk away wishing we’d never been a part of?

How often do we say things we wish we could take back?

Gossip tastes sweet but leaves a terrible aftertaste.

It is easy to be drawn into a conversation that turns terribly wrong so quickly.

The problem with gossip is that it is really destructive. It imprisons people in judgement, criticism and fear.

I am no angel when it comes to this issue, but I try to stop myself or a conversation that is unproductive or critical about someone else.

I find facebook is one of the worst breeding grounds for gossip.

Did you see what ‘blank’ did online, did you see the post ‘blank’ put on ‘blanks’ wall…did you know ‘blank’…

I am making a commitment to myself that I don’t want to be someone who spends my words unwisely.

Proverbs 31: says this…

‘she always has something worthwhile to say and she always says it kindly’

I want to be a woman that completely lives out this scripture. I want to speak with kindness. I want to only bring that which is worthwhile to my conversations and friendships.

Gossip may seem harmless but it’s stench lasts forever. The damage gossip has done to people and relationships is far reaching.

So whose going to say screw gossip with me?

It’s not easy, but carefully choosing out words wisely will make such a difference to our friendships and families.

A